Deceitful?

[Twizzled]

Three people in this world who I refuse to let my kid know, all family, from both sides. This is due to only what I can describe as nasty individuals and whilst my kid is young and I have a say she will never know them.

DH became aware of one being in the same location as where he was due to visit and went ahead, knowing how I felt. He was too scared to say he wasn’t visiting any longer, decided my wrath would be less than the wrath from pulling out of the visit. I found out as kid appeared with an old magazine and I asked where it came from, cue a series of whispering.

marriage already on shaky ground, I feel this is the final nail in the coffin. Am I over reacting?

Why don't you trust your DH to make decisions on who his child can interact with? I think final nail in the coffin of your marriage is a tad dramatic tbh, they're his child too. Why don't you want them around your child?

Not any rules I have put in place with the exception of never meeting these individuals. He made the decision to go against my strong word. People who have wronged me and my family hence the decision to go no contact and never let them in my kids life, their decision when older whether to engage with them but it would never be facilitated by me (or DH so I thought).

suppose marriage not in a good place, if it wasn’t for kid it would have been over years ago. I feel lied to and let down. It was a calculated decision and he was to scared to cancel visit as his mother would moan (which I feel is cowardly)

If it's his child, his mother and there's no previous dangerous / abusive behaviour then it seems extremely controlling of you to stop him.
Without context it doesn't seem fair.

I think you are being OTT. You don't get to unilaterally decide that your child doesn't have a relationship with their grandma. Your husband has a say in that too.

The problem is that if you split up, you will have no control over who he takes your child to visit.

He sounds incredible weak and spineless, though.

If your DH has always given the impression that he’s on the same page, and then he’s gone behind your back and done this, then YANBU.

So you’ve had a disagreement with these people at some point and now they are enemy number 1, the worst people in the world, so your kids can’t see them.
This is all about you OP. You sound very self involved and self absorbed. You’re not thinking about your children at all.

I agree with PP that you don't get to make sole decision on which relatives your DC are allowed to see. My DCs are NC with MIL but that is DH's choice, not mine. If he wanted them to meet her then that's not my right to overrule and I'd have even less of a say if I divorced him. I think you need to have an actual discussion with him about this where you're open to his perspective on it - he's as entitled to his view as you are.

Despite being NC, my DS has met my MIL once (before DD was born) because DH decided it wasn't worth missing his DGM's funeral to avoid his DM. He didn't speak to her and moved away from her when she approached him.

Is the child not his? Your ‘strong word’ and ‘wrath’ sounds pretty unreasonable. Split with him if you want, and he will take his own child to see who he wants even more. It’s hard to give a balanced response without knowing who the family member is and what they’ve done though. You could have banished them because they murdered someone, or because they just aren’t that nice to you for all we no.

It’s not MIL, it’s his mostly absent half sibling who appeared later in life. And yes he apparently was on the same page. Lots of back story but they are manipulative and have been down right nasty.

the visit was arranged but then it materialised half sibling was there and he was afraid to say he wasn’t coming (that alone speaks words in my opinion).

Ive been so strong on this, feel let down.

It’s not grandparent

Thanks all for POV