Pronouncing a name in someone’s own language

[Brightun]

There’s an issue in my team. One member’s name is the same spelling as an English name but the pronunciation in their language is markedly different. Some team members are struggling with this and say they feel stupid/pretentious putting on an accent to say the name. I think they should make the effort and get over it. They are refusing. Team member is saying they feel discriminated. Who is BU?

As I said, unless they physically cannot pronounce certain sounds

Most Americans cannot say one of the short vowel sounds in my name. They drawl it. OK, I accrpt that that is how they can say my name. It's not lazy, racist lack of effort.

Obviously the person with the name should have it pronounced properly

Got a new colleague at work called Gema.

Realised very quickly that correct pronunciation was not English JEMMA but Spanish Hema!

They need to make the effort. It's so rude not to.

I have a name that doesn't look anything like it is pronounced (Irish). Of all of my work colleagues, peers, or even acquaintances, they say "sorry, can you repeat it? [Name], ok, I think I have it. [Name], is that right?" And sometimes they say "I'm just going to write it down phonetically so I don't forget."

In fact, there has only been one person in my nearly 20 years in this country who refused to pronounce it the correct way and insisted on using it as the vowels would sound in an English word. (It's got the same "a" sound as in "Sean" - "aw"). Only occasionally in front of clients he would pronounce it correctly, but exaggerated with much eye-rolling, to make it clear I was obviously doing it on purpose to be difficult. We'd probably call that a micro-aggression these days.

It's not a coincidence that he had form for being an awful bully and called all of his trainees "that stupid girl", including me, and when he ran out of trainees being allocated to him, turned on the legal secretaries instead.

People who can't even give you the respect of getting attempting to get your name right are getting off on the power from insisting it's their way or the high way.

😁I got it

YABU

The reason I say this is because my very English name is never pronounced even slightly similar in any other language (outside the U.K.)
I have heard attempts and it's a bit cringey.

*in another accent.

not language

I have a Hebrew name that isn't pronounced quite as it's spelt in English. If someone mispronounces it the first time, I don't take offence but politely correct them. If they kept refusing to pronounce it correctly (it doesn't have any sounds that you can't say in English) then I would be annoyed.

My sister's name has the Hebrew kh sound, which many Anglophones can't say. If they use an H instead that's all right. But it's not an English ch even if it's spelt like that. (Think saying Itzhak Perlman even though the 'h' in his name should be a 'kh')

The point is that people can generally tell a good faith effort vs. a name you really can't pronounce exactly in English.

Your team members need to pronounce your colleagues name as he/she says it. The team members don't need to put on any accent, they just need to make the effort to get as close to the colleague's pronunciation as possible.

It's about being respectful of others and courteous to colleagues.

I have a non-English and work at a senior level in a City office. Having told anyone else how to pronounce my name, I wouldn't answer if they insisted on calling me something different, as that wouldn't be my name.

If they insisted, I'd think they were trying to diminish me on some way, as it's a really rude thing to do. Your team sounds toxic, and this is a form of bullying.

Yeah I think they have to make the effort if that's what the person prefers. I have a French colleague who just uses the anglicised version of her name at work but that's her choice.

It's best that they get over it and say her name properly

Did you know that babies are born physically capable of making all of the sounds that exist in all of the langauges? But as we grow and learn our native language, we lose the ability to make other sounds. I think it's sad!

It's more that you lose the ability to accurately recreate them if you don't hear them by a certain age.

It's why most people, regardless of how good they are at a learnt language can almost never truly sound like a native speaker

@IDontWantToBeAPie , many of my colleagues go with the anglicised version or the english equivalent. A Piotr might go with Peter, because it's a lot better than hearing (well-meaning) people call you P. Otter.

@EBearhug , from my experience saying it sounds like Khalid won't help.

What's the name?

Sometimes I really struggle with learning to make my mouth say the requisite sounds.

I used to have a colleague called Xiaoying which I did eventually at least sort of get the hang of - and now I know what I'm doing with it I don't really know why I found it difficult in the first place. But I did. It was a nightmare and frankly very embarrassing for me. I couldn't work out whether repeatedly asking and apologising for my inability to get it or totally mangling it was worse. I went with the former and she was very good humoured about it thankfully but if she hadn't been I don't know what I would have done.

The way the lady I knew pronounced it with the first consonant half way between an X and a J and then an a-ow sound but with your mouth more open and then ying for the last bit or at least that was what I got to...

It's like lor-ees but with a rolled French R in the middle that's difficult for many people

I have a colleague Xia... you say it sort or like Sha ! but that's not right either.

Lloris is not originally a French name, it's Catalan.

i thought it looked Spanish. How would you say it in Catalan?

Dear God how ridiculous!
I worked with a Spanish David who pronounced it Dav-id rather than Day-vid. It took about 20 minutes worth of getting used to, I could never imagine thinking “Ooh this is way too hard”

I could never imagine thinking “Ooh this is way too hard”

To be fair, it doesn’t get much easier than David. The name that is causing the problem could be on a different level altogether.

Your team member has already stated they feel discriminated against ,hopefully I have read that as the team member with the name which is harder to pronounce?
It needs to be nipped in the bud now as it will escalate.
My whole team are not from the UK but live here, we have just had a seminar on mispronounciation of names and it was a real eye opener how people have been treated and their names pronounced.
I once worked with someone called Mateus and a colleague said “I can’t pronounce that , I will call you Matty “and from then on he refused to engage with her, which made work a little tense !

Some people pronounce TH as F, that doesn't mean they're rude for pronouncing names like Theo and Beth as Feo and Beff.

I think this is the difference between accent and pronunciation. This example comes down to accent/the way a person speaks. They're saying the name in the correct way with regards to vowels and emphasis, but the accent is just slightly altering how it sounds.

I think OP's situation is different, take the name Eliza. Most in the UK would pronounce it 'Eel-EYE-zuh' but a European person with the same name might pronounce it 'Eh-LEE-zuh'.

The name is pronounced totally differently. To not pronounce it that way is dickish.

I imagine the above person works in the "HR industry".

You never even heard such talk 30 years ago. Problems were dealt with by the head of the department and that was it.

It is like some inner urging by certain parts of society for "trials". How else would the East German state have stood for so long without the help of willing people?

I don’t speak Catalan, only Castilian, where ll=y as in me llamo (I’m called).

Team member needs to pronounce correctly - I am intrigued as to the name though!
I know a Jean-Marie and obviously everyone says that in the French way because it would ridiculous to say it in English!

DD has a friend called Jagoda and they have a teacher who persistantly pronounces it with a J sound rather than the correct Y (ya) sound. Its an understandable mistake to make, but only once until you are corrected!
I'm trying to think of any name/sound difference that would be acceptable to ignore....