To not stop DS from studying hard?

[Phineus]

So DS1 is in year 11. He is currently doing his mocks and has been working and revising really hard for these over the last few weeks- he's doing around 3 hours of revision on school nights and 8 hours a day at weekends. This is driven by him- although we have always emphasised to him the importance of working hard, he is very ambitious himself and wants top grades.

DS is generally really hard working and tries hard at everything he does - he also plays football and goes to the gym and puts a lot of effort into these.

Dsis also has a son in year 11 (DNephew). DNephew is bright but frankly very lazy and seems to spend most of his time on Xbox or Netflix. DNephew asked DS over at the weekend to play Xbox- DS refused as he wanted to revise.

I now have Dsis saying that DS is working too hard and I should be encouraging him to be more relaxed like Dnephew. Aibu to tell her it is none of her business and if DS wants to work hard rather than play Xbox, he is entitled to do that?

Your ds will reap the rewards after the exams. I think if he was doing this all year then she would have a point but as prep for his exams, this is fantastic. I'd be really proud of him. I would however encourage him to have a break every so often.

YANBU, he sounds really self motivated and is taking his mocks seriously. It doesn’t sound excessive for me because it’s for a time limited period. Hope he does really well and has a good break over Christmas!

@Augend23

Tbh ds just wouldn't countenance only doing 2 hours a night. I would actually have concerns about whether that would be enough if you're aiming for top grades.

I did suggest that he takes an afternoon off at weekends but he said he wants to know when he gets his results that he's worked as hard as he possibly could and has no regrets. He will have a rest over Christmas.

Ignore her
Wish my ds had the same work ethic as your ds.

As long as you ds is working smartly that is the most important thing.
Your dsis ds may be studying for fewer hours , but he may be utilising his time wisely.

I was going to say the same. Where do you get these teens 😂

My son is lazy, also year 11. He’s done absolutely no revision for his mocks and the results show it. I would guess your dsis is annoyed her son isn’t putting in the effort.

It’s really up to your ds, if he’s happy to put this amount of work in I’d let him. Revision goes in peaks and troughs. He won’t be working at this level for the whole of yr11. It’s a lot now but it’ll ease off a bit and ramp up again around Easter. I personally think your ds’s level of self-motivation is very commendable.

That does sound like a lot. Especially 8 hour days at the weekend, I’d think one day would be enough.

Of course it’s great that he is driven, but I’d be slightly concerned that this may unsustainable and lead to burnout before his actual exams. One of my younger sister’s friends did well in prelims and tanked in the real exams.

I don’t think schools help, I seem to remember teachers quoting insane amounts of hours to be put in (5 hours a night seems to stick in my head?) I think they just do this to encourage the kids doing barely any to put more hours in.

Well I definitely didn't work that hard and got 9 As and 4 As at GCSE and 6 As at a level (though one of them was general studies!). I'd probably have been doing almost that much during peak exam season.

When I got my GCSE results I was devastated and I concluded I hadn't worked hard enough. I was truly ecstatic when I got my a level results.

There are two buts: 12 years on from GCSEs and I literally don't even put GCSE results on my job applications and I've been told to take my a levels off as well because they "make me look too clever". I do still put my degree on. And looking back actually I spent less time working for my a levels than my GCSEs and I had a much nicer time during them because of it.

But as you say, if he won't countenance working less then that is that. I just think he might think he'll have no regrets from working as hard as possible but you can have regrets about spending too much time working and not enough time having fun as well.

9 A-stars and 4As at GCSE and 6 A-stars at A level *

Blasted bold function!

I dream of having a dc that self motivated and driven (or the knowledge as to how you parent to produce one

My son did precious little gcse revision (about an hour under duress in the weeks running up to exams) and although he passed, his the grades reflected his efforts. Like your dsis I too would say 3 hours after school + 8 hours at the weekend is excessive but perhaps this is because it's so far removed from my experience of GCSE revision!

Go easy on her, it's not fun watching your bright but lazy DC piss their future away whilst others around you are all knuckling down and working hard.

YANBU but do make sure he is keeping things in perspective and getting some kind of balance.

It's entirely possible to revise 3 hours a night and 8 hours a day at the weekend and still have some healthy downtime, but do make sure he is allowing himself that downtime - getting to see friends/go to the gym/getting fresh air etc. I am an exams invigilator and every year we have students crashing and burning and having panic attacks in the exams because they have completely overdone it in terms of revision and have worked themselves into a state of brain freeze.

As with all things in life there needs to be balance. Be proud of and encourage his work ethic but at the same time encourage him to allow himself relaxation time too.

My DS took GCSEs last year. He didn't have the best attitude to revision for mocks to start with. Still did pretty good in them as he has a good memory and although he was a Covid year he had good teachers who got through the curriculum and gave them great revision resources in the main.

School always recommended 3 hours per night but he didn't usually do this. Can't remember if they recommended a time for the weekend. They had 4 sets of mocks between Jan and Easter so had covered a lot already really.

I was encouraging him to start revising for his GCSEs beginning of March but he didn't really knuckle down till Easter holidays. He had a set "schedule" Usually 2 hours on a school night. Longer on a weekend or when on study leave. Probably around 4 to 5 hours. Never started before 10am and clocked off at 9pm sharp for Xbox time! No revision on Fridays! Obviously phone not far away!

Clearly, he drove me crazy and stressed me out no end. I'd say your son is overdoing it and in danger of peaking beforehand or getting bored of revising but it's very difficult to tell a 16 year old. I think they need to work it out for themselves with a bit of help from you. I think id be encouraging time away from it though.

DS got nearly all 8s and 9s which was better than predicted in most subjects, 2 grades higher in a couple. I don't think he'd revised properly for psychology before! He also got a 6 in English Lit as he hated it and didn't do much revision at home.

@FlyingPandas

That's useful advice. His mocks finish on Tuesday and he will then have some well-deserved down time over the Christmas break.

After christmas, I think he is planning to continue doing 3 hours on school nights but cut down a bit at weekends. He will then ramp it up again closer to his GCSEs.

All children are different and have different needs. Some students get top grades playing Xbox all the time while son needs 30 hours revision a week to keep up. Both are ok as long as they are happy.

This. You really cannot equate hours of revising with top grades. Everyone is different and ideally you want to maximise results with minimal effort - in school, at Uni and in your career.