To tell my husband that I'm not coming off antidepressants to get my sex drive back?

[guineapugs]

I've weaned myself down to 10mg every 36 hours and already I'm feeling overwhelmed with my life. Feelings of not being able to cope with the house, the kids and even my work are creeping back into my mind. My head hurts and I feel all over the place. All because DH wants to have sex. He thinks I've lost my sex drive because of the antidepressants. I've tried telling him it's more than that... constant arguing put me off wanting any intimacy for a start. Anyway, I'm at the point of just going back into them properly (20mg) or ditching them all together. AIBU to want to go back onto the drugs again? Should I try to come off them and just be me? I have self diagnosed ADHD if that makes a difference.

your husband will have to put more effort in
he doesnt sound the type to care about her pleasure tho😐
I would stop obeying this selfish person and take what meds you need in order to feel well, when you're back up to speed you can decide what to do about this problematic man!

I agree, but you never know - could be worth a shot talking to him about it. At the very least, you'd know if he was willing to work with the OP and not just make demands, which could be quite telling, and puts the ball back in his court so to speak.

🎶🎵I hope his dick falls off🎵🎶

Why would you want to have sex with someone who didn’t put you first?

This. And why would you stay with someone who expects you to be depressed and anxious so he can have more sex?

He sounds like a total oaf. Take the drugs and leave him. You will quite likely not need them without him anyway.

I've gone back onto me usual 20mg and feel much better for it. Thank you for all your replies. I think I'd slipped into thinking I didn't actually need the ADs but I do.

Told him to sling his hook yet?

aD don’t cause lack of sex drive

@nalabae Source ?

Because www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6711470/

@nalabae antidepressants (SSRIs) do affect sex drive for some people, not for everyone. But depression and anxiety that’s not completely treated can also affect sex drive so sometimes tricky to tell what’s what! Definitely worth anyone with a similar problem chatting to their GP.

So glad to read OP is feeling better.

My exH forced me to do this years ago. It didn't work because it made my depression worse obviously and I resented him so the last thing I wanted to do was sleep with him .

Take the medicine.

Please take your medication as directed, I’m not surprised you don’t feel fantastic cutting it down like that.

No doubt the reason your sex drive isn’t what it was is because you’re married to a selfish, single minded cunt bag who has no respect for you and apparently doesn’t care about your health.

My ex once said "Do antidepressants make you fat?" ( post menopausal weight gain) "because I'd rather you be thin and unhappy than fat and happy"

Jesus zazu!
So glad to see you said ex, but sorry you had someone to say that to you.

This resonates with me. I’ve struggled with anxiety for years and had some depressive/burnout episodes. I also had a knob of a husband. I did point out to H that I felt like having sex more when he helped around the house 🤷🏻‍♀️ Antidepressants helped with the mood to a certain degree.

In the last year, I ended my marriage, got diagnosed with ADHD, started on ADHD meds. Even though I’m now responsible for everything the workload feels less! I’m far less anxious, turns out although he said he was supportive he actually made me worse. If you want to get assessed for ADHD, I can explain some of the ways you could get assessed. Think very carefully about your future.

I'm really sorry this is happening to you. I had similar and it all turned in to a horrible mind wobbly mess until my husband and I had a proper conversation.

I've found sex is better now as yes it takes a little longer to get there (if at all) but we're enjoying each other more as we have to take a little longer with foreplay etc and the ADs have made me less anxious so we're happy together which means we want to be with each other both intimatly and in general.

It's all swings and round abouts in my experience. Proper communication is really hard when you feel so crappy but ultimately is key.

I tried talking therapy as well which was so amazingly helpful.

Good luck with what ever road you choose to take x

I might have been tempted to reply 'does rat poison in your dinner make you die because I'd rather you be dead ' 🐀
Incredible, did he realise he said it out loud? How did you reply?

I’ve been on A/Ds for years, and yes, it and menopause killed my libido.

But the side benefits from the A/Ds was it dialled down my emotions and made it easier to live with my husband.

Therapy helped me see that he was an entitled bully with narcissistic traits. We are divorcing but still living in the same house. Once this is all over I’m going to see if I can come off them. It will be ironic if the only reason for my anxiety/depression was his behaviour in the first place.

How much does your husband really pull his weight around the house and kids? Resentment is just as much a passion killer as anything.

Stop pissing about with the dose. They have a short half life, 10mg every 36 hours, you're basically just on and off them, confusing your brain and sending yourself into withdrawal. Take them or don't but the every other day thing does more harm than good. To wean off you should be taking them daily but reducing the dose down to 5mg or however small you can cut them. Then once you no longer have any withdrawal symptoms from that dose, drop again or stop completely.

As for the sex thing, I'd probably try a different one as not all ADs do it but it's really up to you. SSRIs fuck with my ability to orgasm so I take tricyclics instead which don't.

However I do think it is unreasonable to expect him to stay in a sexless marriage. You don't owe anyone sex but equally he does have a right to say its a deal breaker and walk away. So I'd look at the bigger picture. Is it sex that is even the problem? Are you generally happy together? Or is it a case that you aren't actually depressed at all, just surrounded by arseholes? In which case, what you really need is to change your situation, not your medication.

Depending how old you are it could be worth looking into peri menopause symptoms

Stop messing with your prescription. Your DH is abusive if he'd rather you were unhappy so he can have sex with you. Revolting " man" that would be my ex if I were you.

The only cheering word in that post is 'ex'.

What a cunt.

What a shit he is. You have an illness. If the lack of sex bothers YOU, you should consider your options, but if your medication gives you more benefits, then you take it.

He should be supportive, and address the issues that are actually creating the lack of desire for sex. What woman would want to fuck a selfish unsupportive twat?

My experience of Anti depressants is that you have to get Dr to change them if you have problems. One made me much worse.
Read the data sheet, make bloke read it as well.
Read where it lists the problems you might encounter.
PLEASE follow the prescribed dose.

I have adhd, currently unmedicated as I am pregnant, and was advised to avoid for the first trimester if possible. I get it. It can be so tough.

It may well be that different medicines will help you better, and it is worth pursuing a diagnosis, I think. I was told by the psychiatrist than SNRI rather than SSRI were more likely to be helpful, but that often, the specific drugs for adhd (stimulants) improve the associated anxiety and depression enough. I haven't tried them yet, only diagnosed recently.

As for your husband... he needs to realise you are mentally unwell (and possibly neurodiverse), and do what he can to support you rather than griping about sex. Might well help your libido!! Is he actually considerate during sex itself?

I do see that it would be difficult for him to live in a sexless marriage (if it is)... you might consider trying an alternative medicine? But only if he stops being such a twat and encourages rather than blames you.