To keep DS off school for his birthday?

[tl1216]

DS is 12 tomorrow (well today), my ex (his dad) passed away during the summer which DS hasn't really spoken about. They weren't very close and DS didn't see him often, maybe once a month, sometimes once every 2 etc but they'd speak on the phone often.

It's his first birthday without his dad and he seemed fine today but I'm not sure how he'll be tomorrow especially as his dad gave me a card to give him.

Would you keep him off?

Why don’t you let him guide you on this?

No. It's sad, but he should be at school.

Keep him of and do something special with him

No. I don’t see any point in doing that. How would if help?

I'm normally the hardline send them in.

In this case, be guided by your son.

Unless you spend every waking moment with him, he could be moping around the house, dwelling on thoughts about his Dad. better he's in school as normal, stick to routine. You'll have him with you in the evening.

What would be normal for a birthday - would he have seen his dad, or just a phonecall/text/card some time during the day?

In the morning I would make him a special breakfast, let him open a few cards and maybe a present, but keep his dad's card for after school. I think he will be best off with his friends enjoying his birthday, not being encouraged to grieve.

To acknowledge his dad's absence in the morning, find a quiet moment and say something like, "I'm sorry your dad isn't here for your birthday, he was very proud of you and loved you and always wanted you to enjoy your birthdays." Then after school when your son opens the card, if there is no emotional reaction, don't push him there and then - let him process it a bit and then ask him later.

Not at all the same situation but my DD lost her beloved gran aged 11 and hardly cried in front of me at all. Her dark times were around bedtime, and she has had trouble sleeping well ever since.

The grief will be there, but sometimes it can be locked up or expresed in ways that are not obvious like being tearful or angry.

See what your son wants to do. If he’ll open the card from his dad before school, judge his reaction to it. Or maybe consider giving him the card from his dad after school. There’s no right or wrong here, just what is best for your son and you are best place to know know that.

I hope he has a good day.

What would your son like? If you think a day off doing something special with mum would be appreciated then do it, as you have learnt life is short. Hope he has a lovely birthday.