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AIBU?

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Original poster

Poorly chikd, DP's at the pub

31 replies

CharChar91 · 09/12/2022 17:53

I will preface this by saying my DP works a lot of hours (7am to at least 7pm most weekdays, sometimes call outs at the weekend too) and I've had a trying 2 weeks, I'm pooped, so I'm probably being unreasonable.

DP works as above, and I work 30 hours p/w at my main job plus 8ish hours a week at a pub on the weekends until recently, I'm just too worn out so I have it up!

We have 2 DC's, 5 and 4 and I fit my flexible job around school and nursery run and make up any hours in the evenings. I do the lion's share of the childrens care, household chores, shopping etc.

Week before last DC4 got tonsillitis, very poorly with it so I moved all my appointments online where poss, worked from home, took care of her, docs appointments, everything else as usual etc.

DC4 went back to pre-school yesterday, DC5 came home from school today. Rang DP and told him when I picked DC5 up.

5pm and they're having tea, DC5 is due calpol, I touched his forehead and he's roasting, 41.2 degree temp. He wants to go to bed and he says his tummy hurts. I get him in to bed and call DP to see what time he'll be home and he's in the pub. It really P's me off. No offer to come home or anything (I mean I know there's not much he can do I suppose) but it just got me thinking. Any time one of our DC's is poorly he mostly carries on as normal. He still goes to work, doesn't have to worry about rearranging 2-4 meetings a day, he can still go to the pub, he's going out tomorrow night too. Last time DC was poorly we had a date night planned (first one in a year+), I stayed home and he went with his mates.

Am I just the default now? Am I oversensitive because I'm tired? Should I let it go because he works many more hours than I do and he's only having a couple of pints with his mates?

Sigh.

OP posts:
Original poster
CharChar91 · 09/12/2022 17:54

Child* 🙄

OP posts:
OnTheBackOfMyFoot · 09/12/2022 17:56

YANBU. Have you told him explicitly that this isn't on? He's their parent too and you deserve time off for yourself. Obviously he should have figured this out for himself but given he hasn't you need to stand up for yourself. If he already has plans for tomorrow then you're getting all Sunday off - to sleep, watch Netflix, go out or sit in the bath. He's doing the kids.

jamsandwich1 · 09/12/2022 18:04

Ugh, no I’d be livid. Sick kids means sleepless nights, worry and it takes its toll. You need support. It’s not on.

upfucked · 09/12/2022 18:06

Tell him to come home now. With that temp I would be rechecking 30 mins after calpol but I would also call 111 as that’s an incredibly high temperature.

BesidetheseasideXxx · 09/12/2022 18:13

You need to get him home as your child needs to be seen by someone with a temperature that high. Call 111

OldReliable · 09/12/2022 18:13

Where do you get the idea he's working harder than you? You're working full time, default carer for the children AND you do everything around the house.

He's taking the absolute piss out of you and he needs a rocket up his arse to start pulling his weight.

Idtotallybangdreamoftheendlessnotgonnalie · 09/12/2022 18:58

That is an extremely high temperature. He needs to be home and sober in order for one of you to take the poor child to receive medical attention. I seem to remember being told that 41.5+ is seizure territory.

You're also working two jobs and doing all the childcare and housework. He might be doing 12 hour shifts but needs to get off his poor-me high horse big time- when is your time at the pub? Popping in for a couple on the way home is so bizarrely 1970s-esque!

Zanatdy · 09/12/2022 19:00

That’s a very high temp OP. I’d be calling NHS direct

Kentlassie · 09/12/2022 19:17

Your DH is being ridiculous and should have cone home. But, my bigger concern would be DS’s temp. If it hasn’t come down after calpol I would be going to a&e.

Keylimewhy · 09/12/2022 19:19

That’s a dangerously high temp, please get your child seen asap

elephantmarchingin · 09/12/2022 19:24

He should have come home straight away but like others that's a ridiculously high temp and needs looking at immediately

Lolapusht · 09/12/2022 19:25

Tell DP to come home NOW. Call 111. Pack a bag and assume you’ll be going to a&e as they’ll probably want to go in for official “checking” if his temp hasn’t come down.

How good/reliable is your thermometer? Maybe take a few DC temps to check consistency then do the same on you. A high temp on its own can be ok, but if DC is listless, difficult to rouse, not engaging, cold to touch, super hot to touch it can be problematic.

My DC always seem to get really high temps when they’re I’ll, but it’s their normal. We look at them overall to see how they’re doing and have ended up in a&e plenty of times. I’ve got a pulse ox meter at home that I also use.

Him staying in the pub while you drag 2 DCs off to a&e ISN’T an option.

RandomBanto · 09/12/2022 20:20

Your child has 2 of the symptoms for strep A. Phone 111 and get your husband home from the pub.

Workyticket · 09/12/2022 20:25

I'm a 'calpol and sleep fixes everything' parent but I'd be very, very worried about that high a temperature

Ring 111, ring dh to get home and pack a bag, charger etc. I think they'll want your dc seen with a temp of that scale

XanaduKira · 09/12/2022 20:27

Workyticket · 09/12/2022 20:25

I'm a 'calpol and sleep fixes everything' parent but I'd be very, very worried about that high a temperature

Ring 111, ring dh to get home and pack a bag, charger etc. I think they'll want your dc seen with a temp of that scale

Agree with this! Hope your DC is ok.

BooksAreSaferThanPeople · 09/12/2022 20:39

The high temperature combined with stomach pain is concerning. Please get your child assessed tonight.

ShirleyPhallus · 09/12/2022 20:42

Agree with everyone, hope he feels better

GettingItOutThere · 09/12/2022 20:54

i would be calling 111 too, thats a very high temp

Herejustforthisone · 09/12/2022 20:55

My toddler will always get a 41+ fever. For him it’s normal. He’s utterly wretched with it and Calpol won’t ever touch it, only Nurofen brings it down. So it’s scary, but it’s not always A&E territory. You know your child.

And your husband is a selfish twat. Especially as he’s out again tomorrow night. And he does not work harder than you. You work 30 hours and do everything else. He’s a joke.

Willmafrockfit · 09/12/2022 20:57

children often say tummy ache when they dont know where it hurts.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 09/12/2022 21:02

What thermometer do you have OP?

Your husband is being an arsehole. 38 hours is a full time job. Looking after a poorly child is hard work. Looking after young kids is hard work. It sounds like he has time off - actual time for, not folding washing while watching tv and keeping an ear out for the kids. But because you have shorted paid work hours, you're supposed to be on duty the whole of the time at home.

The time off should be in proportion to your hours when your kids are sick. Or shared somehow thats fair for both parties. So he works 2x as much as you...that should maybe mean you do 2x kids sick days as him, not 20x.

Basically it's not fair for him to unilaterally decide it's your career that takes the hit, and it's not fair for him to claim all the leisure time for himself. And if he thinks that looking after two small children equates to leisure time for you, then he can bloody well do his share of it to make sure he is nice and relaxed

TheQueenOfHearts · 09/12/2022 21:05

Totally not ok.
YANBU op.
Imagine the other way around? Partner at home with the kids and you down the pub? Sounds mad? That's because it is.

Whiskeypowers · 10/12/2022 08:33

Hope your child is ok

Quartz2208 · 10/12/2022 08:38

Hope he is ok - I would be seeking medical advice

With your DP you seem to have gotten into the belief that his working hours (which given he is at the pub may well be less) is somehow more than yours even though you work 38 hours and do all the rest of the cleaning/housework/etc

ShirleyPhallus · 10/12/2022 22:02

How is your child @CharChar91