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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Want to keep DD from meeting DH family

12 replies

Bubbles021 · 09/12/2022 21:06

DD is 4 months old. Tomorrow my DH's sister and husband are coming to meet DD for the first time as they do not live locally to us. It has been arranged for a few weeks, but since then a lot has started coming out about Strep A.
I am absolutely terrified of my daughter becoming ill. She is our rainbow baby after losing our first child when I was 33 weeks pregnant last June. We also lost our nephew in August at 1 month old from Strep B leading to sepsis and meningitis. So I'm quite anxious when it comes to germs and illness.
Since DD was born I've actually been really proud of how I've dealt with things. I thought I'd want to keep her from everyone, but I've pushed myself to fight the anxiety and let family and friends hold her and to attend baby groups etc.
However, tomorrow's meeting genuinely worries me now there seems to be more Strep A diagnoses. Both my SIL and her husband are primary school teachers, so that worries me too.
I've shared the worries with DH about Strep A and about meeting the family, and while he is very understanding to my worries, he keeps just telling me it'll be fine.
I keep telling myself I'm probably overreacting and she will be fine, but the anxiety is really getting to me. I just don't know if I feel comfortable.
I'm trying to think what I'd advise a friend to do, but I'm really back and forth. What would you do in this situation? Thank you for your help 😊

OP posts:
Flamingogirl08 · 09/12/2022 21:15

I think YABU but I understand it because of what happened to your nephew, I am so sorry. There will always be something though and you can't wrap her in cotton wool and keep her away from people. The only thing I can suggest is be honest with your family about your fears, request no kissing the baby etc and try to enjoy the family time. Good luck with it

Lcb123 · 09/12/2022 21:17

Can you mention your concerns to them, and ask them to not kiss the baby, and obviously not to visit if they are ill in any way.

CaponeOnTax · 09/12/2022 21:19

Ask them to wear a mask and use hand sanitiser. It will be ok.

alasangne · 09/12/2022 21:19

Lcb123 · 09/12/2022 21:17

Can you mention your concerns to them, and ask them to not kiss the baby, and obviously not to visit if they are ill in any way.

This seems a good idea

Whattodo182 · 09/12/2022 21:19

YABU BUT! it's coming from a good place, your motherly protection and that's no bad thing. However, I honestly think you'll be fine. Just request handwashing and no mouth/face kisses and obviously they shouldn't visit if they're ill at all.

lunar1 · 09/12/2022 21:21

I completely understand feeling anxious, however you have managed to overcome it for your own family, friends and baby groups. You can't draw a line at your husband's family. Apart from anything else, he's an equal parent and gets a say in this as well.

MajorCarolDanvers · 09/12/2022 21:24

YABU

You should talk to your HV or GP about your worries as it's out of proportion and you might need some support.

Original poster
Bubbles021 · 09/12/2022 21:24

Thank you all for your replies 😊
I will explain it to them, I just feel like a complete nutter 🤦🏻‍♀️
@lunar1 I'm not drawing the line at my husband's family, the rest of his family have met her but his sister has been too busy until recently to make it. It's only because of the Jews stories of children dying that I've become anxious, especially as they both work in schools.
Sadly, when all you know is the loss of babies is hard not to think that it could happen again

OP posts:
Original poster
Bubbles021 · 09/12/2022 21:26

@MajorCarolDanvers thank you for your response. I am recieving bereavement counselling for the loss of my son and nephew. It may be easy to say my thoughts are out of proportion, but attending two funeral of two babies within one year does make me anxious about my daughter's health.

OP posts:
Choconuttolata · 09/12/2022 21:27

Sorry for your losses. Understandably you would be anxious about the possibility of your DD catching something.

I would take some precautions. If they are not unwell with a cough or a cold, do not have a sore throat, wash their hands and do not kiss your DD then I would let them see her. If they are unwell then no, RSV prevalence is high at the moment in primary age kids. I would worry more about the chance of her getting bronchiolitis than very rare invasive strep A.

www.gov.uk/government/news/ukhsa-update-on-scarlet-fever-and-invasive-group-a-strep

www.nhs.uk/conditions/bronchiolitis/

Original poster
Bubbles021 · 09/12/2022 21:27

Sorry that should day news stories 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Scottishskifun · 09/12/2022 22:04

Just be honest ask them not to kiss baby and wash hands thoroughly before holding baby. Given your losses its completely understandable your anxieties but being a primary teacher doesn't make them any more risky then another mother who has an older child.

Obviously if either of them is unwell then it's a different story would just get your DH to check they are both well.

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