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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to be asked how I'm doing?

8 replies

ThePumpking · 10/12/2022 16:32

Currently undergoing tests to find out if I have an autoimmune condition. Some of those tests are being fast tracked on the 2 week urgent pathway. Whenever I've tried to talk to a friend about what's going on the conversation gets swiftly changed either without acknowledgement of what I've just said at all or with "oh dear. In other news..."

Am I being unreasonable to be really fucked off with this? When the same friend was going through issues I checked in, told them I was available to talk any time and just tried to be as supportive as possible. Is it too much to ask to just have a chat about it or even just an "I hope you're ok"? Is that not what friends are for? Or am I just the person to complain to when your life is tough but not the friend that you actually check in on.

OP posts:
FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 10/12/2022 16:40

I have a friend who does this. I've stopped asking about her and stopped responding when she does it. I can tell it annoys her.

I know this is no friendship but I tried to end it and she literally wouldn't let me.

Original poster
ThePumpking · 10/12/2022 22:34

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 10/12/2022 16:40

I have a friend who does this. I've stopped asking about her and stopped responding when she does it. I can tell it annoys her.

I know this is no friendship but I tried to end it and she literally wouldn't let me.

It just feels so shitty doesn't it. You're right, it's no friendship but it hurts when they're supposed to be a close friend.

OP posts:
RambamThankyouMam · 10/12/2022 22:35

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 10/12/2022 16:40

I have a friend who does this. I've stopped asking about her and stopped responding when she does it. I can tell it annoys her.

I know this is no friendship but I tried to end it and she literally wouldn't let me.

How is she not letting you end the friendship? Surely that's within your power. Just cut contact.

blackheartsgirl · 10/12/2022 23:02

I’ve got friends that do this. They’ve always been soul suckers but got even worse after dh died.

I am really going through some shit at the moment, not just bereavement but other really awful stuff and the three friends I do have completely change the subject if I mention anything to do with me and then ring me up constantly to moan and bitch about thier own lives (where they repeat themselves endlessly)

people are just odd I think.

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 10/12/2022 23:03

Some people are just super awkward about anything that is mildly unpleasant. My mum is like this. It may just be something you have to learn to live with

ChocolateBauble · 10/12/2022 23:45

This happens to me too. I always ask people how they are and am often the first to be told peoples problems and leaned on, but when I have problems going on those same people vanish, or even worse they say to me ‘we all have problems’ and then turn the conversation to themselves and their problems completely ignoring mine.
Ive given up on a lot of people. I find a lot of people talk like they are doing a social media update these days. It’s all about them.

Original poster
ThePumpking · 11/12/2022 11:33

blackheartsgirl · 10/12/2022 23:02

I’ve got friends that do this. They’ve always been soul suckers but got even worse after dh died.

I am really going through some shit at the moment, not just bereavement but other really awful stuff and the three friends I do have completely change the subject if I mention anything to do with me and then ring me up constantly to moan and bitch about thier own lives (where they repeat themselves endlessly)

people are just odd I think.

I hope you're OK. Sorry for your loss and all that you're going though currently.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThePumpking · 11/12/2022 11:36

ChocolateBauble · 10/12/2022 23:45

This happens to me too. I always ask people how they are and am often the first to be told peoples problems and leaned on, but when I have problems going on those same people vanish, or even worse they say to me ‘we all have problems’ and then turn the conversation to themselves and their problems completely ignoring mine.
Ive given up on a lot of people. I find a lot of people talk like they are doing a social media update these days. It’s all about them.

Oh god the we all have problems kills me! Yes, yes we do and I've listened to yours but there's no one to listen to mine apparently (apart from my poor long suffering partner). Since covid I've noticed people have become a lot more selfish sadly.

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