To ask if anyone else ever feels useless?

[CanYouSeeMee]

I’m 34 years old and a mum to two children. I work, and i also study a degree part time. I know i'm not stupid, but half the time i feel like i am. I feel as though people aren't interested in what i have to say. I work in a team of 3. One person who is senior to my colleague and I. My two colleagues gel really well and although I get on with both of them, I feel like I’m on the sidelines. This is a usual dynamic for me in work and friendship situations.

As I said in my thread title. I just feel useless. I attended a meeting the other day with lots of colleagues. I feel like everyone has something to say that adds value, except for me. Today, I was required to answer a question in a public forum at work, everyone else had such insightful answers, except for me.

I was recently at a wedding. I’m an awful dancer. My relative tried to dance with me and I just don’t have a clue what to do. I tried but just looked so uncomfortable and he moved on to someone who is more fun.

I feel like no matter how hard I try to involve myself, to be confident etc, I just come off as an outsider.

I added a colleague on Facebook the other day… she hasn’t responded to the request. Maybe she doesn’t use her Facebook much and hasn’t seen it or maybe she just doesn’t want to accept me. Either way, I won’t hold it against her at all. It’s just, the culmination of all of these things just makes me feel really worthless.

I had an abusive mother and I’ve done years of counselling etc to deal with that. I dont feel depressed or anxious. I just feel like I don’t have the confidence to be the person I probably could be. But even when I work hard at that, I still have nothing worthwhile to add in pretty much any situation. It’s really taking its toll on me. 😢

Anyone?

Totally relate to this, OP. The really sad thing is, the older I get, the worse it's getting somehow. I sometimes feel like I've lost all confidence in myself, I've always had quite low self esteem and now it just seems to affect so much of my daily life (e.g. doubting my parenting all the time).
I have done my best to work on it and do have ups and downs but increasingly just feel like I'm struggling, and I get upset very easily. I know in my case as well having a husband who is just amazing at almost everything has kind of intensified how I feel. I know this sounds awful but just being honest!
Sorry, no advice to offer just a sympathetic ear.

Yes I feel useless to. All my colleagues are PHD educated and very articulate. I struggle to communicate in groups and to organize my thoughts. I think I might have ADHD as I don't think I'm not intelligent. I don't have any special skills/hobbies either. That's why I'm encouraging my DD to develop interests.

For what it's worth I think most people are useless in isolation, put we can achieve good things when we work together? Does that make sense?

I am hoping to find my niche/thing I'm good at one day... Hoping I'm just a late bloomer! (I'm 42!)

But I agree that early years can have a big impact - both in terms of fostering self esteem, and in having access to activities.

*too not to!

I could have written your OP. So many parallels. I know now that i won't ever fulfil my potential (I did really well at school and uni) because I just do not have the personality ie. The self confidence or resilience to do so. I will never have that big career or be that person who organises great events and leads the way or achieves anything special.

It's really hit me in the last few years, that this is it. But I'm starting to make peace it now and be grateful for the things I do have which are great kids, a happy marriage, a job I enjoy and am quite good at (albeit with crap pay) and generally a good life.

@BedTaker im really glad you’ve been able to focus on the good things you have in your life. I need to do more of that.

Im so sorry that others feel this same way. I just wish I could somehow change. I just feel like a nuisance to those around me. I try to be nice, to be a good person. It just doesn’t seem like that’s enough.

I can definitely relate to this OP. To add to it I'm scatty and disorganised so manage to mess up simple stuff sometimes and feel worse. I know I'm not stupid and have impressive qualifications and a good job but feel just like you alot of the time. I'm now in therapy due to an acute mental health issue and I'm beginning to feel a bit more positive. Not that I'll suddenly become a confident, life and soul type person but that I'll manage to accept myself more.

I read this thinking, ‘’that’s like me!’’ You’re not alone OP if it helps. I feel I have no talent either, or many friends even though I’m not a horrible person.

I do sometimes wonder what I do wrong, although I have been told on here in the past I’m a horrible person and no wonder I have no friends! So maybe they’re right 🤣. I give a lot to people I care for and I have a heart but I feel like I don’t get the same respect back, people just tend to use me for what they can get so I gave up on most people.

Life is a bit depressing! Best advice is just to concentrate on yourself and your goals and your family, they are all you need!

I feel like this often, have done ever since a small child. The feeling of not quite fitting in, and I remember watching the vivacious kids at school wondering just... what they all had to say.
Now I avoid being early to anything because I hate that milling, small talk bit before the actual event kicks off.
Sometimes I'd be the opposite though, and can put on a good act to be lively and engaging if I need to.

But this doesn't bother me like it does you, OP. I just think we're all different, and fine just as we are. We all make a good impact on the world we're in so long as we're kind and productive in whatever we're good at. We can't all be the 'useful' one.
God maybe that just makes me really lazy 😂