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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to the Christmas party?

19 replies

Shannny · 10/12/2022 06:33

A while back a family member asked me if I’d go to a children’s Christmas party with her and her DD - it’s at the clubhouse of her caravan park. I agreed to go.
The party is next Saturday and I really don’t want to go! Biggest issue is DD (2.6) doesn’t like parties. She doesn’t play with other children, gets shy and anxious if they approach her and complains that it’s all too noisy. The last party we went to at this place DD constantly tried to play in a back room on her own (meaning I was stuck in that room with her) and when I had to pop to the car for something (and took her with me) she asked if we could just play in the car as the party was too noisy. She wouldn’t play with anyone, wouldn’t talk to anyone, wouldn’t join in with the dancing (even when I tried to dance with her) and ended up crying twice because an older child tried to play with her.

I just find it all too stressful because I know she isn’t enjoying it! I know she has to get used to being around other people and “come out of her shell” etc but WIBU to make an excuse about this one?

OP posts:
blondieminx · 10/12/2022 06:37

YANBU.

maybe ease your DD in gently to socialising with other kids (toddler group etc) but some people are just more sensitive to noise.

if you don’t want to go… don’t!

Shoxfordian · 10/12/2022 06:41

Yabu to say yes to something you know your dd won’t want to do and now be trying to back out of it - say no next time

UnicornMumcraft · 10/12/2022 06:42

YANBU to not want to go, but let them down soon rather than string it along. YABU to say yes when all these reasons were presumably as relevant then as now.

AutumnCrow · 10/12/2022 06:46

Why did you say yes, out of interest?

daisychain01 · 10/12/2022 07:10

I don't know why people find it strange that the OP accepted - it could easily have been a spur of the moment thing. Sometimes when you're asked, especially if it's face to face, it's really difficult to say no straight off. I find it's only when you go away from the situation that on reflection you realise you're not that keen.

OP if I were you I'd decline with thanks, there's a week to go, so it isn't like the day before. Say something along the lines of your DD is having a phase of shyness and you're having to make difficult choices about the social situations you put her in. Hopefully the situation will improves as she gets older.

girlmom21 · 10/12/2022 07:13

YANBU to back out for DD's sake but YABU to have left it so late.

quinceh · 10/12/2022 07:20

Do you need to make an excuse, or can you more or less tell the family member what you’ve said here?

Original poster
Shannny · 10/12/2022 07:24

quinceh · 10/12/2022 07:20

Do you need to make an excuse, or can you more or less tell the family member what you’ve said here?

I could but then I’ll get the whole “she needs to socialise!” Lecture

OP posts:
InFiveMins · 10/12/2022 07:25

Just go. She might surprise you and enjoy it. If not then you can go home early.

stonebrambleboy · 10/12/2022 07:26

Could you not just go and then say you feel unwell and leave early?

mondaytosunday · 10/12/2022 07:30

I certainly don't believe children should be forced to socialise when it's just not their thing. There's nothing wrong with wanting to play on your own or not liking parties!
But why on earth did you agree to it?

Smallonesaremorejuicy · 10/12/2022 07:33

quinceh · 10/12/2022 07:20

Do you need to make an excuse, or can you more or less tell the family member what you’ve said here?

This

Sceptre86 · 10/12/2022 07:36

Why did you say yes? If you don't want yo go just say so. Tell said family memebwr that your lo finds parties overwhelming at the moment and doesn't get much out of them. You're working on her being around more people bit want to do it at her pace. Most people would be fine with that as long as you give enough notice.

Willmafrockfit · 10/12/2022 07:37

she might be ok if you stay with her?
could you leave early if she cries?

Oblomov22 · 10/12/2022 07:50

You should've said no. It's too late to cancel so you should go now. If dd gets upset, then just make your excuses and go home.

What are you going to do to help dd? Mouse cancelling headphones, increasing her nursery sessions do she learns to deal with the noise?

DrManhattan · 10/12/2022 07:52

Why say you would go in the first place?

AutumnCrow · 10/12/2022 08:01

I wondered if you'd said yes because you feared the reaction if you said no. It sounds difficult for you.

legalseagull · 10/12/2022 08:06

YABU you said yes. You made a commitment

SheWoreYellow · 10/12/2022 08:08

If you’re going to pull out, do it as soon as you can.

And that’s fine to not make your child do something you know she hates. You can build up slowly as she gets older.

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