I just can’t seem to get out of this shit pattern.
I’ve left an abuser after 5 years of absolute emotionally, financially abusive hell. I have no friends, barely any family. I get accused of being in a relationship with my abuser every 5 minutes by my mother who’s called me all the names under the sun to family and friends so now I don’t want to talk to them anymore as I just think everyone who I speak to will hate me
I have a 3 y/o DD. Was diagnosed with PNA after birth and I’m so worried about her health 24/7 that I’ve barely taken her to any baby groups. Supposed to be starting nursery in January but I’m so anxious about all the germs and illnesses I hate the thought of sending her. I know I need to get a grip.
I’ve been out of work for 3 years and can’t get a job. Supposed to be starting volunteering soon but I don’t know if I can afford to volunteer and not get paid as the cost of living is absolutely creasing me.
The only friend I had owes me a significant amount of money that for some reason I’m too scared to ask for it back. It’s like I’m conditioned to be scared of confrontation.
During the abuse I used to go to a coffee morning with other women going through it and every single one of them is in a better place, some are even thriving now which is amazing, except me, life is still consistently just as shit, what am I doing wrong. I’ve lost 5 family members , my dad & both sets of grandparents within 4 years and I’m starting to think this shit is just the cards I’ve been dealt and to get over it. Don’t try and progress as anything I do will be pointless.
Im also not suicidal, but I wish I wasn’t me. If that makes any sense, I’d love to be someone else even just for a week and see what it’s like.