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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Ill neighbors

28 replies

Godlovesall26 · 14/12/2022 08:03

Hi,

l’m new to this forum and responded this in the anonymous neighbor thread, but I think it seems it may have not been best to add to another poster’s thread ?

This was the message (I can’t find a delete button) :

Not sure it applies, but we got one in our tiny appartement flats common parking space, very bold plain sight.
Really dramatic one saying I witnessed from my ground flat the police arriving in our parking, I was so panicked and still am, I’m desperate to know if there is any safety risk, someone please reassure me. I saw them leaving a good hour later, that seems so long and not reassuring doesn’t it ? Something along those lines, you get the general tone.

Bit of background : my mum is psychologically fragile, I’ve been living with her here since September. She does tend to fall easily into scams. As she’s ill, she doesn’t have a car so her parking space is unused. This neighbor who posted the note apparently ‘befriended’ her and convinced her to rent her the parking space for a tiny sum (think 20 vs 200/month). Another neighbor told me this recently, to put a stop to it, so I told her to. Obviously parking neighbor was aghast. But she’s not well off, which is why the other neighbor told me it was such a ridiculous loss of income.

All this to say : several of the neighbors, including my mum, have perfectly normal interactions, they’re nice, they try to support, they mind their own businesses. It was so obvious that they came because she was in a crisis (suicidal ideation, never violent or anything, has happened several times previously). Ambulances were way overbooked and police happened to be in the neighborhood. Other neighbors reacted as if nothing happened (she’s mortified when it does, so they tend to wait a couple of days before sending a little Hi how are u btw message). But now she’s not coping well at all with this note. She didn’t even take it down, it’s the other neighbor who had told me about the parking space situation who did and messaged me about it and should he contact her. I have no clue, she just confirmed she’d seen it when I asked. Fwiw none of the neighbors care in the slightest as they know there’s no violence/substances/etc, she just can’t seem to see it.

Sorry, that was very long ! So yes, anonymous neighbors letters can really suck…’

I’m adding in this one a question : would this situation have bothered you ?

They don’t put sirens on or anything, you’d really have to be looking out of your window, there’s never any noice included, much less anything remotely related to violence/substances. Usually the couple of neighbors who end up knowing someone came only do because they’re lovely quiet and nice people who suggested I could call them if needed. I’ve never had any expectations though for them to do anything, I usually just don’t really. Mostly they just take it upon themselves to ask her over for a cup of coffee or something.

They also have a common WhatsApp which maybe could have been used to ask if anyone had any issues at the time maybe ? What I would have done - maybe - it might have felt intrusive ?

OP posts:
Godlovesall26 · 14/12/2022 08:09

I’ll be moving back out after Christmas I should maybe add

OP posts:
Whatthediddlyfeck · 14/12/2022 08:10

I don’t understand the issue-is it that the police who were dealing with an incident, didn’t chap your mum’s door and tell her what they were there for? I understand your being concerned about your mum but it’s none of your/her business

lovemelongtime · 14/12/2022 08:13

Sorry no idea what you are asking? Taking about? Could you sum up in 3 sentences?

PortiasBiscuit · 14/12/2022 08:13

We had police here all the time because our neighbours teenage DS was being a dick.
Of course we were insane with curiosity but it is absolutely none be of our business.

Godlovesall26 · 14/12/2022 08:15

Whatthediddlyfeck · 14/12/2022 08:10

I don’t understand the issue-is it that the police who were dealing with an incident, didn’t chap your mum’s door and tell her what they were there for? I understand your being concerned about your mum but it’s none of your/her business

Sorry, English isn’t my first language !
No, police came straight to my mum’s appartement with no issues, knocked, I opened, as I was present also. They talked things through with her, medical assessment I imagine by phone (I tend to leave her privacy), once they were confident they could leave around an hour later they did.

The issue is this neighbor seeing them from her window ground floor and hanging up a huge note that I described for everyone to see about their presence she had noticed

OP posts:
Justcallmebebes · 14/12/2022 08:17

Can you maybe explain? Did the police go to your mother or a neighbour's house. Sorry, but I also don't understand the relevance of the parking space

LIZS · 14/12/2022 08:18

What did the note say?

silverclock222 · 14/12/2022 08:19

Ah right I understand what you're saying. It sounds like the person that put the note up has some anxiety of their own. I wouldn't read too much into it, you’re moving home in a few weeks so you can sound the neighbours out if you feel you need to.

Godlovesall26 · 14/12/2022 08:19

Godlovesall26 · 14/12/2022 08:15

Sorry, English isn’t my first language !
No, police came straight to my mum’s appartement with no issues, knocked, I opened, as I was present also. They talked things through with her, medical assessment I imagine by phone (I tend to leave her privacy), once they were confident they could leave around an hour later they did.

The issue is this neighbor seeing them from her window ground floor and hanging up a huge note that I described for everyone to see about their presence she had noticed

So my mum is now really upset about this note everyone could have seen about police presence.

This other neighbor knows she’s had visits before and is very sensitive to attention, so I’m upset that her decision to hang up this huge public note coincidentally came after I convinced my mum she was being scammed by the woman for loaning her her parking spot for essentially 20 instead of 200

OP posts:
Dartmoorcheffy · 14/12/2022 08:22

Sorry but I can't understand this. What goes this note say exactly? And where waa it left? And what has it got to do with renting out a parking space?

ZeroFuchsGiven · 14/12/2022 08:26

Its a bit early for riddles op.

donquixotedelamancha · 14/12/2022 08:28

I think the OP is saying that after her mum was ill she got this note:

Really dramatic one saying I witnessed from my ground flat the police arriving in our parking, I was so panicked and still am, I’m desperate to know if there is any safety risk, someone please reassure me. I saw them leaving a good hour later, that seems so long and not reassuring doesn’t it ?

OP the issue is not your English, which is fine. Try to think though what you want to say and put as little as possible in simple sentences. I would consider using bullet points for long posts.

Bonjovispyjamas · 14/12/2022 08:30

No idea what this is all about, it's a very confusing post.

Godlovesall26 · 14/12/2022 08:41

ZeroFuchsGiven · 14/12/2022 08:26

Its a bit early for riddles op.

I’m sorry to have bothered you all, I shouldn’t have attempted posting, I felt alone in dealing with my mum. In any case, yes it’s early but my mum is up and I need to go focus on her now, please don’t mind this post future.

OP posts:
IWillBeWaxingAnOwl · 14/12/2022 08:42

Context:
OPs mum experiences poor mental health and is vulnerable.
Her neighbours are generally v supportive.
Neighbour x has been using OPs mums car parking space for a much reduced rate.

Then...
OP and other neighbours told her mum neighbour x was underpaying.
OPs mum had a mental health crisis and police were called to calm her.

The incident:
Neighbour x left a note asking the whole set of neighbours why the police were around.
OPs mum is now upset and paranoid that they have all noticed and are all speaking about it/disapproving.

IWillBeWaxingAnOwl · 14/12/2022 08:44

@Godlovesall26 I think @silverclock222 is likely right that neighbour x has some anxiety difficulties of their own. However it could just be they are a mega nosy busybody who was annoyed about being challenged in regard to the parking space. Either way I'd focus on reminding your mum that all the other neighbours are supportive, and that no one minds if the police occasionally pop out as long as everyone is safe.

hedgehoglurker · 14/12/2022 08:52

I also understood what OP wrote. Your mum's neighbour is upset about the car parking deal ending and is now trying to punish your mum, as I assume she is aware of her fragile mental health.

You're right. If she was truly concerned about the police visiting the block, she would have asked on the WhatsApp group.

I hope you manage to reassure your mum and get the sign removed.

DogInATent · 14/12/2022 09:09

The extra back ground detail is confusing the opening post. I've had to read it through a few times to get the gist of it. The whole parking rent thing doesn't seem to be relevant.

The police attended the OP's mother for a mental health welfare check, because there wasn't an ambulance immediately available.

A neighbour opposite has posted a notice in her window asking if anyone knows why the police spent an hour in the area and is there something that she should be worried about.

The OP is upset about this note.

It's sometimes easier when English is not your first language to post in your own language and let us use Google translate. It can be less confusing.

Beezknees · 14/12/2022 09:21

Neighbour is being dramatic and ridiculous. I live in an apartment block and would not think twice about this. An elderly lady is hardly going to be a criminal mastermind.

AreOttersJustWetCats · 14/12/2022 09:25

The other neighbours won't be judging your mum! They'll be judging the one who put the note up, if anything. Police attending a house doesn't mean someone has done something bad, often it'll be a welfare check, or that they have been a victim.

Please reassure your mum that her nice neighbours will not be judging or disapproving of her.

user1471457751 · 14/12/2022 10:03

It may help if you reframed the parking issue in your head. It really isn't a scam. The neighbour offered a price to use your mum's unused parking space and your mum accepted. It may have been a good deal for the neighbour but that doesn't make it a scam. And as to it being worth £200 a month, really its only worth that is someone is willing to pay it. Surely its better for your mum to have £20 than nothing?

RaRaRaspoutine · 14/12/2022 10:09

So the note was posted somewhere publically? Is that the issue? And it's probably from the neighbour who lost the parking space? I don't think there's a problem beyond that neighbour being a bit of a weirdo tbh.

justcallmebozo · 15/12/2022 19:41

Godlovesall26 · 14/12/2022 08:41

I’m sorry to have bothered you all, I shouldn’t have attempted posting, I felt alone in dealing with my mum. In any case, yes it’s early but my mum is up and I need to go focus on her now, please don’t mind this post future.

Don't be put off from posting again, OP. We all get a bit confused and muddled at times, especially about things that have upset us. But better to keep the posts a bit shorter and stick to the main points, it makes it easier to understand the issues and easier to try to help.

Godlovesall26 · 16/12/2022 05:48

IWillBeWaxingAnOwl · 14/12/2022 08:42

Context:
OPs mum experiences poor mental health and is vulnerable.
Her neighbours are generally v supportive.
Neighbour x has been using OPs mums car parking space for a much reduced rate.

Then...
OP and other neighbours told her mum neighbour x was underpaying.
OPs mum had a mental health crisis and police were called to calm her.

The incident:
Neighbour x left a note asking the whole set of neighbours why the police were around.
OPs mum is now upset and paranoid that they have all noticed and are all speaking about it/disapproving.

I wasn’t going to go back to this thread because I was wondering if I was too upset to express myself correctly, and felt like I was wasting everyone’s time therefore.

It is as many of you know difficult to care for a parent, I’m envisioning my own TTC and it seems too overwhelming. How will I manage ? She absolutely refuses any medical care (it’s denial for this, not paranoia, and a cultural concept maybe that it’s a weakness).

But thank you so, so much, that sums it up perfectly ! Thank you.

I’ll add for the people who asked about prices that we’re in a big city, pretty close to central, so parking spaces can be scarce, it’s definitely cheaper (and more reliable insurance wise for both parties) to rent on on a regular website for this, and the demand is very high. This is why my mum’s neighbor came to me, she’s not desperately financially struggling but end of months are rough. He showed me how to proceed to rent via an official agency. He also told me that there were different cars over time he had noticed on my mum’s parking space, so he wonders if the neighbor is renting it hand to hand and just profiting. They’re so in demand, it would be no trouble to find willing people. And aside from my mum’s situation, he has very young children and worries about who these seemingly changing renters are.

To answer another question : I can’t say for sure but the friend has never manifested anxiety issues when I met her. My mum is very sensitive to people befriending her. So she offered her parking space…

Honestly I think it’s me the neighbor is furious at, I’m only staying for a couple of months, which was quite coincidental with the end of agreement.

And yes, the other neighbors don’t seem to mind at all, it’s just shattered my mum’s morale and I haven’t been able to manage to convince her to go to work since.

Hoping I have managed to be a little clearer this time.
And thank you again @IWillBeWaxingAnOwl for helping me with the summary, and future posters for trying to help.

I’m only here due to a scheduled heart operation (not a huge one), so I’ll very soon be leaving.

OP posts:
Godlovesall26 · 16/12/2022 05:56

DogInATent · 14/12/2022 09:09

The extra back ground detail is confusing the opening post. I've had to read it through a few times to get the gist of it. The whole parking rent thing doesn't seem to be relevant.

The police attended the OP's mother for a mental health welfare check, because there wasn't an ambulance immediately available.

A neighbour opposite has posted a notice in her window asking if anyone knows why the police spent an hour in the area and is there something that she should be worried about.

The OP is upset about this note.

It's sometimes easier when English is not your first language to post in your own language and let us use Google translate. It can be less confusing.

Thank you, yes my message was a mess.

it wasn’t in her window though, it was like one of those huge black felt tip pens in the communal area.

I’m personally upset only by the consequences, my mum really does need to go back to work to conclude all the pre Christmas stuff.

Google translate can be complicated ☺️

OP posts: