Sex hook up apps

[blinkingheckthisishard]

I have also posted on the relationship board but haven't got many replies so am posting here also.

My husband went out last night to watch the football. I kindly picked him up from the pub at 11.30pm. He was very drunk which is exactly what he always gets like when he goes out.

He's been off all day. Moody and snappy. Grumpy with the kids.

I checked his phone. I know I shouldn't have but I did. And to be honest I do it every couple of months or so.

He'd deleted his internet history. But I checked his emails and saw that he signed up to two online sex apps where you meet people locally for sex. It shows how far away from you they are etc.

So I clicked onto one of the links which automatically logged into his account. He hasn't completed his profile - no picture etc, but had 64 messages! He had read about 4 of them but not replied. No sent messages from what I could see. The messages he read were were sent just after 11pm until 11.15 - when he knew I was on my way to pick him up! Plus 2 messages he read this morning when he woke up - no replies from him again.

He has form for this. I've caught him a few times in the past on similar sites and just before we got married he had a sexcam session which lasted 2 hours and cost him £300! (hence my frequent checking of his phone). He always says it's just when he's drunk. He would never act on the messages etc. But it's the same shit again and again.

Our marriage is ok. Ups and downs. We both have stressful jobs and have two young children. Our sex life isn't amazing. I'm quite vanilla whereas he's a lot more experimental. But we had had sex yesterday morning so it's not like he was desperate for a shag!

He also had a WhatsApp message from the friend he was out with saying that if his wife asks, he stayed at our house. My husbands response was a thumbs up. Which makes me think that cheating on your wife is obviously a usual occurrence!

What should I do? Confront him and listen to his shitty excuses. Or bide my time, keep checking his phone and take pictures of everything I see?

Get rid of him now.

Your marriage is not okay.

Regardless of his past or current behaviour, checking his phone is not healthy or acceptable.

Well you clearly don't trust him, for good reason yes but is this any way to live?

He’s so gross. You deserve so much better! Get your financial ducks in a row and leave.

Urgh so many reasons to bin this loser I don't know where to start. Why are you with him?

I wouldn't believe he'll never act on it because he's clearly either a liar (it's this one) or not in control of his behaviour when he's drunk.

I don’t understand why you married him - you say you knew he was like this?

You either need to get rid of him (which is what I’d do) or ignore it (which is what you have been doing).

Whether you confront him or not is neither here nor there, he’s going to keep shagging around either way.

If you do decide to leave don’t tell him that though. Go see a solicitor and work out a plan, only tell him once you are ready to press go.

Our marriage is ok

No, it’s not.

It’s not normal to have to check your husband’s phone every few months to see what way he intends to cheat on you.

He also had a WhatsApp message from the friend he was out with saying that if his wife asks, he stayed at our house. My husbands response was a thumbs up. Which makes me think that cheating on your wife is obviously a usual occurrence!

Has your husband ever "stayed at his house"?

Not that it matters really. What a sad, joyless existence it sounds. I'd show him the door. Or at least start saving for it, if finances dictate you can't bail immediately.

Why are you holding onto him?

He’s disgusting and disrespectful, and so is his friend.

marriage is ok

no it’s really not…

He has! Often. And to be honest I never thought of it like that until I read your post

As awful as this sounds - logistically in terms of childcare it's easier to have him here. I hate writing this. It shows how little self respect I have.

It really does
childcare is not a reason to stay

Walk away.

I had similar with my DH last year, found him registered on an escort website. I couldn't find evidence that he had engaged, sent messages or arranged anything. We had twins who were only a few weeks old so out of sheer desperation to keep our family together (and exhaustion) I tried to put it behind us.

Fast forward a few months and turned out it was just the tip of the iceberg. He'd been registered on dating sites and similarly had friends of a similar ilk to your DHs friends who thought cheating was ok and had been setting him up with women on the side.

Speak to a solicitor first and start protecting yourself.

Time for him to go, OP.

I think if you and his friend's wife got together with diaries you would be able to see exactly what this disgusting pair are up to.

He has! Often. And to be honest I never thought of it like that until I read your post

That's awful. I'm sorry. I'd start making plans. You deserve better.