To think trying to persuade children to believe in Santa is wrong?

[antelopevalley]

Most children reach the age where they begin to question the existence of Father Christmas. I think it is fine when children ask if he is real to say, what do you think? But I see some parents going to elaborate lengths to persuade questioning children to keep believing.

I think there comes a point where this switches from a nice story to have magic in your children's life, to lying to your children so that as a parént you can enjoy them believing.

I get in terms of things we all do wrong this is fairly minor, but I do think it is better if children are told the truth by parents about Santa when they ask a direct question.

Not convinced how common it is for parents to aggressively insist Father Christmas is real (or else).

Pretending in Father Christmas is not wrong.

If there are parents so unhinged that they deny presents if a child expresses disbelief, then Santa Claus is clearly the least of their issues.

This is a made up problem.

I think most parents know when they are just causing confusion and feelings of worry about this rather than allowing a younger child to enjoy the magic. Hopefully they respond appropriately depending on which of these it is. I don't think other people need to tell other parents how best to manage this.

I find it odd that parents are so keen to keep it going as long as possible.

I must say, I’d find it really odd for a child of 11 to still believe. Surely they have friends with older siblings who have told their brothers and sisters years ago?

Morally I don’t think lying is that acceptable and it sets a precedent to lie about other things. I was at an event this weekend, which although good, involved the hosts bullshitting the wide eyed kids with little winks to the parents. It all felt a little bit off. I could see the kids going in to school if this snow ends and happily telling the lies that they had been fed and making fools of themselves in the process.

My dad said he’d never lie to me if I asked a direct question
i asked when I was around 3 or 4, he asked what did I think and gave me a chance to change my mind, but obviously I wanted the answer.
I’d rather that he had brushed my question off and I could keep wondering, I was so little!
i don’t believe anyone grows up messed up because otherwise good and loving parents lied about this one thing.

Humans often communicate bigger, more meaningful truths via myth. That's what Santa is for me. A bigger truth about the live and generosity of the world, closer to creation myths which are a facet of all human civilisations. To see it as a 'lie' misses the point spectacularly in my opinion.

I would have lied at 3 to 4 years old.

When I was a child I pretended to believe for a good couple of years after I stopped, so as not to spoil it for my younger sister. I think parents should let the realisation dawn in its own time; not go to huge lengths to perpetuate it artificially, but not deliberately debunking it either.

Lots of children of 9 or 10 are perfectly able and willing to suspend their disbelief in order to enjoy Santa. Maybe younger children dont quite have that capacity when the setting is super familiar?
Just like adults will watch EastEnders, or Jamie Oliver in “his” kitchen, or Saw movies or whatever and temporarily ignore that it’s not real in order to enjoy the program.

There’s really no need to tell children there’s no such person 2 weeks before Christmas, or to suggest they must be stupid or gullible. If they ask then they probably want to know the truth, so I’d not lie, but at this point in the year I’d be going with the “what do you want to think?” type responses.

I think this is one of those things that parents can over think.

Just parent the child in front of you, trust your instincts.

And as for those parents of young children wondering how to approach the subject of Father Christmas...Good lord. How lucky we are in our lives that this an issue we have head space for.

(I am a believer at age 40 btw 😁)

I think parents should always deny when asked, i also think children will naturally find out themselves whether it be age 7,9 or 11.

What does it matter if they are a little older, its meant to be a magical thing for them and god knows they dont have much of that when they hit adult life.

My mum still says to me "well i believe" and i will use the same on my 3dcs, they arent going to get into adulthood still beliving.

Let them have the magic, its only for a short period in their lives.

I'm sure their dc is absolutely fine.

Adults picking on kids is absolutely not on.

It depends what you believe in. I believe in the magic of Christmas - I can feel it, and can see the excitement in my kids and family as Christmas gets closer. I believe in the concept of giving presents and not expecting anything in return, just giving for giving's sake. I don't believe in the coca-cola advert Santa's dressed in red suits, squeezing down someone's chimney and neither do my kids anymore but we all believe in the idea of Christmas.

“Santa Claus” was undeniably real. He was St Nicholas, bishop of Myra, who lived from 270-343AD. The legend developed after his death, based on his gifts of gold dropped through poor people’s windows or down chimneys, to provide dowries for their daughters to get married.
I explained this to my DDs when they were old enough to understand. As Christians, they knew the most important gift at Christmas was Jesus, anyway. Salvation and eternal life, from the loving sacrifice of God, beats the hell out of any plastic tat and tinsel!

Yeah they’re definitely not fine.

You don't seem to have much understanding of children and you're being very nasty with it. Christ knows why, does it make you feel better about something?

I expect that's why people are 'labouring the point'. Very odd to see a grown woman speak of a child she doesn't know in this way

Some parents just get themselves into an unnecessary pickle over this.
Tell me about it. FC brings stockings only here. We do the whole leaving out a mince pie for him thing but don't make a massive deal. 6 year old asked this year if it was just us pretending so I confirmed it. Didn't feel like a thing. Just something he worked out and asked about so I answered.

My DC are 6 and 4 and thankfully neither of them are asking questions about whether he's real or not. I get lots of questions about how things with Santa works and I've just been replying "I don't know. Santa magic I suppose". When the day comes that my eldest is asking whether or not he's real I don't think I'll lie to prolong it. And hope he doesn't spoil it for his little brother! Just explain that's it's a kind of surprise to make Christmas feel really special. It'll break my heart when they learn the truth but only because the magic and innocence only really lasts a few short years from when they get the concept of Santa.

I told mine that Santa exists for children that believe, once they stop believing then mums and dads take over the job. Ds still wanted the magic at 11, Dd was around 8. I still wait till they are asleep to put stockings out. Whatever works for your own family

I agree. How nasty.
Obviously this poster has their own issues and unhappiness to deal with but it's not OK to speak about a child like that, or to attempt to upset someone the way she has.

YABU

What annoys me is all the parents who spend the entire of December emotionally bribing their children into doing whatever they say all they will go on the naughty list. It wrong and definitely not inkeeping with the Christmas spirit.

My daughter is 8 and got very upset about not believing in Santa, she said "I really want to believe but I just don't think I do". I ended up saying something like "it's okay, as you get older you may feel that you don't believe in Santa anymore but that doesn't mean that Santa won't believe in you". It's entirely up to her if she doesn't believe, I won't be trying to convince her he does but I won't be telling her he doesn't exist either.