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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To attend a SEN session without diagnosis

68 replies

Itsnotaferret · 10/12/2022 21:59

My DC is not diagnosed, though I often think that they may be. My question is AIBU? rather I have booked a SEN trampolining session in the morning for said DC and me knowing he doesnt have a need confirmed. It is a session of 60 and only 57 booked at this time for 9am tomorrow. My point is, they have no "toddler only" sessions on a weekend and my DC gets really overwhelmed with older children jumping around so I thought fuck it and booked onto the SEN session with only 3 places gone (this includes any adults and children) instead of a neurotyplical session with children if any age that I know my DC will be wary off and not enjoy at all.
AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
Itsnotaferret · 10/12/2022 22:47

Meant to say dyslexia discalcula and ADHD myself if that makes a difference

OP posts:
coldec · 10/12/2022 22:48

Why is it ok to take a space that is available based on it being available. The spaces are for SEN. That's doesn't change because they have not all been taken. Just like the disabled parking spaces and toilet should remain available unless someone who needs them is using them.

coldec · 10/12/2022 22:49

Sorry the above was for @PorridgewithQuark

Baconsprouts · 10/12/2022 22:49

Itsnotaferret · 10/12/2022 22:41

Apologies, I have dyslexia and dyscalcu myself. Its 60 bookable spaces with 3 gone for 9am in the morning for a SEN session. I myself am more comfortable in theese sessions and feel my DC would be too. In "normal" baby groups they have been more than shy resulting in being offered the SEN version anyway. So didn't think I was doing harm just wanted to check as they aren't actually diagnosed just suspected at this time

Will your 3 year old be more comfortable jumping with 15 year olds who struggle to regulate their emotions?!

SEN sessions usually are open to much older children, some centres even allow adults with SEN to them due to their emotional ages.

Also what are you going to say when a parent comes up to you and asks about your DC, as pp said many parents attend to get support, you’ll look a bit foolish at that point when they’re discussing support for their kids

HappyBinosaur · 10/12/2022 22:51

I personally don’t feel comfortable with this and wonder what you’ll say if other parents ask you about your child. Will you lie?

My older boys have SEN and when one of them was going through the process of being diagnosed we went to a SEN group. I was honest with the leader about the fact he hadn’t got a diagnosis yet and they were fine, partly because he was in the system and on the way to diagnosis and also because I told the truth and asked if it was ok.

Original poster
Itsnotaferret · 10/12/2022 22:53

But surely everyone has to start somewhere..?

OP posts:
Teder · 10/12/2022 22:54

Itsnotaferret · 10/12/2022 22:53

But surely everyone has to start somewhere..?

I agree but it’s not clear if you’re on any sort of official pathway to diagnosis or not.

PorridgewithQuark · 10/12/2022 22:55

coldec · 10/12/2022 22:48

Why is it ok to take a space that is available based on it being available. The spaces are for SEN. That's doesn't change because they have not all been taken. Just like the disabled parking spaces and toilet should remain available unless someone who needs them is using them.

It wouldn't be if there was any chance of the session coming close to filling up, but it's more likely to fold and not be offered if the take up is 2% of capacity! The trampoline park will be making a huge loss and decide there's no demand, so a resource will be lost!

coldec · 10/12/2022 22:56

Itsnotaferret · 10/12/2022 22:53

But surely everyone has to start somewhere..?

Yes they do. If you think your child has SEN make the start he needs, it isn't a trampolining session.

HappyBinosaur · 10/12/2022 22:57

I think it’s fine if you’re honest about your situation and not pretending you dc has a certain diagnosis because you assume they have it.
A lot of support groups for adults and children with SEN do accept people who are not yet diagnosed. This is different to letting people assume you’re diagnosed which is dishonest.

coldec · 10/12/2022 22:58

@PorridgewithQuark

It wouldn't be if there was any chance of the session coming close to filling up, but it's more likely to fold and not be offered if the take up is 2% of capacity! The trampoline park will be making a huge loss and decide there's no demand, so a resource will be lost!

Come on let's not dress it up as saving the sessions. If the sessions have been designated for SEN then nobody should be using spaces to 'save' the resource. That's a leap and a half!

ClivePowermax · 10/12/2022 22:58

Why ask the question if you've already decided that YANBU?

ZiriForThis1 · 10/12/2022 23:01

Baconsprouts · 10/12/2022 22:30

The OP clearly states 57 are booked

Show quote history

The OP accidentally provided conflicting information (57 booked, only 3 gone), so it was clear one of them is flipped.

With the reading "there are 60 places altogether, 57 left to be booked, only 3 booked now" the question made much more sense than the other way round.

Now, when OP confirmed it was only 3 people booked in indeed, I'd hope the answers should change a bit and become more relevant to the situation in question.

My opinion remains: as the session is practically empty and is happening in less than 12 hours, I don't see the problem.

coldec · 10/12/2022 23:02

My opinion remains: as the session is practically empty and is happening in less than 12 hours, I don't see the problem.

Why do you think the amount of spaces available is relevant?

Would you use the blue badge space because there were lots available?

Baconsprouts · 10/12/2022 23:03

Itsnotaferret · 10/12/2022 22:53

But surely everyone has to start somewhere..?

People start by trying to get a diagnosis.

Again why do you think your very little DC is better off jumping with children more likely to be older and less able to regulate their emotions

Nineteenton · 10/12/2022 23:05

Itsnotaferret · 10/12/2022 22:53

But surely everyone has to start somewhere..?

That somewhere these days is often online, either in a general special needs area or a local that supports the issues you suspect your child has so you can get support and a clue about where to start medically etc. Not trampolining because there are no weekend toddler sessions.

RedHelenB · 10/12/2022 23:06

Itsnotaferret · 10/12/2022 22:14

DC is 3 ans he has had bad experience with older children jumping around ina really crowded overbooked session before so thought this would be better for him

Think that may be more likely to happen at a SEN session, you don't know what disabilities those booking on have.

Libelula1979 · 10/12/2022 23:06

I think the "fuck it" alone warrants a YABU.
It's not really the done thing to use a SEN session space when your child isn't even on a pathway.
Sounds like you just wanted the easiest option for YOU.

PorridgewithQuark · 10/12/2022 23:09

coldec · 10/12/2022 22:58

@PorridgewithQuark

It wouldn't be if there was any chance of the session coming close to filling up, but it's more likely to fold and not be offered if the take up is 2% of capacity! The trampoline park will be making a huge loss and decide there's no demand, so a resource will be lost!

Come on let's not dress it up as saving the sessions. If the sessions have been designated for SEN then nobody should be using spaces to 'save' the resource. That's a leap and a half!

Fair enough.

I expect it's different in the UK. I work with children with special needs in a country where we're a long way from inclusion or even integration ("inclusion" usually ends up meaning provision within general facilities/ resources for people with physical disabilities only and ,"integration" ends up as teams/ resources/ offers mixing all types of special needs and disabilities rather than everyone mixing). This means that where we have a lot of capacity we do open left over capacity up to children without special needs on the understanding that special needs sessions (or whatever) prioritise the support needs of children with special needs and anyone using them has to accept that.

Sometimes it's nice to have a special needs dominant environment where those without additional needs are the ones fitting in. These aren't places parents come for support as the children with additional needs are not with their parents though.

TheArtfulStodger · 10/12/2022 23:10

The point of SEND sessions of activities is that when you go, and your child is behaving atypically, those around you are in an understanding, empathetic position. Instead of you being surrounded by neurotypicals who judge and stare and don't or can't share the same problems.

So yes yabu to book it if you're not dead certain your dc have SEND.

ItsBritneyBitch45 · 10/12/2022 23:10

I get your thinking. My local children centre has two stay and play sessions a week and then a smaller group targeted for children with SEN/complex needs. I often book my 20 month old DD in for this group as she gets so overwhelmed with loads of kids around. The children’s centre is okay with it but if I was stopping someone else from coming along then I wouldn’t take her

Original poster
Itsnotaferret · 10/12/2022 23:11

Libelula1979 · Today 23:06

I think the "fuck it" alone warrants a YABU

At no point have I said "fuck it" , thank you

OP posts:
coldec · 10/12/2022 23:11

ItsBritneyBitch45 · 10/12/2022 23:10

I get your thinking. My local children centre has two stay and play sessions a week and then a smaller group targeted for children with SEN/complex needs. I often book my 20 month old DD in for this group as she gets so overwhelmed with loads of kids around. The children’s centre is okay with it but if I was stopping someone else from coming along then I wouldn’t take her

Does your child have SEN/complex needs?

Kamia · 10/12/2022 23:11

Why don't you take him during school hours or off peak times when they won't have many children. It might be better for him.

gogohmm · 10/12/2022 23:14

The reason your dc is struggling is because it's not really suitable for a 3 year old. They are very overwhelming. Dsd goes to the sen sessions, no upper age limit - she's a adult, they are more unpredictable than the regular sessions! Lots of older children and young adults and very loud