Lost my job for my daughter

[Eyylaa87]

I work abroad as an english teacher. I worked in the same school for 8 years now, gave my all and was loved by colleagues students and parents. I enrolled DD (3 year old) into the same school in September. DD is not social and can hit out at other kids when disrupted. DDs teacher complained often and was generally not nice. I had times where I drove home crying because of her frequent complaints. After a month in DD started to poop in her pants. The assistant helpers started to complain daily about this too saying they had a fully potty trained policy. They asked me to pop down and change her, I agreed to this saying I could do this when I was on break or didnt have a lesson. They told me to leave my lesson and change DD - Which is stupid as I would be leaving 24 students unsupervised! Last week DD was kept with poop in her knickers for 40 minutes as assistant didn't want to change her. I was reduced to tears, took my daughter and resigned.

I am hurt at the way I was treated. I have worked hard for years in the same school. I respected all my students and their parents. Me and my daughter did not deserve to be treated like this. Today I snuggled into DD and said youre my best friend to her and she replied with no, xxxx is my best friend (a friend at her school), I was reduced to tears again.

Was I unreasonable in all of this?

You will be treated like other parents, you can’t expect them to treat you differently other parents.

Couldn't they have rung her dad to come and change her being as you were at work?

What do you mean by "not social and can hit out at other kids"?

There's probably no kind way to say this but you probably need to have a look at what you can do to improve her behaviour going forward and then work with that.

Could you have moved her to a different school as it sounds like this one wasn't working for her? You need to get to the bottom of the anti social behaviour and soiling because otherwise this will keep happening.

Is there a different language used? Had dd attended nursery before?

With the antisocial behaviour she is being assessed for ASD, the school are aware of this. As for potty trained policy, colleagues have said parents have never be called to change their children when they have accidents.

Reported. I don't think you're genuine. Doesn't seem to add up. So many questions. Odd...

No this was her first nursery, I thought her behaviour was normal as first time constantly mingling with other kids. The language is their native language which DD was only starting to learn. She had calmed down recently with understanding them more

Is constructive dismissal a thing over there? Because your employer should not have allowed this to continue just because you worked there

I could have done this, however my own school was more convenient with being able to travel together (1 hour drive in total) and just being closer to her if something went wrong. At this stage I do think I should have just pulled her out

I don’t think her behaviour sounds out of the realms of normal then if she hasn’t been before and they’re speaking a different language. She’s only three. Scary being in such a different environment.

Why did you resign? Your DD is being assessed for ASD. She hits children and is disruptive. For two months straight she has daily pooped herself when the school has a fully potty trained policy. You should have been looking for a special needs school for your DD not trying to get the school you work for to turn into a special needs school.

If there’s time, see if you can withdraw your resignation? And in meantime look for a school that can accommodate your DDs SENs.

Completely unreasonable.

you just gave up your paycheck instead of solving your childcare problem.

your dd wasn’t settling into the childcare that you chose. It wasn’t a good match for her. You could have tried to find her an alternate caregiver and kept your pay. You could have called her previous childcare and seen if she could go there again while you figured something out.

I dont know my rights yet, I am considering speaking to a solicitor. I am still trying to process everything. I feel upset at everything. I spoke to my employer about this and he said he would put a stop to everything, nothing changed.

Which country? This is quite possibly a cultural misunderstanding on your part about expectations at nursery. She may have been better with your previous childcare solution for another year.

I also live abroad where kids start school
the September of the year they are 3, and they are expected to all be potty trained, and if they have an accident parents are called to come to school & change them.

So I think OP is actually genuine.

OP - I don't know what to say, is there a reason she is having accidents now? Is she only recently potty trained? It could be all to do with starting school and all the changes. Would her wearing a pull up to school and you popping down in between classes to change her help? Until she's figured out going to the toilets herself.

Can you speak to your head and her teachers to discuss it further? Maybe they'll let you retract your resignation. Lots of 2/3 year olds struggle when they first start school, my DDs had a little friend who wore pull ups for the first year into the 2nd year.

I don't agree with telling children that you are their best friend, either tbh. And then crying when they say you are not?!

Just about to say the same thing @ArcticSkewer , it's just weird
You were foolish to resign, why didn't they call her dad ?

I didn't cry because she didn't say I'm not -- I cried because she mentioned her friend which she wouldn't see again.

She was fully potty trained, no accidents during the day. The assistant would raise her voice quite a bit and the psychologist (the school has their own one - all schools in the country I live in do) said this was probably the reason or that DD was doing it for attention.

I considered pull ups but at home she uses the toilet to poo, I was worried this would confuse her. Also with pull ups too I would have to change her and sometimes I just wasn't available. For those asking why my husband didn't help out - he works an hours drive away. I would make it before him even with a lesson and having to wait until break

Previous childcare was MIL looking after DD. This worked out great but she was rarely seeing other children and we thought she needed to socialise a bit. She only ever saw me, my husband and MIL as we have no family here

Well, it's done now. Unless they will let you back? Just look for something else and meanwhile perhaps there are some toddler groups you can take your dd to at least to start to learn the language. Presumably your mil is not from the country you live in either, if she doesn't speak the language to dd.
Did noone think her problems were less likely to be asd and more likely from not understanding anything?

I'm abroad, too. DS has always been at my school(s) ever since we left the UK.
It's quite normal here to have children, who are not potty trained, yet, by the age of 3. Some are still in nappies at 4. The nurseries just deal with it. It would be odd to call in the parents constantly.
School itself doesn't start until they are at least 5 or 6 years old.
If other parents aren't called in to change their children, then you shouldn't be, either. The fact that you are close by doesn't mean they get to change the rules. Do you pay fees like everyone else?
To be honest, I would have taken it up with management before quitting. They can't have been happy about you constantly being pulled out of class for this. I'm also usually getting my husband to deal with school-related stuff as a parent.
I'd also have looked for a different setting instead. We had the issue of DS possibly not getting a pass to start in our Reception class. That was stressful and highly annoying. I did, however, contact another school in our area to enrol him there should he not have been able to start at ours.