Dreading Christmas

DingDongItsChristmas · 10/12/2022 14:07

It is not up to your partner where you spend Christmas. If he is not interested in your happiness perhaps you need to reassess your relationship?

elQuintoConyo · 10/12/2022 14:08

Miserable fucker. Ex-partner. Start the new year with a bang x

Cherrysoup · 10/12/2022 14:08

Any dc involved? If so, stay at home, he can go to his family. If not, go to your auntie’s. How come he gets to choose?

bloodywhitecat · 10/12/2022 14:08

Go to your family, no-one gets to dictate where you spend Christmas.

underneaththeash · 10/12/2022 14:09

You say that you're not going to his family every year and you need to alternate.

Original poster

Halli2020 · 10/12/2022 14:12

Thanks for the comments but they really make me bloody miserable. They have made so many insensitive comments to me, through losing our first son last year, through my 2nd pregnancy and I can't stand the sight of them. My five month olds first Christmas aswell, wanted to be at home. He does this every Sunday too, so I have started to stay at home there's only so much I can take being in the same room as them!

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Twiglets1 · 10/12/2022 14:26

Bloody hell - why do you not alternate one Christmas with his family and the other with yours? Or every other Christmas at home if you prefer that. He shouldn’t get his own way every year.

StrawberryWater · 10/12/2022 14:31

Your husband is a selfish twat. Christmas should either be alternated or in your own home.

Take little one and go to your aunts.

While you’re their re-evaluate your relationship because if he sits there letting his family treat you like shit he’s disgusting and not worthy of being your partner.

Original poster

Halli2020 · 10/12/2022 14:33

He asked MIL to take us to Santa's grotto. My sons first experience with this, I again wanted it to be just us but he asked for a lift when I said we would get a bus (we don't drive) she stuck her oar in and came along too. Day was nice for my little boy yes, but not so nice for me. Getting sick of it

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Wilkolampshade · 10/12/2022 14:33

Why are you going along with this OP? You must realise it's not normal, surely?

cleanfreak12345 · 10/12/2022 14:34

I've lost count of how many posts I've seen on MN about people having to see family that they don't want to and don't get on with

Christmas sounds like a time of year for many that's totally marred and ruined by having to see people that you don't like

Is this a British thing?

Why can't we just NOT see the people that we don't like? Why does an exception need to be made at Christmas?

OP, three years in a row is unfair. Can you leave him to see his family and you go and see your's? Fuck what his family may think, they don't care what you think with their nasty comments

fruitstick · 10/12/2022 14:37

OP. I know it's hard, but please don't pretend this is OK.

You are a grieving mother, and a new mother all wrapped up in one. You have been through a really rough and exhausting time.

You decide where you spend Christmas. You have to make him understand that and, if he doesn't, then that's not OK.

Original poster

Halli2020 · 10/12/2022 14:38

If I had my way I'd cut them off completely but really not sure how to do this when my partner is so involved with them. When they make 0 effort with us! And don't take my feelings into consideration they are insensitive, awful people

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FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 10/12/2022 14:58

Why is he dictating? Why don't you alternate each year?

Topseyt123 · 10/12/2022 15:08

Why are you letting him dictate? You're more than overdue a Christmas visit to your own family now so do that. If he doesn't want to come along then go on your own.

Justcallmebebes · 10/12/2022 15:17

Get yourself a backbone and start insisting on your wants and needs to be taken into consideration too.

If you lie down and let people walk all over you, that's exactly what they'll do

SavingKitten · 10/12/2022 15:21

Halli2020 · 10/12/2022 14:38

If I had my way I'd cut them off completely but really not sure how to do this when my partner is so involved with them. When they make 0 effort with us! And don't take my feelings into consideration they are insensitive, awful people

Then why have you agreed to go for Christmas? Learn to say no

Notimeforaname · 10/12/2022 15:29

I'd much rather be at home but apparently partner isn't happy about this. Was going to be with my auntie this Christmas but again partner doesn't agree. Feel miserable about it

How come you have to do what he tells you and not what you want ? Is this normal for you?

Notimeforaname · 10/12/2022 15:32

Day was nice for my little boy yes, but not so nice for me. Getting sick of it
Not sick enough apparently. If you dont like it, do your own thing??
Why are you waiting for people to live life according to you? You go where you like. Others can be unhappy about it but its your life?

OrigamiOwls · 10/12/2022 15:35

You need to find your backbone, start advocating on behalf of your child and realise that you do matter & you do get a say in things. Your partner doesn't get to make every decision.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 10/12/2022 16:11

So sorry for your loss OP. That sounds awful. but Nothing will change unless you change it.
Try to talk to DH again. Ask him why he lets them treat you like that but says nothing when they do. Ask him why they have been so unsympathetic about your loss. How does he feel about the loss?
Organise visiting on a different day. Offer some other solutions but Don't let yourself still be in the same position in 10years's time
Also it does sound like you need someone to talk to in real life about your bereavement.. ask your GP who you could talk to. This might help you feel better.

Original poster

Halli2020 · 10/12/2022 16:48

I don't have a backbone that's a thing. Since our loss last year its become the norm for people to walk over me

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SpentDandelion · 10/12/2022 17:06

Sorry for your loss OP, must be very difficult.
I tend to find once you say No, never as bad as what you think. I always have a quiet restful Xmas as l now just suit myself. I refuse to get stressed, exhausted or overdrawn for some enforced so called jovial traditions.

Xmassprout · 10/12/2022 17:10

Have you got anyone around you that can help you to stand up for yourself?

I personally find when I'm in a really bad place it's so much harder to say no to people, and people always tend to pick up on it and take the piss. Sometimes it's easier if you have someone you can tell exactly how you're feeling and they can support you in situations like this so you don't feel like you're fighting a battle on your own

MistyGreenAndBlue · 10/12/2022 17:44

Halli2020 · 10/12/2022 14:38

If I had my way I'd cut them off completely but really not sure how to do this when my partner is so involved with them. When they make 0 effort with us! And don't take my feelings into consideration they are insensitive, awful people

And your partner is just like them. Can you not see that?

You absolutely need to get tough with him. Do you want your child growing up with these people in his life? Making him feel like they make you feel?

If you can't do it for you, do it for your child.