I’m burnt out caring about politics

[PrivilegedBurnOut]

I’m burnt out caring about politics. I’m canadian by the way. I feel like it’s really hard to sort through the truths and untruths. My friends are constantly talking about politics but I feel like it’s really affecting my mental health. I try to change the subject but they just bounce right back to it.

I want to talk about movies, games or hobbies. I really like drawing and painting and try to pull it up on my phone to show them and get them talking about their favourite activities. Sometimes it works but then they just jump back to the awful state of the world.

It just makes me feel really hopeless. I finally confessed to them that I wanted to take a break from it for a bit because I’m having difficulty forming honest opinions because I just get the feeling that I’m voting for the person everyone wants me to vote for and not necessarily who is best for the country or someone I really believe in.I don’t feel like I’m really making a difference.

They told me I only feel like that because I have the privilege to feel that way because I’m white and I have a duty to keep talking, thinking, voting and essentially centring my entire life around politics because all the people of colour, LGBTQ+ and other vulnerable people don’t get the option to stop thinking about it because it’s their everyday life.

They then blasted me with lots of stressful online articles basically guilting me for even thinking that way.

My mental health is in a bad place. I just feel like this is really ironic because they are always going on about self care and mental health and looking after yourself. This is my way of looking after myself. I’m seriously considering moving on and just finding new friends but we’ve hung out for so many years it’s hard to think of life without them. It wasn’t always like this. We used to talk about our hobbies and the things we love. I miss those days.

YABU - You are being privileged. You should stay friends.

YANBU - Your friends suck. Find new ones.

Yanbu but don't bin them completely.

Oh god, find new friends.

I’m not really sure how to manage in a balanced way… I suppose I could slowly cut back on hanging out with them to once every couple of weeks. I just gotten to a place where I really dread the talks of doom and gloom. 😕

They sound fucking tedious.

I understand completely. No-one has to be actively engaged in politics. It doesn't matter what their background is. Being unengaged and accepting of the situation is perfectly valid. Personally I wish people who didn't follow politics properly didn't vote at all.

If I were you, I'd try to broaden my friendship group. Find some people who you a common interestwith. You don't need to lose the old ones completely. Maybe if you see them less the dynamic may change.

Are your friends mostly white, by any chance? As a person of colour, I find that the only reason I’m forced to think about my skin colour all the time is thanks to the “progressive” white activist types I work with and who won’t stop othering me to bolster their credentials. If my friends were like this, I’d stop seeing them.

Yanbu, I avoid conversations about politics because they just go around and around in circles and don’t really get anywhere in terms of making a positive difference. It does become a bit depressing and a bit of a mood killer.

Have you said to them what you’ve posted here?

Maybe explain that you get why politics is important but that it is equally important to you to take a time out from it.

And fwiw there is more to life than politics and you only get one life so you should be able to enjoy as much of it as you can no matter who you are. Privileged or unprivileged should be able to enjoy any aspects of life that they want without feeling guilty that they are not obsessing over the problems in the world.

There are terrible problems all around us, but there is incredible beauty in the world surrounding us too. There is nothing wrong with focusing on what is good. In fact it is good for the soul.

Maybe we’d all be better able to solve life’s challenges better if we focused a bit more on what is good.

Also, what do they actually do about these things they purport to care about? Anything? Or is it all social media posturing and trying to shame other people?

You’re right. I think if I just give up on them I would really regret it. I think my just just isn’t on right because of my mental health going bad. Naive I just need to clear my thoughts and hang out with some other people once in awhile. 😅 it’ll be nice to have some variety!

@GCAcademic what a ducking depressing work environment.

OP - I have lots of views about lots of things (thanks mn) - but I refuse to discuss politics and religion with real-life people. So tedious and we’re never going to agree and I can’t abide shouty activists.

The one time I abandoned this (due to gin intake) I ranted about Women’s rights and was branded various types of phobic… by a woman who’s been in the media waxing lyrical about her electric vehicle and the planet and has just flown out to Oz for a month.

discussing IRL shows us all up for the hypocrites we are and I prefer to float along in a capsule of security, smugness and naice things - like kittens.

If you felt like it, you could play their game and call them out on their ableist assumption that everyone is lucky enough to have spare mental energy to spend on politics, and how exhausting it is when fortunate people like them fail to consider the impact of invisible disability. If you want to go all-out you could even give them a patronising lecture about spoons.

They sound utterly tedious.

@ImustLearn2Cook
I resonate with your comment very much and I did try to tell them but they got very very passionate and talked over me were a bit and that was when I was accused of being privileged.

@GCAcademic
We do go out during elections together and actively vote but we don’t really participate in local marches or charities or anything if that’s what you mean. If I’m being honest they are mostly just shouting online. They got worse when abortion was banned in the US as they are convinced it will happen in canada next. They are very intolerant of different opinions. They think Trudeau is God’s gift to Canada. I don’t really agree… But I don’t feel like I can say that out loud. It’s very frustrating. I confess I think I was hoping this would all just be a phase when we were in our early twenties but it’s been years now and they haven’t grown out of it… I’m also the only one who is married and has children and they got really butthurt when my daughter was young and I didn’t have time to hang out much for the first couple of years. They have never said it outloud but I feel like they see me differently and treat me differently since and it hurt my feelings but now I have just learned to live with it.

I’ve just come to the conclusion that entering motherhood changes everything including friendships.

Interesting… so they’re quacking about abortion being made illegal somewhere like BC - yet at the same time you just KNOW they’re going to have the most PFB of ALL time and you’re going to cause offence by not turning up to said PFB’s “6 month birthday”. 😂 If you’re lucky you’ll get to hear how “thank goodness my baby is so loved/I’m so rich and so I didn’t need that abortion BC will never ban”

Yes, motherhood does change you. Those previously caring eyes come loose on their hinges and are forever rolling.

Six month birthdays! Who has time for that! 🤪 you know that would be something they would do. Your comment is disturbingly accurate. 😬🫣

Firstly, I agree that it doesn't sound the way I'd choose to spend time with friends, I agree.

However, if you're in despair at the state of the world and also want to feel better informed to be able to form your own opinions, I highly recommend The Rest is Politics podcast with Alastair Campbell and Rory Stewart. From opposing political sides, they dislike the majority of the status quo and give me hope that not 100% everyone out there is a Trump or a Johnson. No quick fixes, but there are ideas out there.

Appreciate this may be the last thing you want to listen to, but it just occurred to me as I read your post.

And sadly yes, once you have kids your social interactions change. Priories change and you have to be much more brutal with choices about how you spend your precious time.