What do you consider to be ’deep and meaningful’ conversations?

[AmITooTired]

The title basically.

I’ve been trying to get better at this, but people mostly just want to talk about their families and about relationship/partners/dating.
And I find those topics really boring.
What are the topics I could try and turn the conversations towards?

I don't want to talk about families or relationships either - leastways, not beyond pleasantries and anything truly unusual or interesting. I wouldn't launch into "deep and meaningful" thought - that seems either very personal, or rather airy-fairy and meaningless in its own way.

I generally talk about mutual hobbies and interests with people, current affairs, or politics if I'm confident it won't cause upset. That might include talking about history, either specifically or in general, or scientific developments or literature, philosophy and religion where it's relevant in some way. I do tend to select people with similar interests to pursue conversations with, so it works fairly well.

I don’t think it’s about the topic, it’s about how invested the people involved are in the conversation. It can be about anything.

Surely conversations evolve.

You start out the evening talking about family and work and then get onto the deeper stuff if, and when, it comes up. It's not something you can push though.

You're going to come across as seriously weird, however, if you rock up at the pub, sit down next to your friend and your conversation opener is something like: ' so what's your take on the death penalty for murder.'

And frankly, if you need suggestion for deep and meaningful conversations from a bunch of strangers on the internet I'm not sure you're actually ready for such conversations.

Relationships, sex, trauma, childhood stories both good and bad, emotional well-being, worries, concerns, guilt.

All form deep and meaningful conversations imo, opening up and being vulnerable.

have you considered looking online if there is a local salon group that meet up? or maybe a book club if it is books you wish to discuss. there are also events such as battle of ideas where you can go listen to some talks on interesting subjects but that is only once a year.

Interesting
I tend to think of "deep and meaningful" as equal to "philosophical".

I’d definitely not think deep and meaningful when talking with friends means philosophical, as otherwise they’d be philosophical conversations.

Wonder what OP thinks
sounds to me as if she is also thinking of philosophical chat.

Then it’s probably where she is going wrong, different words tend to have different meanings,

If people want philosophical conversation that’s what they’d go for.

But now, if you were open minded enough, we could talk about it.

OP you come across as feeling very superior to all your trivial 'friends' who want to talk to people about their jobs/ kids/ houses/ health etc. That stuff makes up such a huge part of our lives, of course we talk to those we are close to about it all. And they do the same back to us. That conversation might reveal someone's depression, or abuse or any manner of issues that they really need a sounding board for.

If I thought a friend was so bored by me I'd have no interest in talking to them about 'deep' stuff or even frankly shallow shit like what lipstick I might buy.

Deep and meaningful conversations are not all they're cracked up to be. DH was talking to me last night about the viability, safety concerns and potential timeline to commercial use of the new fusion power. My brain shut down under the strain and I fell asleep.

I get it.

Mum's last one was about politics and religion within a secular society. I get why some people are interested but it's just not my thing at the mo.

anyway, that's how I define a "deep and meaningful".

My DM loves 'deep and meaningful' conversations, I find them utterly tedious and boring ... I have the rule not to discuss politics, sex or religion ... if you agree then you agree and there's nothing to discuss, if you don't agree then it gets at best awkward and at worse deeply unpleasant and argumentative.

If you love those sort of discussions then join a debating society or other group that focusses on the same sorts of interests you have.

Being the sort of person who reads anything and talks to anyone, it's immensely satisfying when you encounter someone who has an equally free-roaming outlook. DS and I had a great chat about the arc of 18th and 19 century history and industrial development at 8.00am yesterday, that spanned the railways, the labour movement and the school history syllabus.

I'd be well out of my depth on the vision and implications of fusion for the world, @Fladdermus, but I'm fascinated to know more. It sounds promising, if still quite a long way off.

Sometimes these conversations evolve, other times you have to bring up the topic. I find a good opener is simply saying "so I just finished this really interesting book/podcast, it was about..."

(Not monologuing retelling the whole book but you then ask what they think about the subject.)

Agree with the suggestion of joining an evening class or book club. As you can see from this thread, a lot of people just aren’t up for anything beyond small talk/swapping news. But there are loads who do want to talk about ideas and books - you just need to find them.

I think that's the crux of what he was saying, exciting but still a very long way off. The rest was just noise. DH is a nuclear scientist so was very keen to talk about it. I'd rather play with the cat.

There's enough politics etc on the news so I don't want to talk about stuff like that when I'm with friends or work colleagues. I wouldn't thank anybody that started up a deep and meaningful conversation and I can't think of many of my friends who would either.
I once worked in 2 different schools . In one, a teacher came into the staffroom and said, "What do we all think of the political situation in xxx " - Country that was in the news at the time. The other just chatted about general matters and our families, TV etc and I was much happier there.

I think this sums it up well.

As several posters have said, you need to find your 'tribe' , and that is likely to be within a group who have chosen to attend for the very purpose of deeper debate.
A specialist book group. Or a political action group. I've found some really good debate in Church home groups. A theology group. Or a public issues group.

Sometimes, when you have a strong friendship with people, some conversations evolve into 'deeper' conversations, but if you want this whenever you meet up, then you probably need to find some sort of debating group.

Some interesting conversations I've had recently (not deep and meaningful but interesting enough to open up different dialogue to "How's the family chit chat"

• cargo cults
• David Wolfe
• James randi
• what satanism is
• liquid love sessions
• fin doms
• black salve

😂😂😂
Leave it to MN to get angry about everything!

Hey, like I said. I’ve read (from here) that with friends you should have ’deep’ and ’meaningfull’ talks, otherwise those are shallow relationships.

And that is why I asked what these tooics are, so perhaps I could be better friend.

For whatever reason some people here decided get butthurt.

I think that while some people on Mn are so afraid of looking 'pretentious' or 'try-hard' (see the Baby Names forum). they do bristle at the idea that talking about your new lino or what you bought your ten-year-old for Christmas isn't 'enough', some people are just pointing out a bit of a disconnect in your posts -- you say you've read that you need to have 'deep and meaningful' conversations with your friends, otherwise these are 'shallow friendships', but then you say that you've already tried to talk about things other than dating and their families with your friends, topics you find boring, but they don't want to!

So which is it -- you're bored by your friends and want to talk about something else? Or you think you're supposed to want to talk about deeper topics with true friends, so that's why you're doing it?

I mean, one possibility is that your friends are 'shallow', surely? And/or haven't read the posts on Mn about 'deep and meaningful' conversations? Maybe you need new friends? Or the topics you think are interesting aren't interesting to them?

I used to know someone whose idea of 'Hello' was to start ranting about whatever was in the letters to the editor page of the Irish Times that day, and I'm sure he felt that was meaningful and deep, but the truth was that I experienced him as an appalling, self-absorbed bore who was unable to grasp the difference between a conversation and a harangue.

So called 'shallow' conversations can go surprisingly deep if you're genuinely interested in the other person and you're willing to open up and share something of yourself too.

If someone is talking about their relationship or kids, you can ask some open questions, like:
"What's been the best thing about being a parent so far?"
"What do you find the most challenging?"

Then as they open up you can reflect back what you're hearing, eg 'It sounds like being a good dad is really important to you but you feel like you're falling short right now. Is that right? ".

You can ask appreciative inquiry questions like "What do you think you do really well?" or "What do you love most about X?"

Questions like "What's important to you about that?" can deepen a conversation and help uncover someone's underlying values and ethics.

Questions like "What sparked your interest in X hobby?" for example will prompt them to tell a story about themselves which can be really eye opening and you can deepen things by reflecting and summarising what you've heard to check that you've understood. "Ah, so you've always been very creative?" "Where do you that came from?"

"It sounds like you really value space/freedom/good time management" and if you've asked in a genuine way and they feel safe then will keep talking and opening up.

Then be willing to share something of yourself too, your own vulnerabilities, hopes and fears. If you open up in a vulnerable way then the other person may also share something surprisingly deep and meaningful in return, as long as they feel safe to do so. Ie "You know sometimes I get really scared about X", and if they're sensitive then they will say "me too!" or share their own fears. That's why this sort of thing can't be contrived. You have to be genuinely caring and interested.

To me, deep and meaningful conversation is about creating heartfelt connection with another human being, rather than pontificating on abstract concepts. If you want the latter then agree with PPs, join debating society