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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To suddenly not want to go

42 replies

HettySunshine · 08/12/2022 07:03

It's my work Christmas do tomorrow night. It's the first one since 2019 and it's considered quite a big deal within the firm. We are spread over four offices and this will be the first time we have all been together post covid.

They pay for everything, transport, food, bar etc and really push the boat out to make us feel special and appreciated.

I have been really looking forward to it and booked a room at the hotel it's being held at so I can have a lovely sleep afterwards and a nice breakfast the next morning. There's a few people staying (we pay for our own rooms but the firm chips in).

I've woken up this morning and I just don't want to go. I'm not very good at drinking. I enjoy it at the time but then just feel hideous the next day. My dd's not well and I have some stuff going on with my elderly dm as well.

I know some of my colleagues will be disappointed if I bale out as were a really close team and it's a bit shit to cancel at short notice as menu choices have been picked etc. but I can cancel my room with no penalty up to 24 hours before so if I do so today I won't be out of pocket.

I just don't know...

OP posts:

Mummadeze · 08/12/2022 07:26

I felt similar and my sitter cancelled on the day so I had the perfect excuse. But I booked another sitter last minute through an agency, went and enjoyed the food, drank soft drinks and went home early. I actually think it is important to show your face, be part of the team and not let people down. I had a nice time and felt fine the next day. Drinking alcohol isn’t obligatory.

MadameSzyszkoBohusz · 08/12/2022 07:57

Oh I'm so glad you've decided to go! I was reading your OP thinking "noooooo, you must go, what an opportunity to pass up!"

hopeishere · 08/12/2022 08:00

I'd go. Pass yourself (as they say in Ireland) and then sneak off to bed!

Hoppinggreen · 08/12/2022 08:06

I would go and just have the meal and a couple of drinks then go back to my room and have a bath and read my kindle

Cornettoninja · 08/12/2022 08:11

I’m glad you’ve decided to go. Try alternating your alcoholic drinks with soft drinks/water. It really helps you pace yourself and soften any hangovers.

CharityShopChic · 08/12/2022 08:16

Drinking isn't compulsory! Go and have fun.

SallyWD · 08/12/2022 08:20

I went to work party 2 days ago. Had 2 glasses of wine then stopped. Perfectly doable! Woke up with a clear head and no anxiety about what I said or did. I didn't fancy going either but so glad I did - really bonded with everyone. I'd say go for it but be sensible.

gannett · 08/12/2022 08:24

I "suddenly don't want to go" to a lot of things, especially in this weather when staying cosy indoors always seems more appealing. So I get where you're coming from. But last-minute flakiness is really disappointing from the perspective of your friends. It's happening more and more, too. If you commit to social plans you should make the effort to stick to them unless you actually really can't. I remind myself of this, get my arse out of the door and 100% of the time I end up glad I made that effort.

(Bit different in this case as it's a work thing and I wouldn't hesitate for a second to flake out on work drinks, but it sounds like these colleagues are your actual friends too. You might not enjoy the effort to get out of the door or the hangover, but you will enjoy seeing them, catching up and then that hotel room on your own - and when the hangover passes you'll have a lovely memory of the night!)

DDivaStar · 08/12/2022 08:25

Tbh it does sound like excuses.

Go, limit your drinking if you want or if the mood takes you don't. It sounds like you could do with this break tbh.

However you play it, enjoy.

ilovesooty · 08/12/2022 08:26

I'm so glad you've decided to go. I hope you have a lovely time.

saraclara · 08/12/2022 08:26

I almost always don't want to go to things these days. But I make myself do it and am always glad I did.

Your DD has a perfectly capable other parent, so just go and enjoy it.

Retrievemysanity · 08/12/2022 08:31

It’s always the hours before going out that I find the hardest mentally and I think of a million and one reasons not to go. Once I’m there though, I’m fine and have a great time. I don’t drink because I hate being hungover the next day and I find most people, especially those with young kids, understand that. So I think you should definitely go, don’t drink or limit your drinking and enjoy the night!

Oblomov22 · 08/12/2022 08:50

Go. Enjoy. Just don't drink, or just have one. You don't need to get 'drunk'. I don't understand this mentality of : if I start drinking I can't have 2 then switch to only tonic water, Diet Coke, I have to carry on drinking till 2am and can't stand up.

Zanatdy · 08/12/2022 08:52

I’d just go, you don’t have to go mad drinking loads. You’ll enjoy it when you get there

Oblomov22 · 08/12/2022 08:52

A hotel bed and a bit of peace and quiet to yourself sounds like heaven. You can leave any time you like, and slip off to your own room. Bliss!

RosyDawn · 08/12/2022 09:58

I increasingly get this. Like you, with things I have actually been looking forward to. Not sure if it’s getting older or just out of practice after the Covid years.

What I find though is that once I’ve made the effort and got there I have a brilliant time.

(I def drink less than I used to though. Sometimes not at all. It’s always fine.)

applecharlotte12 · 08/12/2022 10:02

Go! I felt exactly the same about our work do yesterday. But decided to not go crazy and had two really nice cocktails that I savoured and then drank water. Was lovely to see everyone but wake up not hungover!

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