I know I'm being unreasonable - how to shake myself out of Christmas FOMO?

[Proteinpudding]

For a long time Christmas was something I didn't enjoy and tried to avoid. Warring divorced parents who used us as pawns, DV at home exacerbated by binge drinking etc. As soon as I was old enough I started taking jobs that gave me a reason to keep busy and avoid family at Christmas - care work, retail etc. For a long time I associated Chistmas as being a time of year to get through.

Fast forward to now. I'm in my forties, lucky enough to have some disposable income, long term DP. Every year I still feel down in the run up to Christmas, and the realisation that its going to be the same as every other year. No Christmas magic, no special memories. A quiet meal in and a few days off work.

Here's the stupid part. I do nothing to make a good Christmas happen. I've moved around a lot, most of the year im busy with friends and hobbies that are quiet over Xmas. The friends I have are ones and twos that I see separately, so no big friendship group to go out with. Lots of friends whose families aren't local so they travel at Christmas and aren't around for get togethers. I live in an area that is rural enough that public transport and taxis are tricky, so hosting isn't great. Partners family are spread out around the world so do their meetups during the year. Partner is very introverted so would never arrange/suggest anything and is quite happy sat in watching films on his own I'm LC with my family. We've no children. I can feel sad that December isn't full of invites to parties and Chistmas markets etc, but then I know I don't make any effort!

For info, I'm being assessed for autism and whether I am or not, I know I struggle to know how to maintain friendships and I'm sure I give off vibes of being shy or not really seeking to socialise.

Has anyone else been in this position and managed to change it - either by learning how to make more of Christmas, or by making peace with being on the periphery?

Every year I feel like I've grown out of thinking any of this is important, and every year it catches me by surprise.

I actually think the idea that everyone else is having wild Christmas parties throughout December is a myth promoted by glossy magazines with fashion shoots of sparkly dresses. I actually think most people have arrangements for Christmas Day (often very stressful/anxiety-inducing and involving compromises they’d rather not make), maybe a couple of other family gatherings, and a work do. That’s more or less it for the majority. Christmas markets are expensive, overcrowded and always more fun in theory than they are in reality, too.

Practising gratitude sounds cheesy but can really help. Write down three things you’re grateful for. Do it daily and there’s research evidence that it boosts your mood.

Thanks. I'm usually quite a positive person and will notice things that I'm grateful for (having a shitty childhood my standards are pretty low, so I still notice the simple things!) I don't know why I lose that outlook at this time of year though! Maybe I'll try a gratitude journal to see if the structure helps.

I know that people aren't all going to Christmas balls in sequinned dresses. This just feels really flat though. Will see one sibling before Xmas and that's it... Works do was just us going for lunch (too many people without childcare to do an evening thing) Missed the Xmas do for my hobby due to being ill. Partner isn't bothered about a Christmas lunch so I'm not sure whether I'll cook one.

I think next year I might just book a holiday to somewhere non-christmassy and start a new tradition!

I don't like Christmas. It was not great when I was a kid- tension bwn parents. I usually look on it as a decent break from work. This last year has been awful,due to my partner committing suicide. My friend and I have decided to go away after Christmas day. I have been on holiday in happier times too and I enjoyed it,especially as the onli Christmas food I bought was a box of my mince pies🤣 lots of people are not having the time of their lives.

Maybe try to reframe your thinking about it. I am not a mad fan. I have two dc with asd and Xmas has traditionally been stressful and something to get through. I now try and see it as a time to recuperate a bit from work stress. I buy myself a nice book and some perfume and listen to stuff on the radio. I am planning to go to a Carol service and enjoy a bit of singing etc.