To think DP should have taken our dog out

[strawberryjammy]

DP walks our dog first thing during the week, and I walk him first thing at the weekends so that she can have a lie in. Loosely, on all days after the early morning walk I am responsible for walking him and then DS is responsible for walking him about 4.30pm onwards, however these times are not totally rigid and we all help out depending on who is out and who is at home etc. We don't have a garden so can't just open the back door to let dog out to go to the toilet, we actually have to take him for a walk (though this can be 5 mins long if he's already had enough exercise that day).

This morning I was helping out at a Christmas event at a club I volunteer at. I took the dog for a walk before I left at 8.30am. The event was due to last until 12.30pm but as I was volunteering I was going to be there later than that for clearing up etc afterwards. By the time I got home it was just after 1.30pm.

At 12.25pm DP sent a message on our family group chat to say that our dog was barking to go out and was anyone available to take him out. Clearly I was not at home (she knew where I was) and DS was asleep. I saw the message about 10 mins after she sent it but didn't open or reply to it as I was busy and assumed the people who were at home - DP and DS - could sort it out between them.

DP then sent another message at 1.35pm saying that the dog was going crazy barking. At this point I had just pulled up on our driveway and was going into the house. DP asked me if our dog had done a poo this morning and when I said no, she said "that must be what's wrong with him now then".

At this point I was flabbergasted to realise that nobody had taken the dog out yet. I asked why he hadn't been out yet and DP said, "it's my day off". DS was still asleep (he has issues with insomnia and deep sleep so not unexpected that he hadn't woken up yet). I put the lead on the dog and said to him, "poor puppy". DP said that if that was an attempt to get at her, I was being very rude. AIBU to think that DP was unreasonable not to take our dog out when he needed to, even though it was her 'day off' and she wanted a break? I totally understand her desire for a break, but I think it's cruel to not be flexible enough to take the dog out if there is nobody else around to do it. She didn't know I would be home when I was and DS is unlikely to waken for a while yet. So she effectively left the dog barking indefinitely (it turned out to be 'only' 1 hour 10 mins) because she thought she shouldn't have to take him out today.

That's really nasty to the poor dog. Who would rather sit and listen to a poor dog barking to be taken out rather than take them out for a few minutes? You don't get a day off when you have an animal you have responsibility for. I told my dog last night not to get me up before 8am, I laughed out loud when I heard her scratching at the door at 8.01 this morning

Unspeakably cruel

What a cunt

Your partner is an absolute twat. 🤬

Day off from what? Life?

Why not take the dog to a rescue centre, perhaps a less selfish family could look after them.

You’re saying your partner/an adult was in the same house where a dog was barking to go out to toilet, and sent WhatsApp messages instead of taking the dog out?

I’m sort of stunned at that.

Did she know you were planning to be out so long and that her day off from poo duties wasn’t going to happen? What was discussed beforehand?

But what does that have to do with anything? There was a dog in distress for over an hour, needing to pee or poo and the OP's DP just sat there!! If she had a problem with OP being gone so long she should have taken it up with her when she got home and not make a poor dog suffer to 'make a point'.

I don't think I'd be able to stay with her, honestly. I couldn't trust her to look after the dog properly and that kind of lazy, petty cruelty would change the way I looked at her.

Has dp got form for being a selfish twat?

Your poor dog!

Your DP is very lucky he didn't just go in the house. But perhaps that would have been your job to clean up, too?

Is she selfish in other respects as well?

You have a dog you take it out , I don't overly want to get uo at 3 am when its freezing but on the odd occasions my dog wakes me up to go out , I get up and let him out

What OP hasn’t done anything wrong. Are you the DP?!

So just for clarification did your DP not know you were going out? Why the confusion about why the dog was barking. She would have known you weren't there to let him out and would have know the your son was still asleep? So she lay in bed whilst the dog was distressed sending messages knowing full well you weren't there to let the dog out. How utterly bizarre and cruel. To lie in bed and listen to the dog get increasingly more distressed. Wtf?? Maybe I'm soft I couldn't do it. No way, it's the fake confusion from her that's really getting to me, the sending messages knowing full well you weren't in the house. And your son as well "sleeping through it" it was 1pm in the afternoon ffs.

Was the DP reluctant to get the dog at all? Have you discussed with them about what happened as on surface they seem to be lacking empathy for the dogs needs, but could be some misunderstanding between you if it's out of character. it would take longer to text & moan about a lie in while being disturbed by dog barking than just take poor guy out and go back to bed.

Nothing wrong with dogs in flats/no garden I've done it. The dogs actually enjoy the extra walks with all the sniffs & sights for mental stimulation, it's just much more inconvenient for the owner but you soon get used to throwing clothes on and taking dog straight out in a morning or wandering in your PJ's at 3am when dog has dire rear. From experience the Lazy twats with gardens tend to just shut the dog out to bark away annoying neighbours instead.

Is she usually this uncaring towards the dog? I don’t really see what she thought she was achieving by messaging anyway knowing one of the recipients is asleep and the other is out

If it were me, then lazy, selfish and cruel DP would now be EX-DP.

How lazy and selfish of them.

Your partner is lazy, and selfish. If your so called dear partner is capable of standing by a dog being in distress then you need to take responsibility for it. Don’t let your dog get caught up in your partner’s power play. I doubt for one minute that this is the first instance of your partner being a total shit.

@AgentJohnson definitely a power play otherwise she wouldn't of taken the knock when they said "poor puppy" if it was a true case of miscommunication then she would of been more likely to agree "poor baby aren't we dozy" or something like that. To get immediately defensive shows she was waiting for that reaction from the start.

If only dogs could talk. Your dog has more sense than your partner. Next time i hope he curls out a walnut whip.

I really dont understand the attitude towards taking the dog out. Its called caring for your dog and its actually supposed to be a perk of having a dog, not a task. You are as bad as your partner, showing how you do this and that. OK you do your bit but it sounds like no one is too happy to do it.

My morning walks in sub zero, pitch black with my two are the calmest and most peaceful moments of my day. I will often ask my partner, when its her turn on an evening if i can tag along as its also the best opportunity for nice chat.

I'd be raging. Your DP is a lazy selfish arse.

Anyone who would let an animal suffer like that to make a point ... well I don't think I can write the words I'd use to describe them here.

Your "DP" is an absolute dick and I'd be rethinking the relationship in your shoes.

It sounds like she resented you being out without her. Presumably she knows about DS's sleep issues and she knew you were out so who was she expecting to take the dog out by sending messages? Was she expecting you to bail on your commitment and come home to ltake the dog to the toilet?

If my DH treated our dog like that even once I'd be filing for divorce. I can't stand animal cruelty and refusing to get off your arse and take the dog for a pee/poo for over an hour because it's your 'day off' is a horrible thing to do.

I'd be kicking her out and buying the dog the biggest treat ever.