Break up with boyfriend now feeling regret and bad. Maybe I made the wrong decision .

[Bebenama]

Hi all I’m 37 single mum ex partner is 42 no kids and lives with his parents. I finally broke up with him yesterday after couple of months of thinking about it. But regretting my decision.

background
I started dating last October and by November he has slowly moved himself in my house, at the time I was doing renovations and decorating at my house which he helped so much and eventually was staying over a lot at my house. I had work men came that did major work and he fitted my kitchen units as got last minute disappointment. During arguments he would always remind me of doing my kitchen units.

at a very early stage I never wanted living together especially so soon, so that has always bothered me and feel like he moved in too soon. He never paid a penny for atleast 3 months of living together but I thought since he fit my kitchen unit I will let it go. After that he’s been paying half with me.
i found I was pregnant 2 months after we met, I had abortion as felt he lied to me, but he says he didn’t.He said he couldn’t get anyone pregnant as he was married 10 years and a long term relationship lasted 4 years and non got pregnant. So I never use contraception or any protection, very stupid of me.

he is very handy and would a lot of DIY in the house I do all the house work I cook and wash his clothes.

reason I broke up with him
from the start I told him my goal is to get married eventually, so two months ago this topic was discussed, he said he want us to go buy a house together and see how things go. My reply was you are not yet divorced from your wife ( they are separated 8 years ago, I know he doesn’t see or talk to her. He just wouldn’t divorce as he claim was waiting for 5 year separation) and I would only buy a house with my husband not a boyfriend or partner.

I also said but we already living together a year in my house,

other reasons, he is a high earner and never really takes me out on a date we only be out on dinner about 3 times and once to cinema. I have constantly complained but nothing changed. My kids have Sunday dance class for 3 hours so I ask him to come with me and refuse saying he can’t get up 9:30am too early.

on the other hand I do all the cooking and cleaning, he will get take away on occasion once or twice a month.

he work at home 9am till 7pm then he goes training till midnight or to the garden till late playing with the chicken, so I get frustrated as he’s not spending time with us and I complain and he get angry.

the sex is only once or twice a month.

is the above enough reason to break up. Please help at the end he was trying a bit. I still love him but don’t miss the house work and as we don’t do much together.

what should I do?

Pat yourself on the back.
He sounds mean grumpy and a bully it would only get worse

Bloody hell

Breaking up with him was the best thing you could have done. What a monumental sack of shit he is.

Yeah, not sure I can blame him for not wanting to go to your kids' 3 hour dance event: it would more hell-ish than even soft play (and that's saying something!).

You’re too old to ignore these red flags and to young to hang off a man who’s worthless

with the kids 3 hours dance class, I usually travel around 10miles to the school and stay at wait outside, so I usually go for a walk around the area. So reason I suggest for him to join us and once we drop the kids we can do something together, for me again is just an opportunity for us to do something together. But he doesn’t want to do it not even occasionally.

It sounds like you made the right decision

Why was he living with his parents if he is a high earner?

He moved in, but wasn't really a partner, or got involved in family life. In many ways you were still alone. When you start to feel like you are now, remember all that was wrong in the relationship and how unfulfilled you were. He didn't sound right for you and definitely wasn't for your children. Don't be so desperate to put your children through that again. You knew very little about him, but gave him access to your daughters. He can't marry you, he isn't divorced. He did lie about being infertile and it doesn't get much worse than you having to end a pregnancy because of that. That takes physical and emotional toll. He wasn't the one, you need to start to move on.

I don’t even know where to start with this.

But the worst bit is he cocklodged in your children’s home after a month, and you let it happen.

The only wrong decision you made was to let him move in after a month (and have anything to do with him full stop tbh)!

He sounds awful. I bet his parents got fed up with him and he wanted someone else to do all his cooking and cleaning

But the worst bit is he cocklodged in your children’s home after a month, and you let it happen.

Yes. That was an incredibly poor judgement call.

With living with his parents, he says he got bad credit which was cause by his ex wife and once credit is better he would get a mortgage. I suggest to him to rent instead of living with his parents all those years, he says what’s the point of renting when he can live with his parents

Why didn't you tell him you didn't want him to move in.

You need to give your head a shake for a different reason.
How dare you endanger your children like that! What the hell were you thinking?

Red flags everywhere.
You made the right choice, @Bebenama
There are worse things than a little temporary loneliness.

@Tuilpmouse

Somebody who knows as little as you do about family law shouldn't be giving advice.

I quoted directly from a specialist U.K. divorce lawyer website, so perhaps take up your supposedly "superior" knowledge of divorce law with them.

www.divorce-online.co.uk/finances/

Well done OP. You've done the right thing. Stick to your guns!

I get the impression he'd always expect a "transactional" relationship. Rather than helping you with the kitchen units because it's a nice thing to do and your a team, he goes on to mention it as though it means you "owe" him. And he was a high earner and contributed nothing. I bet it increased your energy and fuel bills considerably having him there.
Plus I wonder if he's gone from living with parents, to being married, to back to living with parents - without doing proper "adulting".

Honestly I think you're well out of it. xx

Firstly,he is not the one for you and you won't find the right person whilst you're pining for him.
He is a waste of space who is using you.he wants to move away from parents for more freedom but is not in love with you.
you should raise the bar,improve your confidence and Enjoy being single,sounding desperate is not attractive.
please don't allow another person your dc don't know to move in with them you are putting them at risk.
be positive!ask the universe.write it down what you want in a partner and envisage them.by telling yourself you'll never meet them,that's exactly what will happen,be upbeat and totally believing it will happen will bring it about.
I've a feeling from a totally unexpected source you will find happiness.💐
don't take that man back,please.

If you are in UK

The law changed recently, so that a person can apply for a no fault, quick divorce. No need to wait for 2 or 5 years any more !

Loser.
Block and move on.

Also...why did my dirty mind thing " He was he playing with the chicken" meant something entirely different..?
How do you know he's a "high earner" - did he tell you?

THINK ffs, NOT THING.

Why in 2022 is there no bloody edit button?!?!???!?!?!?

I was right there with you @fancyacuppatea

OP, you're well rid of this dirty chicken-choker.

I would bet my last donut that he's not a "high earner" at all.

It's good it's over. You shouldn't have let him in move in so quickly given that is your children's home. All the reasons you give are in themselves enough! The only unreasonable one is that he didn't want to accompany you to your children's Sunday morning class; no-one wants to do that.