Niece's engagement party invite

Cherryblossom121 · 2022-12-13T14:40:51+00:00

I am literally in the loo of a cafe....what do you think of this? I am in London with my husband and two children, the eldest of whom is from a previous marriage. We have just me husband's sister and niece for lunch. They asked what we had done the day before, I said that eldest one and I had met his aunt for lunch. Sister-in-law promptly turned round and said she thought we always went everywhere together and then asked husband and younger child to daughter's engagement party! So just because eldest child saw his aunt without younger one (who isn't related) she can just invite her nephew somewhere without me and his brother. I am raging. I think younger one wants to go. What shall I say when I get back?

Alexandernevermind · 13/12/2022 14:45

That's really odd. Tell her it's fine, if you aren't invited it gets you out of buying a gift.

Astitichintimesaveswine · 13/12/2022 14:52

I'd say, 'oh, aren't we invited then?', to see what she says. She's v rude and I wouldn't like to let her off the hook.

GerbilsForever24 · 13/12/2022 15:00

I'm a little confused. YOu're not invited to the engagement party and neither is your child?

Never mind what YOU are going to say, what did your DH say? Because surely the response here should be from him and along lines of, "hang on, are you saying that Cherry isn't invited?"

whataboutya · 13/12/2022 15:02

Yes. How your DH reacts to this is important. Tho having escaped to the loo you may have missed him coming to your defence. Get back out there pronto!!

stuntbubbles · 13/12/2022 15:02

What did the niece say when her mother was issuing passive aggressive invitations to her (the niece’s) party?

Tigofigo · 13/12/2022 15:07

I sort of see her logic - you went to see your sister (ex in law) with blood relative child, now she's inviting her sibling and blood relative child. So you've set the precedent for her doing either what she always wanted to do, or it's her way of getting you back for what she considers your own fault.

It's still a dick move though.

MistletoeandBaileys · 13/12/2022 15:13

Ooh I would have said I take it we’re not invited then? Saves us buying a gift!

It is so rude OP to you and your son. I hope DH stuck up for you both when you popped into the loo.

And I think it’s lovely that you’re meeting with your sons aunt for lunch and keeping good links between everyone. It’s such a positive thing for your son to see.

IDontWantToBeAPie · 13/12/2022 15:16

Tigofigo · 13/12/2022 15:07

I sort of see her logic - you went to see your sister (ex in law) with blood relative child, now she's inviting her sibling and blood relative child. So you've set the precedent for her doing either what she always wanted to do, or it's her way of getting you back for what she considers your own fault.

It's still a dick move though.

Except the step child is married into the aunts and nephews family. OPs other child is presumably not involved either with the other child's family by either marriage or biology. Just by their sibling being related to them.

Not the same

Puppers · 13/12/2022 15:19

I don’t understand how your/DH’s choices for your family to spend the previous day have any bearing whatsoever on this woman or her daughter’s party.

What did your DH say? What was his immediate response during the conversation? It’s unfortunate that he was put on the spot but he had an obligation to back you up and essentially the only acceptable way for him to respond was to immediately say “so you’re not inviting my wife or DSC?” and if she confirmed that was correct, “that’s strange. Well then obviously none of us will be attending”.

Mirabai · 13/12/2022 15:33

Ask DH to clarify you’re not invited and then he can politely decline.

RegularNameChangerVersion21 · 13/12/2022 15:36

I also agree that DH should have asked his sister for clarification. If she really did mean that only DH and his biological child were invited (not his wife and step child) then I'd expect him to let them know no way would he attend!

RegularNameChangerVersion21 · 13/12/2022 15:38

Tigofigo · 13/12/2022 15:07

I sort of see her logic - you went to see your sister (ex in law) with blood relative child, now she's inviting her sibling and blood relative child. So you've set the precedent for her doing either what she always wanted to do, or it's her way of getting you back for what she considers your own fault.

It's still a dick move though.

This would only be equivelant if OP and her DH were divorced. Since they're obviously married and OP's older child is his step child it's incredibly rude to exclude them!

SmallPrawnEnergy · 13/12/2022 15:40

What do I say when you get back?

What did you say when she said it is what I want to know? Or did you just stand up and run to the toilet to ask MN? The conversation probably moved on while you were hiding. This is so fucking odd.

Just ask why you’re not invited? Not rocket science.

Theskyisfallingdown · 13/12/2022 15:40

I would jump at any chance whatsoever to not attend an engagement party. 😄 Did your husband not say anything?

fancyacuppatea · 13/12/2022 15:42

I'm sure you, your DH and your kids are busy that day.
and if you weren't, you sure as helll are now

CluelesslyCurious · 13/12/2022 15:43

Tigofigo · 13/12/2022 15:07

I sort of see her logic - you went to see your sister (ex in law) with blood relative child, now she's inviting her sibling and blood relative child. So you've set the precedent for her doing either what she always wanted to do, or it's her way of getting you back for what she considers your own fault.

It's still a dick move though.

I can’t see the logic in this at all actually…

NonagonInfinityOpensTheDoor · 13/12/2022 15:44

Tigofigo · 13/12/2022 15:07

I sort of see her logic - you went to see your sister (ex in law) with blood relative child, now she's inviting her sibling and blood relative child. So you've set the precedent for her doing either what she always wanted to do, or it's her way of getting you back for what she considers your own fault.

It's still a dick move though.

Going for a coffee with your sister isn’t really “setting the precedent” for being excluded from a family celebration.

People who treat blended families like this are scum.

Tannedandfake · 13/12/2022 15:44

What was DH’s response?