To ask if all five year olds can be abit mean and change personality overnight

[ConfusedMumOfThree]

My eldest ds is just turned 5. I have a soon to be 3 yo and a 2mo. Ds1 is a brilliant bright boy who is always praised for being polite, confident, clever etc. Last 4weeks or so ds has been fine mon-fri but just mean to me at weekends to the point i feel utterly lost of what to do. I'm probably over tired and over reacting but he's my first so no idea what to do or how to respond to him.

It's going to sound petty writing this but He's become generally very rude so if Daddy says things like 'don't do that to the toy it might break', he will respond, 'oh well mummy will just buy a new one'. He is not spoilt and we have not taught him to think he can act like that. I'm cross he can react like this and no appreciate what he has.

He's become a smart arse tbh correcting me, so at one point I said pass me this and said the wrong word and he called me an idiot. This upset me as I was so surprised tbh and then he just said 'ooo look who has her grumpy face on'. It sounds petty but this is not my usual son, he doesn't answer back or call names.

When I've asked him why he's said x y and z he smirks or laughs.

What do I do? I've said today we werent going to go out where he wanted as he was repeatedly rude. But now I'm worried I should be giving him more attention or something? Or am I then spoiling him? It's shit because we're leading to Christmas so by not doing things I feel like I'm depriving him if memories. Obviously having dd1 has diverted some attention but he absolutely ADORES her. He also started reception in sept so he's not around for usual trips out with me (I work part time and have the kids two days a week). Maybe he's a bit jealous?

Can anyone offer advice if this change in behaviour is normal or how I deal with it? I genuinely miss my lovely little boy, with him at school now we only get little bits of time.

Don't beat yourself up at all! You do absolutely need to address the behaviour every single time! It pays off (I have lovely teens now!) Its bloody exhausting when they're all little.

It's like training an adorable but naughty 3 month old puppy who shits in your shoe and chews up your favourite coat, whilst simultaneously hand rearing a new born kitten and (some metaphor for dc2 in between - perhaps a house rabbit you also need to keep safe in the mix).

It's really important to train that puppy now or you'll pay for it forever, but you're juggling that with 2 hourly feeds and protecting the newborn kitten and the rabbit 🤣 You know what I mean I hope - it's hard! But you need the (loving) boundaries, just understand he's still almost a baby too!

Thank you @PorridgewithQuark 😊 although a rabbit sounds easier 😂😂😂😂

Look with the perspective of 15 years or so I’d say, if you know he’s essentially a good kid then don’t worry about temporary slips in behaviour due to tiredness or other obvious causes.
ignore bad behaviour and move on.
and cut yourself some slack and try to enjoy these early years when you’re the most important thing in their lives.

Ah but that's the thing, we think that, then we get all guilty about neglecting the middle child, or we forgot what a mighty kick a rabbit has on it when it kicks the puppy who turns around and snarls and we punish the puppy...

Metaphor is a bit stretched maybe, although there's a reason that keeping rabbits and guinepigs together isn't recommended any more, and house rabbits are actually a lot more complex than they first appear 🤣

Anyway every place in the birth order has its challenges and juggling them is hard work at certain stages, especially when they're close in age and one is a newborn (or for any reason not sleeping)!

Well I'm going through the same with my DD who has just turned 4 (just had a baby and moved house) so I sure hope it's normal! This but stood out to me though

He's become a smart arse tbh correcting me, so at one point I said pass me this and said the wrong word and he called me an idiot. This upset me as I was so surprised tbh and then he just said 'ooo look who has her grumpy face on'.

That last bit sounds like a phrase he must be copying, I've never heard a child come out with something like that before. Is it a harmless thing you say about the baby?

I've been debating starting a thread on the same topic!
The thoughts I've had are (about my DC I mean)
Is he tired?
Is he hungry?
Is he going to bed too late?
Do we need a stricter routine?
Do we need a more relaxed routine?
Is there a lot of changes in his life right now?

The answer to all of these as I type them out is yes! (Except I don't think we need a more relaxed routine!)

@aSofaNearYou no it's not. tbh it's that comment which broke me because it felt so intentional to provoke me. He's said similar things since when I've got cross with him, presumably because he knew he'd spark a response.

We can try bringing his bedtime forward, tbh we have been a bit lax because everything has been a challenge to adjust to. I will have a word with DH so we can work on speeding up the bedtime routine. I know his little brother annoys him more lately too, he's about to be 3 and he has a knack of poking ds1 when he's tired, by breaking his Lego or interfering with whatever he's concentrating on. He knows he will get a reaction out of ds1. I guess everyone is fighting for attention right now

A little love bombing doesn't hurt I find. One of you take the older one out for half a day on their own for example.