How would you handle this relationship?

[christmasaficionado]

Hi everyone,

I’ve name changed for this, I am a long time poster and lurker and I have always found good advice on here and I am hoping I will this time, too.

Please, be kind, even though you might believe I am in the wrong.

One of my closest friends told me she was pregnant as soon as she peed on the stick and proceeded to send me “bump pics” at 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 etc weeks, heartbeat videos, and to talk about this every single day. At this point I had ttc for 2 years, was about to go for IVF exactly that month when the miracle happened - I got pregnant naturally. Friend continued to talk obsessively about her pregnancy, but it no longer bothered me since I had my own miracle. friend knew about my struggle and the heartbreak of not being able to get pregnant.

Said friend also told me that she won’t tell her childhood friend (who had 3 mc) that she’s pregnant because her friend was always “in a competition with her” and “she won this time too”. I then realised she is trying to make me jealous and brag about her pregnancy.

I decided not to tell her about my pregnancy until 12 weeks. Then tragedy struck (ffs, I’m a terrible writer) and I miscarried at 10 weeks. It was the most horrible thing I’ve ever felt in my life.

I ignored her since (I told her I have some family problems but not the truth), because I did not know how to handle her.

I am at a loss what to do. I obviously can’t ignore her any more (well, I could but I’m pretty sure that’s not the answer), and I don’t want to tell her the truth because I’m sure she’d feel so blessed and she’d feel like she “won”, but on the other hand side I don’t want to keep hearing about her pregnancy.

I don’t dislike her because she’s pregnant (I have other pregnant friends and I am happy for them!), but because she tried to make me feel like she won the big prize and I didn’t when she knew about my struggle.

How would you handle this situation? What would you do? It’s putting a lot of stress on me, not sure why, especially that we were due to spend NYE with them but I don’t feel ready for it.

Thank you!

I would bin her off completely. She sounds like a shitty friend and a thoroughly unpleasant person, and not someone I'd want in my life at all, pregnant or not. Very sorry for your loss

So sorry for your loss that’s devastating.

re the “ friend” I wouldn’t give her a second thought and I’d never see her again!

Ah I'm so sorry for your loss. My philosophy is if a friend doesn't add to your life or actually makes it worse then they're no friend. Cancel NYE and just stop contact. Good luck for the future!

She is one of the most unpleasant people I've ever heard of. I wouldn't have anything to do with her again and if I did tell her why I would put it in writing. In fact, if I did write to her, I would send it via her husband so that he knows exactly what she's like. I wouldn't normally do that, but I think she would lie her way out of this one.

Don't dislike her because she's pregnant, dislike her cos she's a shitty person.

Winning. Wtf?!

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Honestly, she sounds nasty. You need to think about whether you actually still want her in your life. If you do, you can tell her that you are happy for her but you don't want to hear constant updates about the pregnancy. If she refuses to give you that space then block her. If you decide that you'd rather cut her off, then do it without guilt.

A person who saw some kind of victory in their friend's baby loss is not someone I would want as my friend.