Have you ever been kept a secret?

[Baobuns]

When I was 21 a decade ago I worked at an FE college, and I ended up dating one of the students, who was the same age, once he and I had both left. I wasn't their teacher, just did some intervention sessions with them, but we didn't get in touch until we'd both left permanently.

After several months had passed, it became apparent that barely any of his friends knew about me.
He had been in touch with a friend of his from the course on social media for a couple of weeks, and apparently not once in this time had he mentioned me, even though he had pretty much moved in with me by this point and we'd been on holiday together etc.
He said 'oh it just didn't come up in conversation'.
He refused to acknowledge our relationship on social media, I know it's just social media but when you're 21 I guess it matters.
I asked him about it and he said that he kept our relationship a secret because he 'knew the girls would make bitchy comments'.
I don't know why he was so certain that they'd make rude comments.

Only his 2 closest friends knew, and one of them must have told some of their other friends we were dating, and my ex started saying what a prick he was.
Anyway a few months down the line he gave me his old phone, and i deleted some old texts off of it. One of them was to one of the classmates and it said, "Now we're more serious our relationship is no longer a secret"
Looking back I had no self esteem, but you don't always when you're 21 I suppose. I don't know why i put up with that. Have you ever been kept secret?

I haven't. There's no way i'd tolerate being someones dirty little secret.

Yeah you're right, I wish I hadn't.
It's not like I was some 50 year old dating my 16 year old pupil (not that that would happen but you know)

No, or we'll, I cooled instantly if it seemed that way.

I never have, at least I don't think so, but I often fantasised about having a secret relationship; one in which nobody except the two of us knew anything about it. It seemed romantic and exciting! Also I am quite a private person so it might have suited me.

However it wouldn't have involved living together which is a different ball game altogether.

It happened, it's in the past, you were both very young and we all make mistakes, op. There must have been some good things about it as you went away on holiday together so try to remember those and move on.

I have. Completely get where you're coming from OP. My first "boyfriend" for lack of a better word (from ages 19-21). Wouldn't acknowledge me in public, never held my hand until one night we were walking home from the pub at about 2am so no one around to see. I was young, naive and desperate to be loved. NEVER again! I'm a gift and anyone is lucky to have me, is my attitude.

Yes.
It's common in same sex relationships, so I've dated people who've not been out yet. I've hidden in bathrooms etc when family come over. It's a hard thing to be denied, but also hard to watch a loved on grapple with something so big. I ended a relationship because of it, because I could see that she had no plans to come out due to her work place and family being immeshed and there was only so long I was willing to do it for! Really felt for her, her reasons were completely valid but I was past the hiding stage

I guess I've kept some relationships "secret" in that we've been together several months before ive told friends and family, because I'm a private person really and it feels like jinxing it! I would wait to see if it was lasting before telling any one

I was by an ex. We were together for 8 years. We broke up and he started another relationship with someone who was quite jealous. My ex and I were friends still and met every now and then. I discovered I was a secret when he told me I was named in his phone as 'mark' so his girlfriend didn't find out we were still in touch.

I also saw his family once when I was out and they were really rude with me. When I mentioned it to him, he told me that they didn't know that we were still friends and basically that he'd made out he had never spoken to me since we split.

I then saw him somewhere with his family and he completely blanked me (even though it was an event where we were in the same room for an hour and he blanked me the whole time). I don't know why I tolerated this.

My fiancé at the time said how horrible it was that I was being kept a secret and I deserved better than that. I hadn't thought of it like that before.
So I stopped the 'friendship' with my ex and distanced myself after that.