To ask how to get past this extreme anxiety?

[Beatinganxiety]

Name changed for this incase recognized.

I’d really welcome any advice as this is taking over my life.

As a bit of background, I am classed as what was known as ‘clinically extremely vulnerable’ and had to shield at home for many months at the start of the pandemic. I received my jabs long before my age group and have had all the covid jabs I was eligible for as well as my flu vaccine.

I also lost a family member to covid who had the same vulnerabilities as me which makes me worried further.

Now most restrictions have been lifted, things have pretty much gone back to normal when out and about. Nobody seems to worry and there’s coughing and sneezing everywhere you go. I wouldn’t have even noticed before covid but now hear every cough or sneeze and try to avoid it at all costs.

Others could catch the same cold as me and be better in 5/6 days. The same virus could take me 4/5 weeks to fully recover from.

I am trying to do normal things for the family e.g. Santa visits at garden centres, days out etc. I do all I can to minimize the risk e.g trying to go to places as early in the day as possible so there’s less risk of germs in the air etc. I try and avoid indoor venues where possible, still get all my shopping delivered etc.

Despite all this, I am suffering from extreme anxiety and spend the next week or so after going somewhere wondering if I could have caught Covid (or other viruses that are about this time of year ). I am already taking high doses of vitamin D etc to help.

I have tried various therapy, I am on tablets for anxiety which help me to get through the day but the anxiety is always there bubbling.

Once schools break up I want to isolate the family as much as possible as know everywhere will be busy before Christmas and now have scarlet fever and strep A to add to my list of anxieties.

If out in public I won’t touch door handles, taps, trollies. Anything I deem as a risk. I don’t let the family either as it would make my anxiety worse.

I am very aware that this level of anxiety is not normal at all, and I’d love to be free of it and just feel normal again.

Am i the only one who feels like this? If you’ve been in a similar position and managed to get over it, how?

Have you tried CBT? Your anxiety is understandable in a way as for months the media spread fear and hype about how dangerous covid could be and everyone was having to isolate and avoid mixing with people then all of a sudden life was back to normal with no real time to get used to the idea. I have a family member who is still very cautious and worried about covid notwithstanding the fact that they've actually had it and we're only aware of that from a routine test coming back positive!

I was a CEV shielder too so I understand how you feel. I did actually catch coved a couple of months ago and luckily it was quite a mild dose. I have been taking vitamin D since 2020 on doctors advice.

I do go out and about now, but if it is anywhere heavily crowded then I wear a mask. I have a hand sanitiser clipped to my handbag and I use that all the time after touching handrails and so on.

I think all you can do is to protect yourself as much as possible and grit your teeth and do it.

The more I stayed in the less I wanted to go out and then you get trapped in a vicious circle.

*covid - didn't realise it had auto corrected :(

When my baby was born, a bomb went off outside the hospital. We were put into ‘hospital lockdown’ and I found it all extremely difficult. It was on top of suspected meningitis and an emergency c-section, in short, my nerves were totally shot. Afterwards, I struggled with public places and just about anything would have me getting off busses, trains and leaving cafes. I felt like we must be fair game and we were at risk all over the place, I was especially scared for my baby’s safety. I wasn’t prepared to live that way so I went to CBT in person, on the NHS and did all the work. It made a huge difference and now barely think about it when I’m out. I mainly did it because I didn’t want it to impact on my baby or have her feeling frightened in public places when she doesn’t need to be.

I have always had anxiety and probably always will have anxiety, but learning about what it is and how to manage it at CBT sessions has helped in other areas of my life too. I hope you find your way through it, life doesn’t have to be so scary.

Anxiety restricting your own behaviour to this extreme is one thing, but controlling your family like this is something else entirely.

Who exactly do you “not allow” to touch door handles etc and what else do you “not allow” them to do? They are not responsible for managing your anxiety levels.

While you need to obviously work on the lingering anxiety, would protecting yourself help for the time being?
You can buy masks which are to protect the wearer for going out even into busier places.

I'm similar OP except I struggled with germ phobias before covid and it got much worse during it.

I've basically had to use doses of exposure therapy and CBT to make myself get to the point where I can sort of be in busy places again (though I still have to wear a mask and use hand sanitiser, and shower when I get home).

Sometimes this has meant sobbing, anxiety, feeling awful for hours or days afterwards.

But I keep trying it over and over. Going into a coffee shop briefly. Going into a toilet. Walking in a shop. And over time I've slowly deprogrammed some of the risk, I can do these things without worrying now.

I don't have any answers aside from that really and am partly posting in case someone here has a miracle cure.

OP, I have periods of similar crushing anxiety. I found CBT to be very, very good. I really like the Socratic Questions, I find they help me find perspective.
Best of luck, it's absolutely horrible to be in the spiral of dread, hope you feel better soon.

Your anxiety is so extreme that you are controlling your family in a borderline abusive/neglectful way: you can't isolate them neglect their social and emotional development due to your own neuroses.

I really hope other posters are able to support you with practical advice because, short of actively challenging yourself to move beyond your self-imposed limits, therapy and medication doesn't appear to have been efficacious.

Well that was helpful of you @ILOVECHEESE79 . Just kick someone while they're down why don't you.

ILoveCheese is correct. If OP was staying her DH was behaving this way there would be cries of LTB and it’s abusive regardless of MH issues - because it is.

How is your belittling, scolding post meant to help the OP? Heap more self blame on?
Would you say that to a kidney patient, someone with cancer? Because OP has anxiety its fair to criticise? I never get people like you who wade in with tone deaf advice. Re read it and reconsider what you said maybe?

I feel the same. I've always suffered with extreme anxiety that I force myself through for the sake of my family. But I am finding the strep a news very very hard.

I think you can take sensible precautions as many others are doing at the moment, but if you haven't tried CBT, medication, exercise if you're able or talk therapy I'd give them a go.

Personally, I've never found anything really worked for me, except being kind to myself - and accepting that it's my brain misfiring along with media hype. Try to avoid the news and be gentle with yourself

It isn’t tone deaf, it’s spot on. The OP cannot keep making the entire families lives and worlds even smaller to accommodate her MH issues.

Different or extra meds like Benzos and a different therapy are the answer, not locking her kids inside for weeks on end ffs

Hi @Beatinganxiety
Fellow anxiety sufferer here with some health anxiety. Im sorry you are feeling like you do, its awful to be in a repeat spiral of anxiety and feel you cant control it.
I wanted to say a few things.

1. Dont beat yourself up, it makes it worse.
2. Anxiety is not very nice but very normal.
3. You have absolutely every reason to feel anxious given your health status.
4. The more you try to control it the harder it is yeah!? So the trick is holding it gently and accepting. So accept anxiety makes you feel awful and dont be afraid of being afraid.

However. Life is for living and living involves risk, some we control and some we dont.
Try to put all your focus on two things- the things you can control and self talk.
Forget covid- its just the trigger, the problem is your reaction is (validly) out of place.
If you can learn to reframe your thinking then your risk assesment will change.
I highly recommend graded but repeated exposure to triggers in a safe way. Focus on the achievement of you doing the thing thats fearful as you do it NOT the possible risk in doing it.
I also highly recommend the Anxiety book DARE and the app- download them both now, get cosy later on and listen to the book on audible. Its superb. I know you can do this and once you fully learn about anxiety and to work WITH it things will be much better. Ask me anything you like that can help you.
I know you have this💪

Oh Lord! Go read up about anxiety and see how it impacts everyone around the sufferers family. Shaming them is no more helpful than telling an alcoholic to stop drinking or an over eater to stop eating because they are obese.
Read up, learn, it will help you not be so obviously ignorant.

'Its abusive cos it is' thats a bit of a Nadine Dorries like logic right there. Are you her?

I don’t need to read up on it, thanks, I’ve CPTSD that mostly manifests and severe anxiety and I’ve been under CMHT for years.

Telling OP it’s okay to severely restrict her children’s lives because she has anxiety is harmful to all of them. OP needs better anxiety management.

It is not okay to restrict other people’s lives and behaviour like this, her children will have anxiety issues of their own walking on fucking eggshells, being told their behaviour will make her anxiety worse etc.

“Anything I deem as a risk. I don’t let the family either as it would make my anxiety worse.”

You think it’s okay for OP to be doing this shit?

Well it sounds like your anxiety is founded on some rational fear, but do remember Covid is much better treated than at the start of the pandemic. And because vaccinations seem to keep most people out of hospital, if you get ill you will get prompt treatment.

Beyond that I think you have to go back to CBT, and work at it, it does generally work for anxiety if you do the work. If you think something deeper is going on consider deeper talking therapy. If you are on a low dose of anti-ds you might want to talk to your GP aA put bringing it up a bit while you work on some therapy.

I think for lots of people anxiety is always bubbling, so it’s about managing it not expecting it to go away - and that does take effort. It’s important for your kids’ sake you do this.

And then just gradually start doing more stuff. It would be useful to inform yourself about what the science of transmission is, so you can make informed decisions.

The one thing you need to not do is isolate your kids in the run up to Christmas. I know that’s easy for someone else to say - but kids have been very damaged by the pandemic, and you will be storing up a whole host of problems and resentments.

I agree its not OK but shaming someone and calling them.abusive when they cannot at this moment effect change is in itself abusive. Thats like me saying to you 'CPTSD, come on, try harder, its not so bad, plenty to live for, dont feel like that, you are awful for your family etc' - would that motivate you to seek help?

No I think its awful but telling her SHE is awful is not going to get her to change it.
Spelling out how anxiety works, why it feels like it does and putting together a plan to work through this with whatever therapy is an altogether better strategy.

I mean, I work full time, raise my kids alone, study part time for a Masters, take medications that have some rather unpleasant physical side effects, have engaged in numerous forms of therapy - precisely so that my/my children’s lives aren’t like this.

Sometimes, softly softly doesn’t work. OP is already restricting their lives and wants to restrict them further which suggests she’s already surrounded by enablers.

I am trying to tread the middle ground here. It’s not okay, I don’t think people with MH issues can’t handle a stark truth and sometimes it’s needed to light a fire up their ass.

“Shaming” is bullshit. We only feel shame when we know (even if it’s deep down) that we have something to be ashamed of.

CBT doesn’t tend to work for issues this extreme. Bit like a wet blue paper towel for a broken leg.

The point remains that this sort of controlling and coercive behaviour exhibited by a DH with MH issues would cause fucking uproar.

I understand how you feel OP and its hard to get past crippling anxiety. I was CEV and avoided covid until recently. I got antivirals and fought it off. I know it isn't as simplistic as knowing there's now a treatment whereas there wasn't when most people died, but hope it might help you to know that you presumably have a condition that would qualify you for tablets or an infusion.