name changed but I’ve been around for years.
Posting in AIBU for traffic and your wealth of experience.
I am barely in contact with my Mum and Step Father, for extremely valid reasons (25 years of abuse, anyone?) They are in their early 70s. They jointly own their own home outright (are married). SF is abusive to my M, she won’t leave or divorce but whinges (look, sorry) about him frequently. She needs to divorce him.
However. My SF has been unwell for some time. He required surgery and was referred but wouldn’t follow it up. M was not allowed to (by him) either - he has capacity. He was referred in 2018. Finally M convinced him to follow up. He’d had some kind of appointment he had ignored. In any case, he had the surgery about a month ago, and has been in rehab for his mobility. He is now home.
Before the surgery, he had limited to no mobility, and double incontinence. He did not have carers to assist, M did it all. She has medical issues herself and could not continue.
SF still unable to walk, or move much. He is still doubly incontinent. He has been discharged to their home which has had specialist equipment provided. Carers have been arranged and paid for by the LA. They come in several times a day but this will only continue for 6 weeks.
after that my parents need to self fund.
SF being at home is causing significant mental distress to M and other family members at home (who can’t assist with his care). M wants him to go into a home. SF refuses.
WTF do we do in this situation? The situation is not tenable and as much as I am not in contact with my M I am fairly certain if this continues, she will kill herself. She has made her feelings very well known to all professionals involved in his care.
I am not in a position to assist, financially or otherwise.