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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not ever go out on Christmas Day.

101 replies

Highfivemum · 08/12/2022 08:49

Have just been having a morning chat with an old friend and she said how she was shocked that on Christmas Day we never go anywhere and it was a tad selfish to others. To explain my DH and I have 6 DC and since we had our first we have always said we want to spend Christmas in our own home. We don’t want to drag the DC away from home and their new toys etc we want to chill out at home. Any visiting is done on Boxing Day. We have my DB and close friend over on Christmas Day and that is our routine. We love it like that. My DF today on the phone said pop over for a Chrissy drink on Christmas Day ( her children are all late teens) and I declined and said no thanks. She thought that was strange and selfish. First time I have been called out on our tradition and now thinking that maybe it is selfish I look back over the years and yes we have refused quite a few invites to visit on Christmas Day. I just love getting up and being with the DC and not having to go out. I also love it just being the 10 of us all day and I can stay in my PJs if I want. ( we are extremely close to my DB and my DF who is a sis I never had )
what does everyone else do. ? Does anyone else just not go out ?

OP posts:
Backtoreality1 · 08/12/2022 08:51

Christmas Day is the day for staying at home with your children and doing what you want to do.....for exactly the reason you have given. New Year or even Boxing Day are opportunities to meet up with others for a drink

PeonyRose80 · 08/12/2022 08:53

We never go out either. My DH spent his childhood being dragged about on Xmas Day and refuses to go anywhere so our kids can enjoy the whole day at home.
We refuse Xmas Eve invites too as lots of traditions.

stuntbubbles · 08/12/2022 08:53

I thought this was going to be about getting some fresh air and was coming to vote YABU because a bracing cold walk is the best part of Christmas Day imo. Obviously The Big Walk is on Boxing Day but a Christmas stroll is lovely: in my parents’ town we play “who does a ‘Merry Christmas’ nod and greeting and who’s an arsehole”. Also lots of the pubs open and do free drinks and roast potatoes, it’s lovely.

But I couldn’t be bothered breaking up the day to drop in on other people – everyone has their own Christmas schedule in terms of presents, cooking, dinner, etc, so trying to make the timings work for everyone is a pain.

I also could not have a drink with someone who called it a Chrissy drink.

ilovesooty · 08/12/2022 09:01

Make your own choices - how you spend the day is no one else's business and they're rude to comment on it.

Original poster
Highfivemum · 08/12/2022 09:01

Glad to see it is not just me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Highfivemum · 08/12/2022 09:03

ilovesooty · 08/12/2022 09:01

Make your own choices - how you spend the day is no one else's business and they're rude to comment on it.

I was a tad shocked as first time anyone has said anything. She was more sarcastic than anything. Don’t think she wanted to upset me. Her opinion I suppose just not mine

OP posts:
magicalorange · 08/12/2022 09:04

I completely agree with you. I spent my childhood Christmases sitting in a car for several days over the holidays been dragged all over the country and I hated it.

Now I'm an adult I choose to stay home.

Chattycathydoll · 08/12/2022 09:06

Single mum & don’t have DD on Christmas any more (she enjoys it more with ex’s massive family, her GP’s real fire and tree, it evens out because I have every birthday)
But before, no we used to stay home just the 3 of us, it was actually lovely. Don’t have too many good memories of those days as a family but Christmas is (mostly) one of them!! Boxing Day we’d do wider family social stuff but the big day was for staying at home with new toys, classic films and too much food.

lookersnoopy · 08/12/2022 09:10

We have stayed home for over 20 years. You should keep 'old friend' firmly in the past. She is not much a friend calling you selfish for enjoying your Christmas.

ChubbyMorticia · 08/12/2022 09:11

One of the best things about not living near extended family (not even in the same time zone) has been not having to deal with other people’s expectations/demands/guilt trips about us refusing to go out on the 25th.

SantasFlaws · 08/12/2022 09:13

YANBU. I would never split the day up and go visiting different places. It's home all day (or wherever I am staying for Christmas generally).

I do walk the dog first thing in the morning. That is a particularly lovely walk, especially if cold and frosty out.

ComtesseDeSpair · 08/12/2022 09:14

I suppose it depends on your family set up. In the later years of my childhood, two of my grandparents were too frail to travel easily and if their adult children had insisted that they weren’t leaving the house on Christmas Day, they’d never have seen their grandchildren at Christmas and would have spent the day alone. That would have been selfish, and perhaps you’d friend is thinking of elderly or lonely relatives. Unless you’re leaving elderly or lonely relatives in that position, staying at home is your harmless shout.

We usually go out to do Parkrun on Christmas morning, and will see friends there, and will go for a walk late afternoon to stretch our legs. I couldn’t stay in pyjamas all day.

potogold · 08/12/2022 09:20

Yanbu.

The kids should have most/ all of the day to play whatever that looks like.
Some may stay at home some may go out for a visit.
I think more than 1 visit is too much for most kids who actually want to play with toys.

Your tradition sounds lovely- no need to change it for anyone! Invite your friend to yours? Although I don't like people round on Christmas Day I like it me dh and dc.

5foot5 · 08/12/2022 09:22

Highfivemum · 08/12/2022 09:01

Glad to see it is not just me.

It's not. We are pretty much the same.

We always have PIL to stay (now just FIL as MIL passed away 2 years ago) Until a few years ago we did go to Mass on Christmas morning but for various reasons that isn't necessary now,which makes the morning a bit more relaxed and easier to manage.

Woahtherehoney · 08/12/2022 09:23

Not at all selfish! We don’t go our Christmas Day - we stay at home and even more so as it’s Christmas with my DSS this year so we want him to be able to chill and play with all his toys and watch Christmas films. We love it like that and our families are totally ok with it (especially as both mine and my fiancé’s mum usually work Christmas Day because of the jobs they do)

MermaidEyes · 08/12/2022 09:24

I haven't gone out on Christmas day in 20 years. When dc were little parents would visit us for the day. Now we just have a lovely family day at home, presents, food, alcohol and tv. Put yourself first. Others are selfish for insisting you visit. It's just another day when all's said and done.

Needmorelego · 08/12/2022 09:25

I wouldn't be able to go visiting family on Christmas Day because there's no public transport running 😂
I assume your friend thinks everyone has a car.

OnTheBackOfMyFoot · 08/12/2022 09:26

YADNBU OP. People are welcome to join us for Christmas day and we'll visit them in the run up to Christmas or on Boxing day but for us Christmas day is special and we won't spend it schlepping about or sitting in someone else's home. I'm so glad we stuck to our guns on it because I have so many happy relaxed memories.

Yousee · 08/12/2022 09:27

YABU to say "Chrissy drink".
YANBU about the rest of it. If you can't please yourself and just spend time with your kids on Christmas Day then when can you?

Balloonsandroses · 08/12/2022 09:30

It sounds lovely. I’ve done Christmas this way once (when my dd was on chemo and we really couldn’t go out) and it was an amazing day.

but DH and I are both only children of frail elderly widowed mums. So if we don’t go anywhere they wouldn’t see anyone and honestly I think that would be pretty selfish. So we do, we go and visit and look after people and honestly I don’t like it (lots of other complex family stuff in the background) but it’s one day and I think is the right thing to do.

anyway to answer your question I think it depends on your family set up and who else might be depending on you whether or not it’s selfish.

hopeishere · 08/12/2022 09:31

My sisters "kids" (20/19/16) can't even contemplate leaving their house on Christmas Day hence we always have to visit them in their house.

Annoying.

felulageller · 08/12/2022 09:32

I think that most people stayed in all day.

Surely visiting is for the other days?

We drink from lunchtime so couldn't drive anywhere anyway.

underneaththeash · 08/12/2022 09:34

felulageller · 08/12/2022 09:32

I think that most people stayed in all day.

Surely visiting is for the other days?

We drink from lunchtime so couldn't drive anywhere anyway.

Same here.

Mentalpiece · 08/12/2022 09:40

I don't go out on Xmas day or boxing day. I don't host either.
Our phones are also turned off from when we go to bed on Xmas eve until when we wake up on the 27th.
We make a point of having two days of blessed uninterrupted peace.

Enko · 08/12/2022 09:43

Since we had our children we have spent all bar 1 Christmas at home. After the 1 not at home I said never again. Thankfully we got MIL for most of the Christmases as Sil went to her then in-laws. My children have happy Christmas memories.

Just starting this with dd1 who is having her first Christmas with livein boyfriend i told her. Do what is right for you. You are welcome to come home I will equally understand if you want to go to his parents or if you want to stay at home. Make your Christmas memories but know you are always welcome at home.

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