Coparenting timetable for christmas holidays

[StarGazingGirl]

I’m divorcing but still in the same home while court process goes through (as ex won’t engage). 3 weeks ago I sent him a suggested timetable for the kids christmas holidays. I think it is fair, gives us equal time etc, though of course he may have some tweaks.

About 2 weeks ago he replied to say he hadn’t had chance to look at it properly but could I confirm he could have the kids on a particular day as he wanted to book theatre tickets. I said that was fine but please could he get back to me on the rest because I wanted to make plans too.

Still no response. I feel so stuck. I can’t make plans.

I can't talk to him because I have been given the silent treatment for the last year.

Not really an AIBU. Posting for traffic. What can I do?

Just make plans for the time you’ve got the kids on your timetable.
And expect to have them some of the time he is supposed to have them.

Say he has until the end of today/tomorrow to feedback any issues with the proposal, otherwise you will assume he agrees it?

You're living under the same roof but he hasn't spoken to you in a year? How awful. How do the kids cope with that?

My partner has the same issue with his ex in that he will message to arrange things and she just doesn't reply. Then a day or two before she'll tell him she doesn't agree and say what she wants to do instead. Some kind of weird power play, there are so few ways she can get to him nowadays.

He has started with "If i don't hear from you by x day I will assume you agree and make plans accordingly. I won't be flexible if you look to later change days when you've refused to communicate with me." Seems to work better but not in all cases.

Re Christmas, the kids had been pestering about where they'd be when and he had been putting them off but has eventually told them what he wants to do but that their mum won't reply to him when he asks so he can't make solid guarantees at the moment. They're 9 and 12.

The kids are young and love their dad. They obviously know he’s ignoring me, but I have tried to shield them
from it as much as possible and told them sometimes people find it difficult to communicate. I’m sure its impacting them but I hope the long term impact will be mitigated by my leaving him. Hopefully they will have at least one happy home once we are through this.

I have sent an email to say please respond by midnight tonight or I will treat the timetable as agreed. I’m sure that will just make him mad and he’ll be even more difficult but I just don’t know what else to do.