Revenge or higher ground?

[Carrotpuree]

Our neighbour cornered my husband a few weeks ago and said some pretty unpleasant things. She thinks him rude and arrogant, the nicer ones to repeat. We have no idea where this vitrol has come from. My husband befriended the last street I lived in - I’d been there nearly 15 years when he moved in - most of them had ignored me - after he arrived we were invited to retirement parties! He sweeps the snow off pavements, looks after shared green space when the council can’t be arsed.
Apparently our neighbour think the kids and I are lovely, just not him. He talked about it all that day, and still mentions it. It’s clearly cut him deep. I have said to let it go, clearly onset dementia because it is so out of character for her. But what should I do? I don’t want war with our neighbours but she’s really upset us.

I just can’t think of a revenge that wouldn’t make me less than her. I don’t think she has dementia, it’s the only way I can persuade my husband or to take it to heart

You are going to get a lot of responses which talk about how terrible revenge is etc.

I actually think the best revenge would be to be direct. You have no idea why she felt the need to say that to your husband and it's best if you don't speak any more.

It isn't revenge to be clear that she has been very rude and ended your friendship and any shows of neighbourly goodwill. It is just a consequence of her actions.

I wouldn't keep what she said a secret, either.

I agree with this, tell her and cut her off totally, she ceases to exist for you. I'm not sure why you'd think of any other kind of revenge than letting her know what you thought and doing that, TBH.

You think she has early onset dementia and you want to take revenge on her?

It’s not revengeful to tell her how out of order she was and ignore her going forward- what a bitch- also so random.

Christ, revenge? This isn't game of thrones. 🙄

Tell her what she said was unnecessary, but revenge? Grow up.

No, I just said that to make make my husband feel better.

I find thinking the phrase 'You are dead to me' very helpful when someone is that unpleasant.

Do you know it's early dementia? it could be just viciousness that's never come out before.

Can you ask her why she felt the need to say that to him? Poor man.

Well as its bothering you I'd go round and ask her directly WHY she has said such about your DH.

Or let it drive you bonkers.

I wouldn't go round and ask her because that's playing into her hands and giving her the chance for more vitriol. If you and DH are happy that he's none of those things and the rest of the neighbours don't think he is, then give her as little thought as you can manage. She set out to hurt, she has succeeded and she's probably itching for you to kick off round 2.

Revenge?

Scratch her car ... steal her cat .... Have takeaways delivered to her house?

What on earth are you even considering???

Your husband doesn't have to be everyone's friend. It might be interesting to find out what triggered this outburst but you may never get to the bottom of it, unless you talk to her to find out. Is it worth the hassle?

Thank you Mumsnet, we have decided we’d to follow a friend’s advice, kill her with kindness. I don’t care what the alleged slight was we have sent a Christmas card from all (signed). We will all be saying a cheery good morning when we see her, especially when the grandkids are about.

But am I allowed to still go mwah mwah ha ha ha ha ha