Constant sense of overwhelm

[tatertots44]

I'm laid in bed absolutely shattered but unable to switch off. Racing heart and brain won't stop going. I'm so stressed and overwhelmed with life.

I have an 8 month old baby. Overall she's very good. A good sleeper which is massive. But during the day she's clingy and I struggle to put her down and get things done. I have no help from family and dh is at work all day. Also have two older dc from previous marriage who have clubs and commitments too. In 8 months I haven't had a break. No night off, no weekend away. I've done every single bedtime routine, every night feed.

Our house is a massive project that is having some major building works done ironically planned for the same time I'm due back at work from maternity leave. The thought of having to work alongside all the childcare, chores that I already have sends me into a panic. Add the chaos of building works in and it seems impossible. I am barely scraping by now. Baby is meant to be going to nursery but with her clinginess I don't know how she'll cope and the nursery runs will be an added step in an already packed day.

Dh isn't supportive. He's helpful around the house but doesn't do enough with the baby hence why she only wants me. When I try to explain how I feel I get a lot of eye rolling and sighing as if I have nothing to he stressed about. He works hard but I feel like he only has himself to worry about whereas I have the dc, the house, all the day to day stuff that is seen as menial yet takes so much of my energy.

The time of year also doesn't help. Christmas is down to me to sort as well. I'm just totally burnt out and often on the verge of tears. I see other people juggling so much more so why am I so overwhelmed? I feel pathetic. I am taking propranolol for anxiety because things have got so bad. Does anyone have any tips on how to chill out and stop getting in such a state? I know life is chaotic for everyone but I feel so stressed all the time and it's making me snappy, unpleasant and miserable. The worst thing is I know this stage will pass but right now I'm in the eye of the storm with no help and things feel really hard.

I feel your pain! Am 38 weeks pregnant with a 2yo. DP working extra days bless him because of COL crisis, and limited help from family for one reason or another, so feel very overwhelmed a lot of the time too, and house still not ready for new baby despite my best efforts 🙁I at least don't have a load of building work to contend with, that sounds awful!

I would try not to compare yourself to others - there is a fair bit of research that shows a lot of women with young children who struggle, basically play it down because there is so much pressure felt by them to be the perfect mother / perfect woman and make it all look easy. I think lots of people would feel stressed in your situation - I certainly would.

Have you tried a sling for the 8mo? I used one of the stretchy ones with my first, as he wouldn't be put down either. It is slow going, but you can get more stuff done as you have your hands free.

How old are your other DC? Are they old enough to help out a bit at home? Just with simple things like tidying up or setting the table or even holding the baby, if they aren't already?

Is there any way you can put off some of the building work until your baby is settled at nursery?

Are you in a position to throw money at the problem and go back to work fewer days / get a cleaner in? As you are right, it's only short term, so it's not like it would be an ongoing financial strain.

Similarly, short term are there any corners you can cut? For example we are having an awful lot of fish finger and frozen veg dinners atm, when usually I'd do more "proper" cooking. Can you allow your DC more screen time in the short term? I hate doing it, but that's what I might have to fall back on when DP returns to work after his paternity leave. Desperate times and all that.

It's such a shame when things are so busy, you end up wishing away your time.

I have a 5 month old and a 8 year old. Apart from the building works I feel I could have written this. When I talk to people they tell me it's not forever but it feels like it.

Thank you for replying. I'm pleased it's not just me although sorry you are both struggling too. I didn't sleep well so will now be tired on top of everything else I have to do. Dh and I went to bed on a row so feel shitty about that too.

It really is like a drowning feeling. I seem to constantly be rushing around but never achieving what needs to be done.

Older dc are 12 and 10 so very independent and helpful. They are genuinely great kids but I feel a lot of guilt towards not spending as much time with them as I should and they both do after school clubs and groups which is another commitment in the schedule.

I've been the same - renovation rather than full on building, and admittedly this baby isnt clingy (1st was though) but is only just starting to sleep through (10m). I've done all nights and almost all childcare (H helps on weekends but im preferred parent). It's hard, there's no respite, and doing it when woken at godawful times of night is crap. Get baby into nursery for a day or couple half days a week now (also so you can get the month of colds over with before going back to work!). Hopefully help with clinginess and a break for you to hopefully come back to yourself a little.

It's back again. I think the Christmas overwhelm is in motion now too. We have a jam packed weekend, still have shopping to do, I just don't know when I'll get it all done. Dd has been even crankier than usual, can't seem to put her down or get anything done at all unless she's napping. Now older dc are off school so will need to keep them occupied too. Heart is racing and I just feel like I'm floundering.

Have instructed dh to go get some food bits for Christmas which he's agreed to do but annoyed he has to be told everything. Has he not thought himself that we'll need a meal on Christmas Day?!