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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask what irks you about playdate/DC's friends/etiquette

15 replies

chronictonic · 09/12/2022 19:41

What little or big things irk you that your DC's playdate guests/friends do or don't do etc?

My DC is 10..

I 100% know this is totally unreasonable but for some reason it really irks me when DC's friends bug me for food and drinks either before the food is ready, or continue to ask after having been well fed by me. It's always the same ones too! I assure you they will do this even when they've had LOaDS. I am a massive feeder and take great joy in cooking for them.
They are from homes where they are well fed and cared for, so it's not like they go without which obviously would be different..!
One of these lot also often arrives hungry saying they havent had breakfast etc. which makes me annoyed at their parents... though perhaps this particularly greedy one is bending the truth..!

OP posts:
OliveWah · 09/12/2022 20:38

At 10 I'd usually offer a snack and drink straight after getting home from school, then give them a rough idea of when dinner will be, saying no more snacking until then. After dinner, if they are still asking for food, I would direct them to some basic fruit, such as an apple or banana. I agree that constant nagging for food is a bit annoying, but if a child is a guest in your home and they're saying they are hungry, surely you just feed them? Maybe they ate breakfast, maybe they didn't, but I wouldn't begrudge a hungry child some food.

Original poster
chronictonic · 09/12/2022 20:43

OliveWah · 09/12/2022 20:38

At 10 I'd usually offer a snack and drink straight after getting home from school, then give them a rough idea of when dinner will be, saying no more snacking until then. After dinner, if they are still asking for food, I would direct them to some basic fruit, such as an apple or banana. I agree that constant nagging for food is a bit annoying, but if a child is a guest in your home and they're saying they are hungry, surely you just feed them? Maybe they ate breakfast, maybe they didn't, but I wouldn't begrudge a hungry child some food.

Oh i always give them food, and find them something to eat, especially fruit etc. and basically do exactly as you do. But it
Irks me! And one of them will basicallt keep going and going and going! I literally run out and consciously stock up and shop for them!

OP posts:
UrsulaPandress · 09/12/2022 20:46

Well past that stage but I used to loathe the ones who turned up and professed to be bored by everything that was offered/suggested. One particular child had a parent who managed every second of a play date. My dd would come home with various crafts that she had made. 🙄

terriblyangryattimes · 09/12/2022 20:54

The ones who empty every toy out of every box/shelf/tub and then don't even play with it. These kids are 7 and up too.

Also the ones that have a shit and unsubtle stage whisper when they want something like food or to go to the park.

Also the ones that go in to my bedroom when I specifically tell them that's the only room they aren't allowed in.

Playing hide and seek.

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 09/12/2022 20:56

Not knowing the right etiquette on who pays when you take other people’s children on a day out and vice versa. I ALWAYS offer money if someone takes my kids somewhere but no one ever offers back and days out can cost an extra £50 in tickets, food and drink for someone else’s kid

Invisimamma · 09/12/2022 20:58

We have a corner sofa and guest DC always seem to hang off the back of it or jump up and kick off it or perch on the arms. It drives me bonkers as my DC know not to treat the furniture like that! It cost a lot and we can't afford to replace it if people break it or muck it up.

We have a high retaining wall in the garden (about 7ft) with a rail. My DC know under no circumstances should they walk along it or jump from it, or hang from the rail. Without fail visiting DC always hang or the railing and jump from the wall, they laugh when I tell them not to. I'm scared one of them is going to fall from it and get badly hurt. Even when I ask their parents to tell them not to do it it's dangerous they don't seem to bother.

Actupfishy · 09/12/2022 22:51

When they kick off at home time and it’s an awkward parent trying to peel them out from under my kids bed.
Mine does this too though, drives me nuts….

ADialgaAteMyDog · 09/12/2022 23:03

My younger DC is 4 and hasnt had many play dates. I had his friend over with his mum and they went upstairs which is fine. Came up at home time and this kid was ripping the room apart - climbing up to shelves purely to throw stuff off them. Just wanton destruction and the mum said...nothing. don't want them again until it's summer and can make them play outside!

yesforone · 09/12/2022 23:33

Children who hang about talking to me, instead of going off to play with my DC. I find most children boring.

chineapplepunks · 09/12/2022 23:50

Did a lot of play dates when I was a nanny. One moment sticks out the most. My kids weren't allowed puddings so once all the kids had finished dinner off they went to play. Apart from the visitor who stared at me and said "Well...where's pudding?" When I said there was none he rolled his eyes at me.

Thereisnolight · 09/12/2022 23:56

Agree with all of these.
I’ve definitely been the parent who micromanages playdates but my own DC are thrilled to be invited anywhere by anyone and are not, I hope, the type to go to someone else’s house and say they’re bored. Or, “Can your mum not take us to the cinema?” which I once overheard at ours.

Rallyaround · 10/12/2022 00:14

When visiting kids want to get the gluing/sticking/paint/glitter out. Fuck no I’m not a nursery. Play with the toys, not all the messy stuff that’s a nightmare to clear away. We usually do these things on rainy Sundays and we’re bored.
Agree with previous poster with climbing over the backs and sides of sofas!

Original poster
chronictonic · 10/12/2022 12:57

terriblyangryattimes · 09/12/2022 20:54

The ones who empty every toy out of every box/shelf/tub and then don't even play with it. These kids are 7 and up too.

Also the ones that have a shit and unsubtle stage whisper when they want something like food or to go to the park.

Also the ones that go in to my bedroom when I specifically tell them that's the only room they aren't allowed in.

Playing hide and seek.

Yes!! Every time my DC has a friend over their room is literally turned upside down. Everything out of everything. Drives me mad.
I've started making DC tidy it all up as soon as they've gone.. but I've toyed with asking them all to do it before the play date ends.. but don't want to be that Mum!
What are people's rules on tidying??

OP posts:
Original poster
chronictonic · 10/12/2022 12:59

Rallyaround · 10/12/2022 00:14

When visiting kids want to get the gluing/sticking/paint/glitter out. Fuck no I’m not a nursery. Play with the toys, not all the messy stuff that’s a nightmare to clear away. We usually do these things on rainy Sundays and we’re bored.
Agree with previous poster with climbing over the backs and sides of sofas!

This is one of my bug bears too, just because I'm lazy... but equally my DC is so screen obsessed at the moment I'm really happy that their friend is setting an example and wanting to be creative etc.

OP posts:
FailWhale · 16/09/2023 18:02

My LO is too young for many playdates at the moment. I have definitely been awful on a recent playdate though. I offered to take another mum out as a birthday gift for her child. I booked in advance and thought I'd paid but when I arrived the other mum was already there and they'd made her pay. As if that wasn't bad enough I then borrowed £2 off her for a ride, which both the kids went on and loved but still I felt like an absolute cheek 🤣 I never have cash either so I've not popped it back to her yet as she refused Venmo etc. I guess Santa will have to drop a tenner off early or something.

I know my friend has a little kid who's mum wont leave her child alone at any activity and reacts to every last thing as though it is a significant emotional development milestone. It's led to her kid being... a lot. I saw it first hand at a dance class recently and if anything I felt sorry for the Mum, there was something a bit tragic about how much she wanted her kid to be in cotton wool from life, must be something a bit deeper going on I guess. It makes it really hard on playdates though because she's just so wildly out of sync with the other mum energy of letting the kids play, negotiate, bump and scrape etc.

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