Family time vs visit of a friend?

[Rainydays2]

I'm feeling a bit upset with my friend....close friend for 10+ years, she recently got married, had a baby, and two months ago she moved to another town, 2 hours away. Since moving, she kept saying that we should meet up so that she can show me her new flat, and to have a Christmas get-together. While she was still living in the same town, she often called me on short notice to come over to hers, usually during the week, because her partner was working a lot. I was happy to keep her company, came over to hers for a couple of hours, and it was ok because we lived next door and I WFH as a freelance, so can spare a couple of hours once per week, and catch up with work afterwards.

We planned to meet up...I have no issue being the one that travels, since she has a baby and also she wants to show me her new flat. But a weekday visit is just a bit tricky, with a 4-hour round trip I'd be losing the whole day, and its quite a busy time for me at work. I asked if I could come and visit her on a weekend (any weekend), but her reply was 'no, that's family time for us. But if you're busy now don't worry, maybe you can find a weekday in the new year'.

Now I do understand the importance of family time, but I'd be losing a whole day of work by visiting during the week on top of paying for my train ticket. (Also slightly taken aback that she suggests not meeting before the new year, we used to see each other every week and I haven't seen her since she moved 2 months ago.)
I told her that I think that's a bit unreasonable to make me lose a day at work and that I was looking forward to our christmas get-together, so she said 'ok, then come tomorrow (Sunday) and we'll have a coffee', but I'm reluctant to travel all the way knowing that she's not really up for it anyway. Tempted to text back 'don't bother, have a good Sunday and merry Christmas'....or am I being a drama queen now? Should I just go and visit her tomorrow?

Thanks all. To answer a few questions:

I could go tomorrow, but I'm reluctant to do the trip knowing that she doesn't really want to see me, and probably will try to get me out of again quick-ish. I think this would make me look/feel like I'm a bit desperate.

I can juggle work commitments if it is for 2 hours on a day. 70% of my time is on calls with colleagues or clients, and 30% is me doing things on my own. I can move calls around a bit if I know I'm out for 2 hours on one afternoon, and work a bit longer in the evening when I do the 'me on my own' stuff, but being away from my desk for the whole day is more tricky because I need to do the calls with clients and colleagues during normal hours.

I think she has a tendency of wanting things on her own terms, but in fairness, she always was really supportive whenever I was in need. So after I just had a relaxed coffee on my own and resisted the urge to send a 'don't bother' reply, I think I'll try a more levelled approach and will give her a call now to see how she's doing, and if we can make plans for a meeting that's (more or less) mutually convenient.

Meet up somewhere halfway between you for dinner on a weekday. Win win!

I wouldn’t make the trip for a coffee. You are likely to not even see her apartment. She will suggest meeting at the coffee shop. Does her husband not like you? That’s what it sounds like to me.

when my son was born I was on maternity leave and I tried to make an effort with my mother in law who lives 2 hours away. I drove with the baby to visit her so she could spend some time with the baby. we had morning tea for about half hour and then she made it very clear that she wanted us to leave. It was really uncomfortable as I knew she wanted me to go but with a newborn I couldn’t just dump him back into the car for another 2 hour journey. I ended up leaving and going to the shops for awhile until his next nap. Some people are just inconsiderate I think, and don’t care about how far people have to travel.

You've highlighted why that doesn't work for you so she's offered Sunday instead, what's wrong with that?

Two hours driving so the friend can spare 45mins for a coffee ?? Then OP drives 2 hrs home. You can't see what is wrong with that?

I have a couple of people I will drive 2 hours to see. They recognise that by inviting me for lunch, spending the afternoon with me. You know, generally giving me the impression they want to see me and like my company. Usually we have a cuppa and a cake later and then I would drive home.
Same of course when they come to see me, in reverse.

Not just a coffee , to see her friend.

Not just a coffee , to see her friend.

But the implication of "ok, then come tomorrow (Sunday) and we'll have a coffee'" is that the friends will 'spare her' 40 mins to an hour.

No, I wouldn't travel that far for the crumbs that the friend is throwing.

I would feel SO guilty a friend doing a four hour round journey to have a coffee with me. Speaks volumes.

Well, exactly l wouldn’t ask as it’s ridiculous. 4 hour round trip for a coffee?!

Some women go bat shit when they have a child. I used to have a friend who was very reluctant to see friends at the weekend and had communication black outs at weekends. So no social media, messaging etc.

I was told “l would understand” when l had my own children (impressively condescending!). I’m now weeks away from giving birth and dong get it. My husband and l won’t be out every weekend especially in the early days. But we will have a mix of family time and friends. It’s all about balance surely?