Partner's parents Christmas gifts

[ChristmaSlush]

Hi everyone,

My partner (long-term relationship, but not married and finances not fully combined)'s parents are really lovely, generous people. They always get my partner and me thoughtful gifts, which are not cheap.

My partner is a bit slapdash when it comes to present buying. He does his own thing for them, but I also buy presents for them each year as it has never felt like he treats them as much as I think they deserve. He has never bought anything for my parents separately.

Money is much tighter now. Would you still buy separate presents for your partner's parents, or let him deal with his family and me with mine? Would that be unreasonable or selfish of me?

If you were the 'parents-in-law' in this situation, would you be hurt?

Do you live together?

We buy for our own families and put everyone's names on the labels - similar circumstances to you but we have two children, although we did the same before they came along.

Yes, we live together. The past few years, I've been able to treat them to nice things, but my budget is so much tighter this year.

I think if you pull back then it might be perceived as a snub and they may feel they've done something wrong. You're not being unreasonable per se but your actions might have unintended consequences. If I were you, I'd just make sure DP ups his game with their gift (and that it's signed from you both).

How does he feel about your previous gifts to them being better than his? It sounds like an odd thing to do, they know what he’s like, he must have been like that for a long time, it wasn’t for you to try to compensate for his gift choices.

This year budgets are tighter for a lot of people, I’d give a joint gift from both of you and I’d let him choose it.

How about a homemade gift that you can put time and energy in to rather than money?

I think you've been far too generous in the past.

If their son is happy with what he's getting them, I'd get him to add my name to that and that'd be it.

Just say "sorry I've not got you something separate this year, but the cost of living has gone up".

@racingcar , yes, that's what I'm worried about! I don't want them to feel snubbed.

@AnneLovesGilbert , he honestly doesn't care about stuff like that. He's so chilled, he's horizontal, and just floats on through things. The presents I've bought in the past weren't chosen to be 'better' than his, but more like a way to show how much I appreciate them.

@Doodledeedum , that's a VERY good idea. Thank you!