To not go to a baby shower

[SweetRascal]

For complex, personal reasons related to my mental health, I've said that I won't be going to my friends baby shower. I feel bad because she's a close friend but she does totally understand thankfully.
I had complicated pregnancies, births and pnd with both my children (I have a 4 and 1 yo). I think I'm still experiencing some PTSD from that time. A lot of birth trauma stuff happened with my eldest. So pregnancy things can be very triggering.

AIBU though?

Surely the only persons opinion who matters is your friend and they are fine with it so why would you be being unreasonable?

she does totally understand thankfully.

Thats the only answer you need. No YANBU

I’ve never been to a baby shower. I’ve been invited to a lot. I just don’t really like the idea of them. I’ll always give a present when the baby is born, but I don’t like to preempt anything. I honestly don’t think they’ll be bothered either way. It’s not an obligation.

I feel like this is the sort of thing it’s good to discuss with the people supporting you with the trauma etc as they know you and your circumstances.

It’s fine for your friend to be upset AND for them
to be okay with you not being there, just like it’s fine for you to not want to go AND be sad that you had experiences that mean it’s too hard to be there.

But as this friend will then have a baby, then a child it’s prob worth thinking about how you’ll navigate the future with them ie if they’re putting up photos or expecting a visit