Am I being silly here?

[FebMama]

Happy to be told I'm the one being unreasonable but just wanted to hear some opinions.

Currently 32 weeks pregnant. Had a hospital appointment with the consultant last week and was told all was fine, no need for any additional growth scans at this point and to continue with regular midwife appointments.

Fast forward to this morning and I receive a text message from the hospital, reminding me of my scan appointment next week. I call up and they confirm that I have been booked on for a growth scan and they couldn’t work out why I haven’t been told of this.

Anyway, I contact DH to let him know about the scan next week.

Now bearing in mind, DH has only been to the 12 week scan during this pregnancy. He missed the 20 week scan because of work. I’ve since had two trips to the hospital one for reduced movements and one for an episode of bleeding, both of which I went alone. One time he had work and the other time he had DS1 at home with him whilst I got checked out, which is fine.

I have had to have a number of conversations with DH during this pregnancy about how I feel he’s not invested or not interested or excited about the arrival of DS2. Casting my mind back to expecting DS1, there was so much more excitement, DH attended every single scan appointment and wouldn’t miss it.
With DS1, we even went for a 4D scan when I was around 30 weeks just because we were so excited. In fact, it was his idea. I asked him if he wanted to do the same this time with DS2 and his response was “well we’re going to see the baby soon anyway so there’s no point”. Okay, fine.

Now back to the scan appointment. DH calls me and says he can’t come along with me on that day as he has an all day work meeting from 9-5pm (not unheard of, he has all day meetings regularly). I ask him if he can come along to the scan (which is in the morning) and join the meeting a little later, he says no. I remind him that he can have up to 2 antenatal appointments covered based on paternity rights and given that he missed the 20 week scan, it would be ideal if he could come to this one. Again, he says no and says that he’s out for work all day and then has his work Xmas do that evening.
Firstly - what does the Xmas do have to do with anything?! The scan is in the morning. So this comment has pissed me right off.
Secondly, although DH works in quite a demanding job, long hours, lots of travel, there have been times where he can be flexible with his hours when it suits his needs, e.g there’s been times he’s been able to start work later because he needs to get a haircut.

I’m annoyed at this point as he’s already point blank made the decision he can’t come to the scan without even having the discussion with his boss first.

DH eventually went into a mard and said “fine I’ll ask the question but I can’t promise anything”.
I know he will turn around and say I’m being unreasonable expecting him to take time out of work.

Am I making a big deal of this? Should I just let this go and attend the scan by myself?

YABU - let it go
YANBU - he should make more of an effort in this scenario

I can’t see any reason why he needs to come to the scan when he’s suppose to be in work, it only needs you there. But it sounds like he’s probably not pulling his weight generally here which doesn’t sound fair, I’d probably approach it from that angle with him rather than about the scan.

For a lot of women, attendance at scans by their DH is important nd I think if you're one of those women, he should respect that and make the effort.

But I will admit that I've never understood it. I think DH attended my first scan with DC1 and the many many scans I had after that were by myself. It just always felt like such a waste of time for him to come along with me. It would have been very different if there was any concern for the baby obviously, but these were routine scans to keep an eye on things. So for me, unless you're at risk and expecting bad news, I don't really see why he should come.

I can see both sides. My DH didn't come to many of my appointments especially with DC2. It sounds like you think he's uninterested in other ways. Again my DH seemed unexcited and removed right up to birth of DC2. I was hurt by it. Once DC2 was born (he was fab during birth) he confessed he'd been feeling stressed out and nervous so had withdrawn from being excited. That's not necessarily the right thing to do of course but I understood when he explained it. Maybe it's just that?

I’d judge him by his behaviour when the baby arrives TBH. It’s not your first pregnancy, it’s understandable he won’t be as excited this time.

Thank you @SavingKitten and @GerbilsForever24 for your opinions!

@33goingon64 really interesting you say this, I had a frank conversation with DH about his feelings about this pregnancy just a few weeks ago and he admitted that he does feel differently this time, mainly because we have more expenses now than we did when we were expecting DS1 and financially he knows he will be supporting us a lot more given I will be on maternity.
He has reassured me that he wants this baby more than anything and once the baby is here, he will be so loved and so wanted. I don't doubt for a second he won't be besotted with him as he was with DS1. Which kind of goes with what you're saying @ThanksAntsThants

I completely understand things won't feel the exact same as expecting your first so that's why I'm wondering if I'm just making a bigger deal of this than need be.

I guess for me, given he knows how I feel about things and he's reassured me he will try harder and show more excitement and/or interest, this was an opportunity for him to demonstrate that and prioritise the appointment and he hasn't taken that opportunity when it's been presented to him.

Meh, I'm going to blame my hormones here too.

Sorry to say this is life with multiple children. Divide and conquer is the name of the game.

Your dh actually sounds really sensible prioritising a work meeting and social function given the upcoming responsibility on him financially.

You need to stop seeing it as work or family and understand that work facilitates a secure family life. And get your head around doing parenting solo a lot more than first time round. If you need him there you need to make that clear but a growth scan I don't think it's really a priority to have two parents there.

Thank you @mrsplum2015 I think I needed to hear that.