To be anxious at night at my age?

[sittingonabranch]

I am in my 30's and I hate night time. I am a Mum, a grown up, so what is wrong with me?

If I am awake after everyone else has gone to bed or I wake up in the night I hate it, it seems like such a scary place where everyone else is sleeping. Worries I have in the day, seem horrendous at night, especially health worries. I just feel that if anything happens at night, it is so much harder to get help. It's a lonely place.

Does anyone else feel like this? Anyone a night owl and feel the opposite?

I guess my AIBU is:

YABU - you're a grown up, man up and get on with it
YANBU - yes night time can be scary

YABU, have you sought help with this at all?

Same

I feel the opposite. Had a wonderful Friday a couple of weeks ago - DH working away, one DD was sleeping over at grandma’s, DS was sleeping over at his cousin’s, younger two just went to bed with no pissing about, then from 9pm to midnight I just chilled out. Then later that night I woke up and thought man, morning already - but it was only 3am!! I brought a cup of tea up to bed and fell back asleep. And night time is my relaxing time - I know I won’t hear mum mum mum mummy mummy mummy where is my, how do I, when can I, why can’t I. Just pure relaxation.

I get this too op. Ive always been anxious if I'm the last/ only one awake. If it happens I browse on here and it makes me feel a bit better knowing somewhere out there someone else is awake too.

Sorry not very helpful.

No, I haven't, I do have anxiety and have had help for that, but I have never mentioned the dark thing

I'm not scared of the dark, and I actually love being awake at night, but yes if I'm anxious about something it always seems a hundred times worse at night. I watch a lot of documentaries to drown out the thoughts.

I always find problems seem much bigger at 3am and I try to remind myself of that and stop myself catastrophising

I have never liked nighttime and slept better once I hit my 20’s when I got with ‘D’H.

I love my own company and happily be on my own but only during the day, at nighttime I hate it.

Being recently separated, I’m now on my own half the week - no DC or STBExH and it makes me paranoid and anxious. I hear every noise and convince its someone in the house. I am obsessed with checking doors are locked too.

I think it’s more the dark; I leave lights on and a friend lent me a night light last week 🙄😳 which has helped me sleep a bit better.

I have always had a very overactive mind and have catastrophised most of my life; so it feeds into this. I have to talk myself back to reality!

Nb. I know I’m not normal, and this isn’t normal!

YANBU and I’ll one up you… I live with my parents and when there’s a storm I’m only happy if my dad is home!

I’m 6’4”, 240lbs of muscle and bone (yes yes and some flab. A good bit of flab), mid 40s, and still afraid of the dark, in the classic sense. As in afraid of ghosts and monsters in the cellar. I have to run up the stairs after putting the dogs out, and need the covers to be bunched around my feet in case of creeping hands from under the bed.

BUT, I’m also afraid of the night as a time of psychological hauntings, brooding, regrets, the works. Luckily I’m not an insomniac otherwise I’d be proper fucked.

I'm the opposite - I love being up later than anyone else and if I wake up early (which I sometimes do)... say around 4? Those 2/3 hours before anyone wakes up are utter bliss. I suppose it could be argued that's early morning though.

Do you feel safe where you live? Is your home secure? Anyway YANBU - You feel what you feel! It's not wrong - it's up to you if you want to work on changing it.

I always think of late night/early morning as "free" time - I don't need to worry about anything - no one expects me to be worrying about anything - Nobody is phoning or emailing and nothing is going to happen (I know this isn't strictly true but it's what I think).. It's a little magic box of time that is 100% mine.

I am quite introverted though - and I think it is useful for me to shake off a day of talking to a lot of people. Some people meditate - I sit on my own late at night and I love it.

I feel a bit bad - but you did ask if anyone feels differently as well?

I'm not scared of nighttime but my anxiety is much worse at night...every worry is magnified.

I don’t like those quiet dark hours either … I fall asleep to podcasts to distract me from brooding thoughts and also to drown out any odd noises from floorboards and radiators! I’ve been known to leave a light on in the hall and the door ajar too.

Totally normal OP.

I'm exactly the same, if I have any worries they seem so much worse at nighttime. I have got into a bad habit of waking in the middle of the night and being unable to get back to sleep for hours, just worrying the whole time 🙁

Thank you all for your replies, it's interesting to hear both sides and really nice to know I'm not alone. Hugs to all those who feel the same

@Greeneyes887766 don't feel bad at all, I wish I could enjoy it as I would love the 'me' time 🤣 but my stupid brain has other ideas

It's weird because I kind of get what you're saying. I have some nights where I enjoy it, baby is asleep, DH is asleep and I just make a cup of tea and relax watching tv in bed, bliss.

Other nights I dread it, thinking what if we need XYZ overnight, luckily the world is sort of 24/7 nowadays so even if you did need something at night like baby milk or medicine you can usually get hold of it.

I think because the news is constant doom & gloom at the moment especially around accessing healthcare etc it's hard not to worry irrationally, but try not let it steal your joy. Anxiety as an adult is challenging, so much responsibility, it can be overwhelming.

I think during daylight hours the world just seems more accessible and at night it can feel a bit lonely.

I’m in CBT therapy for this at the moment. I manage at the moment with playing hypnotherapy to drown the thoughts out a bit and the odd sleeping tablet if it’s very bad.

Everything feels worse at 3am than at 3pm. A poorly child/pet, period pains, toothache, money worries - you name it.

If DH isn’t here I can’t stand it. I can’t imagine being here without the children too.

i’m the same. i don’t stay in the house on my own, if dh is away i ask my mum to come over etc. i get horrible anxiety at night, whether it’s about things like medical worries or that someone’s going to come into the house. if yours is the latter i’ve found having a ring camera and if you have french doors a ‘patlock’ has really helped me

its horrible though isn’t it. i’m considering getting anxiety meds but scared i get hooked on them

Lots of useful videos here on sleep;

https://www.youtube.com/@TimBoxMindCoach/search?query=sleep

Things always seem worse at night
One of the things I’ve developed during peri is having bad thoughts when I wake at night, are my adult kids alive/am i going to get cancer/how will I cope when the dog dies, totally random thoughts that upset you. It’s a form of anxiety.

I was never like this til I had kids. Developed very bad anxiety after my first DC was born - as soon as it hit late evening I would start to panic. No reason for it other than what you and other PP have said - everything seems worse at night and if you needed help you’re more limited.
I have often thought about getting help for mine. It has definitely eased over the years but I still get it, especially when the kids are sick or my DH is away.
Logic seems to go out the window at night. You’re not alone

All my worries are magnified at night, I have to sleep with a cosy familiar podcast and a night light or I fret for England. On the occasions when I've been grieving a death I feel a rising panic as it begins to get dark; I fear being the last one awake with my thoughts.