To not understand why I can’t stick at anything to lose weight

[PickledRat]

My bmi is 31, obese. I’m in my 40s and have been overweight since my early 20s. So for 20 years I’ve read loads of diet books, tried calorie counting, slimming world, weight watchers and various low carb diets and I’ve got nowhere fast. I just can’t seem to stick to any of these things although I understand that it is as simple as eating more that you use resulting in fat storage. I get overcome with hunger and eat more than my daily allowance or something stressful happens and I eat and drink to calm myself down. Other people stick to diets so I don’t understand why I can’t do it. Is there any hope?

Do you have any health issues OP? Thyroid issues, diabetes, PCOS?

If you genuinely believe nothing is working for you, you need to speak to your GP. You may need a full blood count and other tests to rule anything out.

You can’t lose weight fast. It’s a myth.

The best way is to be in a calorie deficit. Everybody’s is different, there are online calculators according to your weight which will determine the amount of calories you would need each day.

The next thing is patience and persistence. It won’t be a quick fix. You’ll not see results for a while. But you can’t give up. You have to keep persevering.

You’ll feel hungry. You just need to ride it out. And instead of snacking, drink water! Drink a pint of water if you feel like having a piece of cake or something unhealthy.

If something stressful happens, you need to stop picking up the drink and channel it into something else.

Do you know what causes you to be that BMI? What's your relationship with food?

Many reasons but finding which is tricky. Childhood trauma and bad habits can play a big role in your adult relationship with food.

There’s also a school of thought which says being unable to lose weight or maintain the weight loss is because your body lacks a certain something which triggers eating certain calorific foods or overeating in general, obviously it’s more technical than that but you get the gist.

Ultimately only you can control what goes in your mouth so unless you’re on it 24/7 it’s going to depend on will power and determination as a long term permanent focus.

Plan your meals in advance. This is the BEST trick to overcome stress/sorrow/hunger eating binges. Plan all your meals and snacks the day before. Keep them ready. Maybe add an extra snack to the plan. You won't fall off the wagon so easily.

Also, exercise. Not to lose weight but to gain energy which will keep you going for longer without food.

I say this as someone who has gone from BMI 30 to 25 over 12 months. It's been slow, but it's happened.

I.lost 10 stone. I was in the zone. I started to put it back on as I'm an emotional eater. Got too much crap going on. When I am in a better place I will be able to do it. You have to be in the zone. Good luck

I think you are honest with yourself and that’s always very helpful. It is generally as simple as calories in and calories out, but simple doesn’t mean easy! You know what to do but there’s a strong psychological element to it that makes it very hard for you. I have no good advice on this - but I’m sure you can get some from somewhere, ways to cope with that hunger you can’t ignore and the emotional eating. Distraction techniques, things to replace that food with if you’re in a low mood, that sort of thing. It’s psychological support you need, and diet books and slimming world are I guess not great with that. Maybe look into some specialised therapy?
On a practical level could more exercise give you a boost?

Thanks for any advice, I will bookmark this thread and try anything.

I don’t have any health issues, I’ve had blood tests and my full count is just outside of normal but nothing to worry about apparently. My thyroid/blood sugar is fine, it’s me that is overeating rather than a problem with my body’s functioning.

Many many people will relate to this. I know I do. Bounced around the overweight category my whole life. Have you considered ozempic? Some people can get it prescribed.

The only thing that works for me is combining keto with intermittent fasting. Fasting has been a really interesting thing. I did a few 24 hour water fasts and was astonished at how freeing it was. I've since not worried so much about skipping meals, rarely eat breakfast as it tends to set my appetite off.

Also, work out if you are an 'abstainer' or a 'moderator' if, like me you are the former you can't just have a little bit of something. I don't have stuff in the house now and that really helps.

It needs to be this:

1. Consistent
2. Social - there needs to be a making/meeting friends element to exercise

Join the Six Pack Revolution with me in January - although I will say I lost weight with it once before and I am back to where I started. But it encourages those two things.

I get overcome with hunger and eat more than my daily allowance or something stressful happens and I eat and drink to calm myself down.

Well frankly, you won't lose until you find different coping methods. None of us did until then

A 12 step programme worked for me

When you try to change too much, too fast, it doesn't work.

What parts of the equation are most under your control right now? What you eat? How much of it you eat? How much time you have to cook & meal plan?

Pick whatever the thing you can control the most, for the longest amount of time, and do that one thing. If it's "cook the same foods but mind portion sizes and log them" then great. If it's "change up your diet & eat more low calorie density foods" then try that. If it's "add exercise" then do that - but only do the ONE thing.

It's a slow process. It requires patience. It can't be all done at once unless you've got lots of resources on your side. But one change, at the lowest point of the bar, that could be the thin end of the wedge for you.

Try Ozempic

Not sure why people talk about blood tests when the issue is clearly written in OP tbh🙈
No need to worry about health issues until this is sorted. If there is no move then, then you look at other causds. Wirrying about blood tests etc just adds unnecessary stress (not being botchy. I do mean it in a positive tone if that makes sense)

Stop thinking about it.
Try switching what and how you eat, so that the overeating is avoided.
If you eat when stressed, try something like boiled sweets.
Eat a balanced breakfast and lunch and have only something light in the early evening.

Basically addressing both the cause and the behaviours as best I could and eliminating sugar and flour (with support couldn't do it alone) which were common factors to all my worst binge foods. I can still emotionally eat but eliminating my real binge foods prevented my from losing control completely for long periods of time and being unable to engage with the feelings/causes whilst i was 'in the food'.

In those moments when you want to comfort eat, try to think of (and do, however small) one alternative thing you could do to feel better. To fix a problem or distract yourself (in a healthy way) or lift your mood. Promise yourself you can eat whatever you feel like after (or not if you don't fancy it after all), but first you'll try something else that might make you feel better.

The odds are you've some deep seated issues, like rest of us, OP, and the food craving is how those issues manifest. Do you know what are the painful places in your psyche?

Its because you're 'going on a diet' rather than making permanent life changes. What will work is being in a fairly small calorie deficit and losing small amounts of weight each week, over a period of time. Health issues meant I've gained it back frustratingly, but before that I lost about 4.5 stone doing just that. I'm now seeing if the issues have passed enough to do the same again.
Have boiled potatoes rather than mash sometimes, eat chocolate but a fun size bar rather than a regular bar, walk to the tube rather than talking the bus etc. Make the changes small enough that you're eating plenty still and don't feel deprived, but that things keep moving in the direction you want.

I’m the same OP, the instant I try to eat more sensibly and reduce my intake all I can think about is food. I’ve got an underactive thyroid as well which makes losing weight a real slog. I’m 40 now and just feel like it’s a losing battle. I don’t really go over a certain weight, it’s just that weight is about 3 stone heavier than I’d like to be!

Well done for losing so much 👏🏻.
I totally agree that your head has to be in the right place to do it

Everyone is different. SW or WW works for some whereas calorie counting with Nutacheck/my fitness pal works for others.

Calories in vs calories out is the usual answer (but not always!) Hormones can play a part in your 40s/50s as you hit peri/menopause - but again, NOT everyone finds this phase an issue.

You sound an emotional eater. Is it likely that you eat from habit or convenience/ease? We're all guilty of that but maybe focus on what is nutritious for your body and what food will help with providing better nutrients.

Focusing on calories can be a slippery slope so maybe just think about better choices...ie coke to drink? Have fizzy water instead. Alcohol? Find a non alcoholic version of your fave and alternate. Choc biscuits with coffee? Have fruit or carrot sticks instead. Just look for making healthier swaps. Boring but it might help you towards your goals.

I have started a fb support group for weightloss for anyone who is feeling their clothes are too snug or that their weight is preventing them from living the life that they want to. It is open now but we are starting properly in January, no advertising of products, gimmicks, or selling anything like that so no mlm selling Just trying to change the mindset and get the weight off. I don't think MN will let me link but pm me if you want to join.
I want to focus on why we have overeaten and what we can do to change the way we look at ourselves. I lost nearly 6 stones last year but it has begun to creep on again so I need to go back to basics.

Because diets don't work OP. If you think of it as dieting then you'll ultimately fail. It has to be lifetime changes to your lifestyle.

I hit peri and it became more of an effort. It was scary and I'm not an emotional eater. So I started lifting weights and changed my food intake to accommodate it properly. It's second nature now. I can have a lot more calories now just to maintain than I ever could before I started.

You need to get comfortable with being hungry, perhaps all the time.

And then no cave to the hunger.

People swear by drinking litres of water to mimic eating.

But fundamentally your body and brain have got used to eating too much.

So unless you eat too much you will feel hungry..

Therefore need to get used to the hunger feeling

Don't "diet". If you're on a diet then you'll be forever looking forward to the time you're off it again. And don't try to lose weight quickly. 0.5lb a month is a good target. Then make some changes that are clear, easy to follow and a permanent part of your lifestyle. For me it was just 2 changes:

• No food outside of meals ever.
• At least 30 minutes exercise at least 3 days a week.

... but for you it might be somethiing different.

Good luck.