Christmas Presents

[BigBumBird]

Hello

I started seeing someone earlier this year - well we met online, and talked everyday for nearly two months before we met. We became BF/GF in July. I feel quite gushy about him, like I am a loved up teenager and I am 32, need to get a grip!!

Anyway, Christmas!! Neither of us have kids and have discussed Christmas presents. He said he wasnt keen to set a value as Christmas, to him, isnt about monetary values, so we both agreed up to 10 presents each - this can range from anything, box of chocolates etc not 10 big ones.

But I am stuck!! I wish we had a monetary value as I dont know if I am going overboard or have spent too little. He said he has made one of my presents (this makes the whole unknown worse!!!!). So far, I have got him...

1. Nice bath soak for achy muscles - really good reviews, best for liftweighters, he loves going to the gym and is often achy afterwards
2. a little metal walletcard that has a map of where we met, the date etc... very gushy but he is a romantic guy!!
3. His fave chocs
4. Tickets to see an artist he loves (she isnt well known, so tickets were v.cheap!)
5. Coffee from a chartiy that I work close to, they make sustainable coffee in really cool flavours (he loves coffee).

And thats all I have ...

My friend, who is an older chap, has told me to buy a book light which goes around your neck so you dont need to put your light on (he loves reading) and some sort of metal wallet thing... but I dont know if these are rubbish gifts!!

He has said, in passing, that he has always wanted to go on a helicopter (he said this months back when we saw one land) - I thought about a helicopter experience for 2 but I am scared of flying!!

Any suggestions?!

For context, he is a really gushy/romantic guy - I bought him a lovely card last week and wrote a nice quote inside and he teared up.. he loves IPA beers (but has an advent calendar this year so he has lots), loves chocolates, warhammer, music, star gazing, photography...

I am stuck and dont want to ask him for ideas :(

xx

and I hope this isnt coming across as a bosting post. I know lots of people are struggling at the moment. Me and my family have agreed to do a secret santa this year so instead of having 7 people to buy for, I now have 1.

x

The trouble with things like this OP is that nobody here knows him. I wouldn't want any of those things at all, he may well love them.

To me it sounds like the fun has been sucked out of it entirely with this slightly odd 10 present rule. As long as there are some things to unwrap and they're thoughtful surely that is really all that's necessary at Christmas. I would ask to just give up on it, tell him roughly what you're budgeting for so he knows (whether he sticks to his own is his business), wrap him up a few nice bits and enjoy spending time together over the festive season and take the pressure off. It will be romantic whatever you do if you're in the honeymoon period and loved up, there's no need to put yourself through a helicopter ride.

You can't be expected to know everything about somebody or what the perfect gift is after a short time together and it doesn't reflect on anything if you don't but it sounds like you've got lots of ideas of things he does like that are quite common hobbies - reading (book subscription, bookmark, kindle, some books he wants), chocolate (easy enough), music (you've got gig tickets), warhammer (gift vouchers? paintbrushes for painting the models?), photography (camera case, stand, strap, photography books, a day course).

It sounds like he appreciates sentimental things, maybe a nice framed photo of you together, star chart for your anniversary or similar - this type of thing or Etsy is full of similar stuff so it's obviously popular.

I’m a reader, I’m heading towards 50 and I would definitely not like a book light to hang around my neck!

If you are scared of flying and want to buy him the helicopter experience, he could just take a friend.

I can’t help with other gifts, I’ve been married 26 years and have no clue what to get DH!

I know you said 'up to' 10 but 10 presents from one adult to another sounds an awful lot - I'd never expect more than a couple from my husband. I think you're making it unnecessarily hard for yourselves.

I would take the approach of buying one decent present that is something you know he wants or has asked for; and anything else only if it's a real 'saw this and thought of you' item. I wouldn't go buying generic toiletries and chocolates for the sake of it.

What you’ve got already sounds very thoughtful. I’d leave it at that. Don’t go overboard or you’ll embarrass both of you if he’s got you much less.

Up to 10 presents each is a really weird rule

Search on Etsy - 'star map'. You give them the date and location and get a map of the stars on that night, could do the day you met or made the relationship official.

A book he's after?

Do some posters think that Mumsnet is a sort of oracle of Mums that you can consult for motherly advice on various topics?

TBH that's a nicer description than a 'nest of vipers' 😂

How about some promises in a jar ...so he can choose for the future. So ... meal out for two, mystery picnic in the summer, trip to nearest sea side ?

Get him a star: buyastar.uk
A nice woolly hat or pair of gloves.
Christmas socks, obviously.
Chocolate orange, or a real tangerine.
A homemade voucher for e.g. cooking his favourite dinner.

10 is a lot of presents! I'd go for a book rather than the book light, although knowing what he might like to read might be difficult! What you've got already sounds quite good. I think if you're doing so many presents then surely that makes big expensive ones like a helicopter ride a bit over the top (if you were doing that I'd maybe just do it as the only present)

Maybe some massage oil, could offer to massage his sore muscles if you're up for it!
If its up to 10 can you just get less than 10?
Warhammer is quite expensive and you might not know what he collects.
A nice notepad, maybe a fancy pen - is probably the sort of thing I'd expect a big reader+warhammer fan to like (I'm assuming a smidge nerdy, I don't mean this unkindly as I'm nerdy myself)

A telescope? www.amazon.co.uk/Celestron-21035-ADS-Travelscope-Telescope-Kit/dp/B006MCYAH4/ref=sr_1_3?crid=2IZJPZWAN7XGM&keywords=telescope+for+adults&qid=1671024211&sprefix=telescope%2Caps%2C178&sr=8-3

How old is he, OP?

What you've got sounds good. Does he like the outdoors?

Up to 10! That’s loads. DH and I tend to do either one big present or else a small pile e.g. posh box of chocolates, a book and something else. Can you renegotiate expectations?

The up to 10 presents idea is really strange as that seems like a lot, but what if he only gets 2 or 3. Also whenever in the past someone has told me that they don't want to set a monetary value as it's not in the spirit of giving, it has meant I have ended up being given cheap rubbish.

Can't add anything but what is the bath soak for weight lifters? DH is one of those and I'm stuck:)

PS got DH a safety razor, old fashioned one, more envionmentally friendly but it was 50 quid might be a bit pricey.

I’m more nest of vipers myself 😂

If he likes reading, does he have a Kindle? I was Kindle resistant until DH gifted me one, I've now got the Paperwhite which negates the need for a reading light.

If he's into music, what about a band t-shirt or vinyl if he has a player (DH and I will buy both of these for each other for Christmas / birthdays each year because they're an easy win). Gig tickets? Depending on what music he's into, there are a ton of grassroots venues that put on upcoming bands for under £10 a ticket.

Gaming (warhammer) related mug for his coffee.

Good quality insulated water bottle for the gym.

Aww it's cute op.

Do you have a planetarium or similar near you? Thinking some sort of start having experience for you both?

Bath soak - practical
Wallet card - mushy
Tickets - is that for you both? experience
Chocs - consumable
Coffee - consumable

Star gazing type experience

What about something war hammer related? No idea what as I don't get it

A voucher for a meal somewhere?

Aby favorite band - any art work or memorabilia etc?

Hard without a budget. Does he earn well? Is he normally financially generous? What was he like for your birthday etc?

Or a sex star map for the first time you made love 😁😁😜

10 presents each!
I've never heard such nonsense, is this even a thing now.
This is mine and DH's 54th Christmas together and if either of us gave presents like this, even in the earlier days, we'd both be wondering, why just why.
< not illiterate but question mark key has decided to go on strike >
Any way, I hope that it all goes well and you both have a lovely Christmas, may it be the first of many. 🎅

10 presents! I would just get one nice one and leave it at that! If it's a helicopter ride that's going to cost £££.
Can't help you as I only ever gave my husband one present each Christmas.

"Up to" 10 presents doesn't mean you have to get 10. You've already got 5. If you can think of a couple more then fair enough but I'd say you're set with what you've got. I think it's a lovely idea but if you can't think of anything else, don't torture yourself trying to. I think it's very sweet how loved up you are too, new love is so exciting!

Why on earth did you agree to 10 presents? Who's idea was that?

If he's like most men, he won't even think about buying presents for at least another week, so you have time to say to him 'you know this 10 present thing, it was a joke, right' and stop this nonsense right now.

<weeps at the amount of unnecessary, unwanted stuff that everyone seems desperate to buy> You'd think the silver lining of the current cloud that is the cost of living crisis would be that there'd be a lot less appetite for this crap, but apparently not.