to question my 'best friend'?- Long Rant!

[stayhomemum]

I spoke to an old school friend last week (who Ill call X), for the first time in a couple of years really, and she said some things about a very close friend of mine (Ill call her Z),that has got me thinking.

X told me that many people from my old school were asking Z about how I was doing when my DS was born 10 weeks premature in August. X said that she and a couple of other people wanted to visit me and DS in SCBU, and tried to get my contact details from Z, yet X failed to give them out.

I had no idea these people were trying to contact me, and it would have been great at a time when I needed such support.

X also mentioned another school friend who I have been asking Z about for months now. Z said she had lost all contact, yet X told me that this girl and Z are in constant contact, and Z had failed to tell her when my Mum had passed away. Needless to say this other friend was both angry and annoyed as she knew my Mum, but had lost contact with me.

I really cant believe that Z would act like this. I thought she was a very good friend, doting on DS and visiting us every week in SCBU after work. She called several times when DH and I were living abroad, often to brag about one thing or another (passing her test after I failed 4 times, and buying a VW Lupo- my fave car).

I didnt think anything of it, and was pleased for her. Yet, after what I was told last week, I am wondering why she would act like this. Z often bitches about X and other old school friends when shes with me.

I dont want confrontation, but I want to know why she has acted like this. What should I do?

Now you have made contact with X again can you keep in touch and get her to pass on your number to the other friends that have been asking after you?

I think it could be that Z is a bit clingy and wants you all to herself, also it sounds as if she is a bit jealous of you.

Do you believe X?

If what she is saying is true then it probably wont be worth a confrontation as Z will turn things around to others and make it out as you are the "baddie". Do as Kimi says and keep contact with X.

Would be fascinating to know what Z would make of what X said though!

Don't confront Z. Just ask X for the friends' details that you want to hear from. Have a lovely big catch up and enjoy that.

Z definitely has issues but I wouldn't bother forcing open that particular can of worms. Just make sure you have contact with the people you want. And don't join in the bitching when Z starts.. . . . .

Hmmmm

Did Z know that you really needed the support. Old school friends can be tricky and personally I would not want to start trying to build up lapsed friendships if my child was in SCBU. Maybe Z thought that she was protecting you and giving you some room.

Lets face it Z is the one who has stayed in touch with you over the years from school, it says more about her than the others who have 'lost touch'.

As for her bragging about her test and car, was it really bragging or are you just narked because she has done something that you have not.

Real friendship is found in the 'actions' and not words of the individuals, you plainly say yourself that she has been a good friend.

I would tread carefully, a friendship of years duration, even when the person has apparent faults but is loyal in times of trouble is worth far more than some fly by night old school chum who could never be botherd to keep in contact in the first place.

Also remember some people just love a drama and you have had a big one.

Thanks for the great replies!

I definately dont want a confrontation, and so Ill follow the advice of giving contact details to X for her to pass onto those who have asked.

Somebody else told me that Z may be jealous. I did catch her once back in high school 'getting off' with my then ex bf. An incident I chose to put behind me way back then.

I am really pleased for all she has achieved as I know how hard she has worked to get to where she is today (newly graduated teacher at the school we used to attend).

I do often question the intentions of Z, often feeling belittled by her, but again I cant deny the fact she has been there when Ive needed her.