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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Constant state of unease because of DD's illnesses

10 replies

sodf · 08/12/2022 22:37

Can someone advise or tell me if this is abnormal please.

My DD hasn't been feeling so well, on and off for the last few weeks. She'll be 3 soon.

I've been through this stuff before. Sometimes it's a short cold / virus, sometimes it takes a bit longer for her to get over it, sometimes she needs antibiotics, other times I've rushed her to hospital because of croup etc etc. just trying to say, it's not new to me. She's been going to nursery for a year or so, so it's nothing new. It was much much better in spring and summer. When she started nursery last winter, she caught a different bug every week pretty much. It's all to be expected.

Anyway, I'm really struggling with my MH this time, more than before. It's like when she's unwell, nothing else exists or matters. I feel so alone in the worry. All I have in my head is the worry. Granted, this time she's been pretty unwell. It doesn't help reading these scary stories of children dying. It's terrifying.

But my mind is going to such dark places, constantly. It's hard to control and I am on edge 24/7. DD is getting better, but any time she stops playing for a bit or has a lie down, I start to panic that she's taking a turn again etc. I've become hyper vigilant of her behaviour. I just can't think of anything else. My world is so small and so dark. My DH works long hours, so it's often just me, alone with DD and baby DS, trying to keep going. I am really struggling a lot.

I think having company helps. But people work during the day and I don't have family nearby. It's very very tough. I keep just breaking down crying, thinking this will never end and I will always feel this heavy burden of worry. Any advice on how to get out of this mindset ?

I was feeling much better when we had a few shorter illnesses she bounced back from. But now she's had a longer / more worrying one, I can't shake it off.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 08/12/2022 22:38

If you’re struggling with your MH you need to see your GP.

talkingmorenonsense · 08/12/2022 22:40

It’s awful when your child is sick, I feel for you. If you’re overwhelmed with worry, perhaps you should go for talking therapy. Where I live you can self refer.

Dittosaw · 08/12/2022 22:44

Take it day by day. Try to find things to keep you both busy and amused. Be thankful for the positives and try to be resilient through the hard times. Decide to enjoy every day. Soon enough she will be well and busy at nursery/ school so enjoy this time where it’s just the three of you.

Pjsandhotchoc · 08/12/2022 22:45

Hi OP,

Sending you a hug and seconding the opinion that you should book yourself in an appointment with the GP to discuss how you’ve been feeling.

It’s absolutely normal to worry about our children, often unduly and often too much. The part about panicking if your little one stops playing and has a lie down really stood out to me. Kindly, this isn’t normal. I think you’d benefit from a chat with the GP.

Joulesismyfave · 08/12/2022 22:56

Hi, I’m feeling very similar.

I just wrote a post about my son and his ongoing viral infection - cough and upper respiratory issues - very congested , but it’s dragging on and I often get like this when he’s ill. We took him to the GP today and he was pretty thorough with checking him over, but I’m still really anxious and feel almost sick with it.

I’m doing the same as you, going over scenarios in my head and it’s unbearable at times and very lonely.
My DH isn’t of the same mindset as me and can almost brush it off, now that he’s been checked out he doesn’t seem bothered. Just says we’ve got to be patient and he’ll get over it in his own time.

But I resonate with you, I’m almost waiting for him to get worse, I’m checking his temperature often and when he just seems more tired or stops playing/goes for a rest, I think the worst and that he’s taken a turn.

It doesn’t help with the media currently and I’m also on TikTok/Facebook (both of which I need to delete) and there are so many videos posted of parents who weren’t listened to by GPs and of GPs and doctors misdiagnosing their children.

People also keep saying to me “kids can go downhill very quickly” and “kids can compensate for quite a while, until they’re very ill”.

My younger brother was very unwell when I was 16, he was 14. He was absolutely fine one day with a slight cough and cold symptoms. The next day he was basically unresponsive and blue lighted to hospital, put into an induced coma and later diagnosed with encephalitis which came on as a result of a viral infection. He’s fine now, he was very lucky , but I believe this traumatic experience has stayed with me.

Original poster
sodf · 08/12/2022 23:00

Joulesismyfave · 08/12/2022 22:56

Hi, I’m feeling very similar.

I just wrote a post about my son and his ongoing viral infection - cough and upper respiratory issues - very congested , but it’s dragging on and I often get like this when he’s ill. We took him to the GP today and he was pretty thorough with checking him over, but I’m still really anxious and feel almost sick with it.

I’m doing the same as you, going over scenarios in my head and it’s unbearable at times and very lonely.
My DH isn’t of the same mindset as me and can almost brush it off, now that he’s been checked out he doesn’t seem bothered. Just says we’ve got to be patient and he’ll get over it in his own time.

But I resonate with you, I’m almost waiting for him to get worse, I’m checking his temperature often and when he just seems more tired or stops playing/goes for a rest, I think the worst and that he’s taken a turn.

It doesn’t help with the media currently and I’m also on TikTok/Facebook (both of which I need to delete) and there are so many videos posted of parents who weren’t listened to by GPs and of GPs and doctors misdiagnosing their children.

People also keep saying to me “kids can go downhill very quickly” and “kids can compensate for quite a while, until they’re very ill”.

My younger brother was very unwell when I was 16, he was 14. He was absolutely fine one day with a slight cough and cold symptoms. The next day he was basically unresponsive and blue lighted to hospital, put into an induced coma and later diagnosed with encephalitis which came on as a result of a viral infection. He’s fine now, he was very lucky , but I believe this traumatic experience has stayed with me.

Sorry to hear you feel like this too. I absolutely second that it's the whole ' it can happen really fast ' thing. One minute they're fine and just have a cold- the next minute- bam.

I can't imagine how traumatic it must have been to see that first hand with your brother.

I am usually quite good at staying rational. But having lived with the worry for so long, my rational side isn't working so well.

OP posts:
ZiggZagg · 08/12/2022 23:06

See your GP about how you're feeling. Ask for your GP to give DD a check up. Also try to give her a multivitamin which might help her immune system. It's horrible when they're ill. My DS has been the same throughout autumn/ winter, lots of bugs going around and he has caught them all!

Pjsandhotchoc · 08/12/2022 23:10

@Joulesismyfave
I mean this is the nicest possible way, but I don’t think that sharing the story of your brother is kind or helpful to someone who is clearly struggling with anxiety.

I have seen your own thread, you irrationally believe your child needs antibiotics for a viral infection. I say irrationally, because it is irrational, antibiotics would have no impact on a viral infection. I think you need to seek help for your anxiety and not compound them by comparing notes with another anxious parent.

Joulesismyfave · 08/12/2022 23:13

I didn’t mean it in a way of trying to upset anyone. But it did happen and although I know it’s rare, it’s had a huge impact on my life and how I deal with health, particularly since I’ve had my son.

I really don’t want to upset anyone though, so I’m sorry if I did.

junebirthdaygirl · 08/12/2022 23:19

Years ago when children stayed home until Primary School they picked up all sorts of bugs as soon as they entered school. I taught the early years and they were constantly sick until they built resistance. Now that starts earlier as they are in preschool/ nursery and picking up everything. But the good news is by the time they begin formal school they have built a strong immune system and are far less likely to be sick. So things won't be always like this. Talk to your GP as you may need some anxiety medication to get you through this stage as its not good to be worrying so much.

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