How do I juggle it all?

[needingafairygodmother]

Currently 14 weeks pregnant, have a 18 month old, a dog and three cats. Bought a nice house that's in desperate need of renovation and everything is half finished (stairs are bare floorboards, walls half painted, mould being treated all over the place etc)

Also working full time (I've condensed 5 days into 4 so I work extra long hours so that I can take DD one day a week)

DH does one day a week childcare and works normal hours. Grandparents and nursery fill the other days.

I feel like other people manage to cope but I feel like our house is a mess all the time, laundry is out of control, constantly need to hoover because of ridiculous amount of pets? (We had to adopt one cat from DHs mother when she passed away)

I'm trying to organise Xmas, keep house, work, food shop, cook, eat, sleep enough and keep DD happy and clean and healthy.

DH isn't useless by any means, he does a ton of DIY around the house, he cleans up after himself, helps with DD at night and walks the dog every morning to tick that off the list - but I still feel in a perm state of overwhelm.

I don't know how I'm even going to cope once a newborn is in the mix - although am looking forward to another baby in many ways

Anyone else? Or do I need to pull myself together 😂

it is very tough - you are managing a lot. I also worked FT with small babies (no pets) and the early years were the hardest. you just need to keep going, and lower your standards for some things. If at the end of the day, the children and pets are fed and warm, you've done a great job.

do you have a cleaner? if you can afford it, get one.

I dont have pets too much work, but it does sound a lot of pets? if you want them all, pets that is not children lol, just have to lower your standards and yes to a cleaner!

It gets easier.

Make sure your dh truly pulls his weight, write a list, give him half of it

Lower your standards, some of it really doesn't matter.

Buy help if you can afford it, get a cleaner, send the washing out, get a dog walker, whatever helps

Do as much online as you can, all bills by dd, online shopping etc

Good luck.

Low standards, dry shampoo and delegation! Is there anything you’re doing you don’t need to be that you can bin? High maintenance garden? Complicated dinners?
then once you’re down to jobs that MUST be done find what you can delegate. Will grandparents stick a load of washing on? Can you hire a cleaner? Etc
then there’s stuff YOU have to do trim it as far as possible. Do you need to be washing bed linens as often as you do? Could you eat more pre prepared food? Three week list of dinners on rotation does us.
do what NEEDS doing by YOU. Not what there is you could do. Good luck! Little kids, pets and renovations are hard going!!!

I was in a similar situation although with no dog and I felt like I was only just keeping my head above water most of the time. It was actually easier once baby arrived and I was no longer working as although I had a baby I didn’t need to worry about fitting work in and I certainly lowered my standards

Mould is important, half painted walls aren't. Can you get a robot vacuum for the animal hair? (Although most don't shed much at this time of year). Or confine the animals to one or two rooms downstairs? Blitz the laundry backlog by sending it for a service wash?

Well most people don’t choose to take so much on, that’s how they cope.

Not sure what you thought life with this level of chaos would be like?

The triangle of happiness:

Tidy house
Happy child
Happy mum

Pick 2. Only 2 are possible.
Sorry

I have 2 cats and they make a phenomenal amount of mess which I never really realised until I also had a toddler to clear up after. Also in the middle of decorating and work on house and it is a tip, toys piled everywhere, nothing in its proper place, so no you are not alone in feeling overwhelmed! I only work 3 days and find it all too much.

Similar here, one DS (9) and currently 35 weeks with DS2. 1 crazy dog. Me and DP both work full time.

Also feel like the house is a permanent heinous state. I never feel relaxed because there is always something to do. Mon-Fri I am out of the house 12 hours a day doing drop offs, commute, work pick up, home dog walk etc. Weekends are spent trying to catch up on housework and ferrying DS about to his various clubs and seeing his friends.

The way I deal with it is to accept that I can’t do it all. My DP is also very good and hands on but I think as long as we are all fed, healthy and happy anything else is a bonus. The house will never be immaculate, I will never be on top of the washing. We will never eat healthy home cooked meals 7 nights a week. I will definitely forget to send permission slips into school and have to double back for Christmas jumpers (like this morning!)

Dont be too hard on yourself. Like others have said it does get easier, and I think we’ll look back at this crazy years when our kids are older and work is easier and the house is tidier and wishing for a bit of chaos again.

Rehome most of the pets and get a decorator in before the baby arrives.

You have a lot on!!
We've got a 2yo and a 5 week old baby and I'm struggling!
We dont have family nesrby tk help so we are outsourcing as much as possible through this crazy time. My 2yo is still at nursery 3 days per week and on the other two we have a mother's help come in to be a second parent. She is amazing, batch cooks a meal, takes toddler out and makes his snacks/food etc as I'm almost full time with the baby.

Can you drop to 4 days post mat leave rather than compressed hours? That would probably ease things a bit. You have to be conscious that once your eldest is in school evenings start to matter more re homework, clubs etc and compressing will be harder.

My hardest period was when I had a 3yo and 1yo and working. Mat leave was fine but the first year back with 2 was hard work but it has got easier a few years down the line. You are in a very intense phase of parenting and something has to give. I’m sure people forget how overwhelming it can be to be needed 24/7 and how difficult it is to fit in jobs etc. we found doing anything big in the house or garden took at least 3x as long as would take with no children. Once you can sit them in front of the tv and be confident they won’t kill themselves, it is much easier to crack on with stuff.

Have to agree to rehoming some or all of the pets.

You are doing extremely well, even if it feels like you're running whilst dropping juggling balls.

If it's any consolation I am not keeping up with the house and everything else in my life is a mess.

You'll catch up. Perhaps take one day to get it in a more manageable state with other half and take it from there.

You will be doing better than your think OP but your life feels overwhelming because essentially you are trying to cram too much in!

Just work, pregnancy and toddler would be exhausting. Work, pregnancy, toddler plus renovation project would be hugely stressful. Work, pregnancy, toddler plus renovation project PLUS pets is what tips your life into unsustainably stressful.

I would start contact animal shelters with a view to rehoming all of the pets as soon as possible - it sounds as if they are adding little to your life but stress, and in all honesty they would probably be better off in a different family environment too.

Low standards.
List-making.

I’m currently 38 weeks with PGP and a 3.5yo, DP working full time and picking up all my physical slack – nursery runs and tidying and shopping and laundry – and we’re mid-renovation.

I’ve utterly let go of the cleaning and tidying, and decoration is essentially a future project. Forget about unpainted walls! Live vicariously through Pinterest boards and make plans.

Focus on the mould and resolve it.

Then anything else actively unsafe, eg bare floors that are unsanded and splintery.

Then make a BIG list. Like, a massive brain dump of it all: cooking meal planning shopping renovation life admin pets this that the other; renovation stuff room by room. The mother of all to-do lists.

Once you’ve got your BIG list you can break it down however suits your brain: Excel, a notepad, whatever. Daily tasks that have to happen (everyone fed), weekly tasks, renovation things, etc.

Then you figure out what you can outsource, what you can live without, and what will free up most time when done, e.g. getting rid of the source of the mould and having a weekly cleaner = you no longer have “mould” as a daily task because it’s done/gone.

Ditto stuff like clutter: as the new baby grows, clean and pack up stuff they’ve outgrown and store (if you’re planning more) or sell/give away straight away. Each thing out of your house = one less thing to maintain.

I don't tick all of your boxes but I do have a hideous job at the moment and I'm working ridiculous hours.

Things that help me....
Wash my hair once a week on a Saturday or Sunday
One load of washing a day if needed
Dehumidifier to get it dried overnight
Put clean clothes away before I go to bed
Waitrose click and collect order once a week which I add to throughout the week
Very rarely go shopping
Amazon prime (I know! I know!)
At least one lie in/lazy day a week
Straightforward dinners
Occasional batch cooking session on a Sunday
Don't invite people over
Or if you do, make it simple like drinks and nibbles

Our house is relatively tidy but needs a good clean and I've decided that I can only get through my life at the moment if I don't give a fuck. DH is very good thankfully.