Feel totally ridiculous as a woman in her 30s that I'm upset my dad isn't bothering with me.
He would say it's because he "just isn't good at this kind of thing" but I think he just doesn't care and doesn't care that it hurts me. And it's not fair.
My parents divorced when I was 7. Saw my dad about 3 times between then and when I was 15. He never paid maintenance. At 15 social services got in touch with him because my mum was critically ill. He let me stay at his for a week then went back to not trying to contact me. My mum died when I was 20 and he came to the funeral.
I had my own dc at this point who was a baby and not long after my mum died, dad had a significant birthday. His new wife did a big party and invited me and my dc. I wanted my dc to know at least one of my parents and we had a few years of visiting his once a year and sending birthday and Christmas presents for him, step mother and their dc. He would send things to me for my dc, but it was always late because he said he forgets birthdays and Christmas.
Then covid happened and contact really ground to a halt. I feel that I always do all the chasing in the relationship which I don't think is fair. He totally forgot my youngest dc's birthday in October. He never rings to say hello.
I sent a little chocolate hamper as a gift for the whole family and it says it has been delivered a week ago. But I haven't heard anything from him.
I feel like that 7 year old all over again whose dad fucked off and doesn't care. I don't understand how he doesn't care about me. I could never leave my dc like this. I'm also so angry that he is the parent I'm left with and my poor mum isn't with me. She never left me (willingly) and would be furious at my dad (though she wouldn't be at all surprised at him).
What is wrong with him and aibu to take this as a hint that he doesn't want any kind of relationship anymore?