To not know how to keep it altogether?

[Unstuckduck]

I feel like a headless chicken. Literally a million thoughts a minute and perpetually exhausted

I'm performing badly at work
House is a mess
2 kids under 5
Work 2 jobs
Husband expects to be spoonfed instructions

Gah.

If you have your life together, how? How do you do it?

Also I realise the dh issue is a big one. Separating isn't an option for the foreseeable due to finances, we get on OK but just basically room mates at this point. He Refuses to change so it's easier to take him out of the equation in terms of me getting on top of everything tbh. He does do things like dishes but if there was a pile of junk mail for example, he'd reshuffle it and move it instead of binning.

So I guess my aibu is

Iabu - need to get my shit together, I'm an adult just do it
Yanbu - it's actually impossible to get all your shit together

I don’t know but place marking as in much the same place right now

Would it help to redefine "having your shit together"? Can you care less about the messy house (as long as it's clean enough and liveable)? Is your performance at work so bad that you might lose your job, or is it just not as good as it would ideally be? If the latter, maybe that's ok for now.

Husband does sound like an issue. Would he manage a list of jobs that don't require any decision-making eg washing floors, dishwasher, bins etc? Obviously you shouldn't have to treat him like a child but for the sake of working with what you've got.

It just adds to the pressure, don't get me wrong it's not dirty but more cluttered. When I look around it feels so depressing.

The list is a good idea, I've done my best not to be his manager but I might just have to accept it

Deal with 1 of the issues at a time. Write a list, which ones can you control which ones can't you control.

The ones you can have an impact on, work through one at a time. If you try and change it all overnight it will be too overwhelming.

One way or another your DH needs to help more, whether it's a plan for the week ahead and he knows what he needs to do on which day. Whichever way you can manage to get the help take it as a win.

Why are you performing badly at work? Are you too bogged down because you have 2 jobs? x

I think there's a few things you could do to manage your DH. I'm not saying this will work long term but for now...ask DH to take the kids out for a day every fortnight or so so you can catch up on all the stuff around the house. That's one instruction for him. If not for a full day then half a day but each weekend. You could even book the play centre for him so he feels like you've done more if the job for him and he has to stick to a plan.

Ask DH to bring you a cup of coffee each morning. If this won't help you is there something else that's simple but needs to be done daily that would help you?