To think you don’t need to baby him?

[sorryyoureonmute]

I had a colleague complaining today that if she died then her husband wouldn’t know who their utilities were supplied by or who they have insurance with.

The same husband who lived by himself for quite a few years before meeting and moving in with her.

Aibu to think if you move in to someone’s house then you’d probably just contribute to the bills and stay with the same providers already in the homeowners name? Plus the man lived on his own so he’s clearly capable.

Doesn't sound unreasonable. But tbh who cares how couples choose for their relationship to function if its benign.

DH is also capable but wouldn't know these things. I don't think I have babied him, he takes an equal role in adulting, but I did change the utilities into my name around 18 years after I first moved in as I was looking for a better deal one day and found it, so I changed it. It's not the big deal you seem to think it is.

I have no idea who our utilities and insurance providers are. DH looks after that. Just as he probably has no idea what make our washing machine is or what the DC need for school this week, because that's my domain. I could of course find this info out in an emergency but I certainly don't have it at my fingertips.

It's strange how that stuff never comes up in day to day conversation between them?! Like 'the BT bill was high this month' or 'the electricity is flickering again, I'm going to ring SSE and let them know'

I haven't a clue who our providers are, DH does all of that stuff.

My wife deals with all of the bills. I couldn't tell you who supplies what. That said, we do have a box of documents so I am sure I would figure it out. I deal with the mortgage, its just easier that way, rather than having to mess about with transferring money around. We have our own accounts (rightly IMO, she doesn't need me dictating what she has in her account) so it makes sense that way.

@Blocked "It's strange how that stuff never comes up in day to day conversation between them?! Like 'the BT bill was high this month' or 'the electricity is flickering again, I'm going to ring SSE and let them know"

Who says "the BT bill" - surely people just say the phone bill.
Same for electricity - "I'll call the electricity company later" - my wife deals with this stuff and even she doesn't know who provides our utilities!
Maybe for stuff like Sky though I call Sky "Virgin" because I used to use them for decades!

It doesn't sound great when you put it like that but it's also common to have "allocated responsibilities" in a household. If I carked it my husband would have no idea how to pay the childminder or book school dinners via parent pay. If he kicked the bucket I have no idea how the central heating and hot water programme works. We'd just have to learn!

I don't think either of us are "babied" though obviously it would be ideal if we both knew these things.

Well maybe not the BT bill but you would say something like 'the phone bill is high this month, BT are far too expensive' in normal conversation? It just seems unusual to never ever mention your utility providers in discussion with the person you share your home with.

Depends I guess. In a way I'm glad my mum died first because she wouldn't have coped without my dad
She wouldn't have known any of the finances, how to put fuel in the car, cleaning, the washing machine, anything

I just think different things are the domain of each of us.

My husband has no idea when harvest festival is, when the kids assemblies are, when they need their PE kit etc because I deal with that stuff.

He deals with the Internet, Sky etc.

If he died, I would honestly have to learn how to change a light bulb. I went straight from my parents house, to his parents house, to our own home. I've never had to do it. No one has babied me...its just never been my job.

I mean, if he lived alone as an adult before meeting her then presumably he's done all of this things before and absolutely would manage. If in doubt it isn't as thought paperwork isn't sat at home is it.

I think people sometimes just want to feel in charge and important, and very much want to feel as though they are crucial to another persons existence - what would he/she do without me etc. Doesn't make it a reflection of reality so much as insecurity.

In situations where it is in fact the case then more fool whoever runs the home and accepts a partner not participating, and also more fool the person that allows their partner to have total control over legalities and utilities that their name is on or which affects them. Why make it a hundred times harder for yourself should the worst happen and your partner passes.

I wouldn't specify the suppliers in either of those examples

🤷🏻‍♀️ if I died tomorrow my DH would be the exact same, he's got no clue how much our bills are or who our suppliers are - he doesn't check the bank account that carefully 😂 if he died tomorrow I'd have no clue about car MOTs, how to work the boiler or immersion heater, what bin day it was etc! Different bits of the home are our respective "jobs" and we don't really get too involved with the other.