Aibu to not want to let teens have google/YouTube on phone?

[Bbgy]

I feel I am being overly harsh as their friends all have this. How do people allow this safely though? Eldest just turned 13 so I am just beginning this journey. I worry about them being able to look up anything at all and also the addictive nature of the internet access

they do have phones and can message friends, take photos etc but that’s all they have access to at the moment

Can't you just put child lock type search restrictions on?

I did put restricted view on YouTube but they know how to take that off. Also I did allow certain internet access to certain sites but that is apparently really annoying and pretty much the same as not being able to look up anything. I do t really understand how to make google safe any other way?

i think you're being a tad unfair imo it's just youtube, yes there is a lot of things on there that are catered more to adults but there are a lot of things that are popular with teens and will make them feel left out if they're not in the loop

Instead of focusing on restricting their access perhaps consider this….

We now live in an online world. There no point denying it or wishing it was different. There is no stopping it.

Instead of trying to hide/protect your children from it by banning it, you’d serve them better by building their resilience and educating them on the dangers, pitfalls and benefits of the internet.

If you don’t do this, ultimately they will reach an age in not that many years time where you can’t restrict them and they will access it with inexperience and naivety.

Knowledge is better than banning as ultimately any ban is only short term once they grow up.

I use the Google Family Link app on my phone to restrict usage and or block various sites/apps etc on their devices (you link their devices to your app). I have set YouTube usage to content appropiate for 13 year olds on it (think options were Kids You Tube, Content suitable for up to 13 years and unrestricted). They can't download apps without my approval. I can set the times when their devices can access the internet and when they can't (e.g.no access after 9PM for mine). I also have options via my internet provider which restricts access to pornography, gambling, certain gaming sites etc.

But nothing is fool proof. I try to keep an eye on things but it's not easy to stay on top of it all..... Suspect it only gets harder with older teens?

There are child friendly search engines such as swiggle.
I would be more inclined to give the access but monitor frequently and lots of discussions on being safe online.

So do other people just allow google unrestricted searching? I am just trying to work out what is normal. Or maybe everyone is more tech savvy than me ?

Their school should be able to point you and other parents in the right direction. if you speak to their friends parents, you'll get an idea of what's 'normal'.

Personally, I think you're better working with it than against it. Build up trust rather than banning the sites.

When mine were younger, the rule was that I would pay for their phone bills, but they should only be looking at things they know I wouldn't be upset with and on the understanding that I would be spot checking their phones regularly - and I did!

Thanks I obviously need to research. I did have a rule that I could look at phone whenever I want but they don’t like that now. Even just with messages from friends they don’t like me going through it which is kind of understandable

For pity sake, if they have an ipad or chromebook at school they can watch YouTube or use Google on that. You are being ridiculous.

As someone else has said, this is the world we live in. You are better off teaching them how to do that safely than pretending it's not real. You teach children how to cross the road rather than avoiding all roads. Do the same with this.

Yes I am aware they can access it elsewhere but part of my issue if the constant desire to be watching stuff and looking stuff up instead of relaxing/reading doing homework etc. I feel the constant nature of it is overwhelming. Maybe I am wrong I am just trying to figure it all out

My DS is only 3 and I worry about this now! I really like the way Pondlifer does it. I didn't know an app like that existed. I'd imagine they'll be needing to Internet search at some point for homework. Always planned on teaching/warning about Internet use when he's older, especially with social media. I'm not looking forward to this stage.

It’s really hard. Our teenagers are almost the first generation to have this. Well, those past 5 or 10 years before too maybe. So it’s all a learning experience and they are the Guinea pig generation

I think banning Google is a bit silly.

Will you ban all the other search engines they will use instead?

Hi OP
My dd 4 is 12 amd I am absolutely strict amd limit or don't allow most things on her phone
Many will think this is harsh I know but I'm comfortable with this
Took me awhile to figure it out but any app she goes on either myself or her big sister have to approve on our phones from where ever we are at the time ( it only takes a couple of secs and can even do it on my Apple Watch)
No YouTube ..... during lockdown when I took my eye off the ball through working 12 hours a day and a 4 hour commute to see my children she developed an American accent and mimicked behaviour only seen on YouTube
No what's app
No social media
No snap chat
Screen time for gaming is limited to an agreed time
Downtime apart from specific contacts (family ) overnight
It was a hard decision amd especially to begin with

She had a friend over recently amd asked if I could approve a couple of social media sites .... her friend heard me decline amd said it's okay I'm not allowed them either .
They tell you everyone else has it but they really don't . Most do I appreciate but not all.
I am happy with my decision amd both my older dc ( now adults ) tell me they are really glad I did the same with them on reflection .
The benefits out weigh the negatives in my experience

It's a challenging one good luck !

When I was teaching, most students had two phones - one for their parents to check and one for themselves for all the things they didn't want their parents to see. Parents had no idea. Virtually the only ones who only had one phone were the ones whose parents didn't ever check their phones. Either way, they were accessing and doing the same things. You're much better off teaching your kids about online safety, what to access and what not to access and when and why.

So put limits on their screen time instead of banning Google!

There's a huge amount of slang that can help. If your child's phone has anything like MOS, POS, PAW, KPC or other acronyms like that, your child probably has two phones.

I worry about this for the future and my DS is only 5!
I think it's finding the balance of teaching them responsible safe use and having some restrictions/rules you can all agree on.

OP, I think you're quite right to try to restrict your DC's internet access, and social media chief Katharine Birbalsingh would agree with you, as would Children's Commissioner Dame Rachel de Souza. Like @Pondlifer , we have Family Link on out teens' phones, and that works well. We also talk to them about safer internet use, social media behaviour etc - you can restrict access and teach them about safe use, it's not a binary situation!

Somebody commented that if they have chromebooks etc at school, they can use Google etc. However, schools usually have heavily filtered internet access so they are unlikely to access anything untoward on the school's chromebook!

Certainly, the time will come when you'll have to allow unfettered access. But the longer you can delay that, the better. Access to beheading videos, violent pornography etc changes the developing teenage brain irreversibly, so try to limit their access as much as possible until they are more mature.

Child net and this contract is great www.childnet.com/blog/family-agreement/
Look up ceop too and go through issues together:)

Thanks I will look those up round123. Yes missvantablack these are my concerns, I know some people say at some point you just have to trust your children but it is important to try and protect them too for as long as possible.

most parents I know are much more relaxed than me. But one friend of mine has two young adult children as well as two younger teen children and through her experiences with her older two she has been much stricter with the younger two and her children don’t get phones til 16! This is obviously quite an extreme position to take but she was a lot more relaxed with her older children and says she has learned from experience.

they Do have access to google on our computer at home which is in the family lounge. So it’s not like I have banned it completely. I was just wondering yesterday whether maybe i do need to give it on phones too but how to do it safely.

my eldest used to read a lot of books but seems to have stopped this since getting a phone as it’s so much easier to just flick through a phone, even with restricted access there is still quite a lot to play with.

There’s lots of ways you can try to moderate the content that your children have access to, but I’ve found it needs trust in the child to have some degree of responsibility-

for example, I let my 8 year old browse YouTube because he loves certain YouTubers and I can softly monitor his history remotely. He knows to turn off vids with bad language, and I know that he does. He knows what bad language is because I take him to football and there’s no getting away from it.

It’s not without risk though, he loves history and I do worry he might end up watching something graphic, which is my big concern.

All their friends say that they have access, does not mean that they do. All their friends tell their parents that their friends (the children) have access.

Don't fall for that trick and do what you think is right. It's not only about protection, it should be about them having a life away from a screen.