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Original poster

Is this a silly reason to call things off with someone

17 replies

pinky955 · 13/12/2022 16:26

He takes hours to reply to messages. When I say hours, I mean it could be up to 10 hours. Sometimes even the next day. Doesn't like phone calls apparently so we never speak on the phone. Have raised this issue with him and he just says I need understand that he's "busy". I don't understand how someone can be too busy to reply to a text. It literally takes 2 minutes. In my experience, any guy that has been interested in me has always wanted to text/call a lot, so I'm interpreting his lack of texting/calls as him not being that interested, which is making me pull back a bit. Is this a petty reason to call things off with someone?

We have been dating for a few months.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 13/12/2022 16:28

It sounds like he’s not that bothered about you so break up and find another one

ActionThisDay · 13/12/2022 16:28

Not petty, no. It might be he's not that keen, it might be that he just prefers to reply slowly. Either way he's not a good fit for you.

TulipCat · 13/12/2022 16:28

Yes, that taken alone is a silly reason to end it. I would take you as being a bit needy if I'm honest. But if there are other things as well that make you think he's not that into you, then that's a different story.

Reindeersnooker · 13/12/2022 16:29

It's a pity we have texts really. However it doesn't sound like you're compatible.

MissMaple82 · 13/12/2022 16:30

I do this.... its only with people I cant really be arsed with and don't really care if they stay or go though. The ones I genuinely give a massive fuck about I always find to reply.

Frosty1000 · 13/12/2022 16:34

He might be just busy or working so can't get to his phone. However it doesn't sound like he's as invested as you.

Try doing a him and not responding/texting for hours and see the reaction.

But if you're not happy move on. But I wouldn't cite this as the reason to break up.

onefedupmum · 13/12/2022 16:36

Maybe he's not much of a texter? I can take days to reply to texts.

DashboardConfessional · 13/12/2022 16:37

Anyone going to bed without firing off a reply before they put the phone on charge or turn it off for the night (when they aren't phoning either) is only vaguely invested. I've colleagues on my small team that reply more quickly.

Thepeopleversuswork · 13/12/2022 16:39

It totally depends on what he's like with other people. Some people just don't "do" messaging. Others do it more or less constantly.

I have a friend who takes days to reply to text messages and doesn't use any social media at all. Some people feel totally overwhelmed and oppressed by it all, while others can't live without it.

If you see him constantly on his phone and messaging others you might reasonably think he's not that bothered about you and fair enough. But it may just be that he doesn't bother with it.

I'd be wary but I wouldn't necessarily throw it away just because you've met someone who isn't addicted to their phone. It could actually be quite a good thing.

barneshome · 13/12/2022 16:39

I do not reply to messages often
If someone has something to talk about they need to ring
I do not spend my life looking at a screen and responding
Just do not have the time or interest

Matildahoney · 13/12/2022 16:42

I've been with my partner 5 years, he's never really been a texter, it definitely doesn't make him any less invested for those of you that suggest this. Some people just don't like to be contactable the whole time!
If he's on his phone a lot when you're together then by all means have an issue with it, but if he's not that's just the way he is! If he's great on ask other areas I'd put up with it and accept it

DashboardConfessional · 13/12/2022 16:42

But they don't speak on the phone either! If he never phones and doesn't text, arranging anything must be a nightmare.

Igglepiggleslittletoe · 13/12/2022 17:09

I would be expecting at least a text before bed. Myself and DP go hours without texting because of work or whatever but never ever do not send a goodnight flurry of messages. Neither of us is a phone fan as we both do it for work a lot so we dont do phone chats much. Texting is our thing.

TheCurseOfBoris · 13/12/2022 17:24

OP, it obviously bothers you a lot (it would me) so for that reason I'd end it. You have different needs and ways of communicating and it's always going to frustrate you. Sounds like he likes to be in control or isn't that invested.

Honeybirds87 · 13/12/2022 17:27

Some people would think it a good thing. Until dh and I moved in together after 3 years we didn't speak every day and saw each other twice or occasionally 3 times a week. I'd hate the constant need to be in touch with someone.

However that is my experience and if you need constant contact then you need it and this relationship probably won't work for you

Benjispruce4 · 13/12/2022 17:29

The not liking phone calls is a bit weird.

mincepiepie · 13/12/2022 18:31

It would bother annoy me too. But that's his style so bin him off and move on.

You should never feel bad about calling or texting a boyfriend or girlfriend.

I couldn't be with someone who didn't do messages.

I don't like the phone though .

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