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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is this rude?

17 replies

kennaxc · 09/12/2022 19:52

My DP wants to go Christmas shopping tomorrow, he asked MIL to go so she can pick something she likes for him to buy her. I have family who have arrived from abroad for a couple of days to visit and they also mentioned wanting to go to the shopping centre that DP and MIL are going.

I thought why don't we go all together? When MIL mentioned there would be no space in the car, DP responded "i'm not going with them, they'll probably go late" even though i mentioned that we would be going early too.

Would I be unreasonable to tell DP to go alone with MIL after his comment? I want to spend the most time I can with my family, of course, also needed to go with DP to buy his gift, but his comment came out rude as in he doesn't want us all to go, so I'm thinking if that's his decision I won't go with him?

I've been telling him about buying gifts for months, this specific weekend my family are over he decides he wants to go shopping, so would I be an a**hole for not going?

OP posts:

Sprouttreesareamazing · 09/12/2022 19:54

Imo men think 1 person =1 present =1 shop.

Not what you have in mind I imagine...
Let him take mil.

You go with your family.

booboo82 · 09/12/2022 19:57

Let dh go with his mum while you spend time with your family it's not rude of him. Yabu

Mamamia7962 · 09/12/2022 19:58

I think it would be best for your DP to go with his mother on their own as he wants her to choose a present. I find it really difficult shopping with a group of people especially if you want to go in different shops.

Original poster

kennaxc · 09/12/2022 19:59

booboo82 · 09/12/2022 19:57

Let dh go with his mum while you spend time with your family it's not rude of him. Yabu

i think it's the idea that whenever he has family over, we all go out and spend time together, i just thought he would perhaps do the same. but thank you! i'll go with my DF ☺️

OP posts:

Keylimewhy · 09/12/2022 19:59

It’s not rude at all, he probably just wants to spend the time with his mum and get her a gift, which is very different to a group trip shopping with extended family

Daffodilis · 09/12/2022 19:59

He just wants to spend time with his mum and not have to faff with a car load of people.

Testina · 09/12/2022 20:01

“I've been telling him about buying gifts for months”

Not another one 🙄
Why for the love of god?

YABU for that alone.

Honestly don’t understand people who can still respect and fancy men that they mother.

SavingKitten · 09/12/2022 20:02

Shopping in a group is a right pain, just let him go with his mum, and you do what you want with your family. I really can’t understand the drama here.

FettleOfKish · 09/12/2022 20:02

Shopping is NOT a group activity, YABU.

You invited yourself (and your family) to join him and his Mum, and he's not keen. Fair enough.

Let him and his Mum do their thing, and you and your family do yours.

Original poster

kennaxc · 09/12/2022 20:04

No no, i didn't invite myself. he wanted me to go, but didn't want everyone to go. so i'm stuck in the middle of choosing between.

OP posts:

FettleOfKish · 09/12/2022 20:06

Testina · 09/12/2022 20:01

“I've been telling him about buying gifts for months”

Not another one 🙄
Why for the love of god?

YABU for that alone.

Honestly don’t understand people who can still respect and fancy men that they mother.

Agree with this. The family we see over Christmas are all DH's and my input so far has been absolutely zero, aside from a small thing I ordered for his Mum while I was ordering the same for my Mum.

If we turn up and he's not bought them anything then that's his problem to explain, no skin off my nose 🤷🏻‍♀️

FettleOfKish · 09/12/2022 20:07

kennaxc · 09/12/2022 20:04

No no, i didn't invite myself. he wanted me to go, but didn't want everyone to go. so i'm stuck in the middle of choosing between.

Simple then, you don't go. Your OP made it sound like your suggestion as your family want to go to the same place.

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 09/12/2022 20:08

kennaxc · 09/12/2022 20:04

No no, i didn't invite myself. he wanted me to go, but didn't want everyone to go. so i'm stuck in the middle of choosing between.

So he wants you to go shopping while your family is here, to a place they want to go but without them? I'd say he's the one being rude.

I'd go with my family. When he finds what he wants he can text you a picture.

SavingKitten · 09/12/2022 20:12

kennaxc · 09/12/2022 20:04

No no, i didn't invite myself. he wanted me to go, but didn't want everyone to go. so i'm stuck in the middle of choosing between.

You aren’t stuck ‘no I already have plans with my family’ which is true.

Original poster

kennaxc · 09/12/2022 20:13

^ i think that post is exactly what i'm trying to get at, but i didn't know how to phrase it. it's almost like i'm made to pick between going with one or the other when we're all going to the same place around the same time. i feel like it's absurd. but i suppose each to their own. if he wants to go with his DM alone that's fine by me, I just didn't know if it would be rude of me to now opt out of going with them, because i don't think it's right to then walk out on my DF for his choice?

OP posts:

Wishawisha · 09/12/2022 20:15

Mamamia7962 · 09/12/2022 19:58

This.

I wouldn’t really see all going en masse to a shopping centre as quality family time anyway, OP.

Bahhhhhumbug · 09/12/2022 20:27

Sounds more like your MIL who really didn't want your family to come by jumping in with the remark about not being enough room even though its your DH driving and his or your car (l think from wording of OP).

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